It doesn’t feel good to be blamed for everything. Instead of working as a team, your spouse points his finger at you.
Being on the receiving end makes you feel exhausted and alone. It’s like everything you do is wrong and you’ll never be good enough for him.
You miss feeling like you’re a team. You miss him having your back. You’re tired of being attacked.
But is there a way out? Can this hurtful dynamic change?
Being stuck in the cycle of blame isn’t your fault, but getting out of it depends on you. Step out of the blame cycle with these 5 easy steps.
I used to blame Jachym endlessly. From the smallest things to big topics in our relationship, I constantly blamed him for how I felt. It got so bad that it nearly ended our marriage.
Learn from our mistakes and don’t let blame ruin your marriage.
Want to know why blame is an issue that you should and cannot ignore?
Read on to find out why blame is toxic for a marriage and what you can do about it.
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What Blaming Does To A Relationship?
We’ve all been there, haven’t we?
Whatever the issue is in the relationship, your partner thinks you’re at fault.
Blame doesn’t feel nice.
You start taking on the responsibility, even though you know it’s not your fault. Before you know it, you’re blaming yourself. You start feeling the weight on your shoulders for things that are out of your control.
You’ll do anything just to get over it and live a blame-free marriage. But how are you ever going to get out of it?
You can find out in this article ‘how to deal with a husband who blames you for everything’ how to address this issue. But before you jump to the solution, let’s look at the impact blame has on the relationship.
Blame only survives when you buy into your fears.–Jachym Jerie
Blame Divides
It’s you against him.
You’re not a team anymore. No. You’re the one at fault and you need to fix it yourself. If you blame your partner back, you’re simply entering a never-ending game of who’s at fault. Blame, in its essence, keeps you and your partner stuck in a rut.
Blame is one of the toxic communication patterns that we’ve uncovered that need to go for the relationship to flourish. In our The Cherished Wife Program, we help you to address it so that it won’t come back again.
But blame doesn’t just divide. It can go further as well.
Is Blaming A Form Of Abuse?
It can be.
Emotional abuse has various signs. Blame is one of them. But it all depends on how blame is playing out in the relationship. If blame has become a chronic pattern in the relationship, it can be considered a form of abuse. If blame happens once a while, I wouldn’t see it as abuse.
Blame isn’t healthy, even if it doesn’t happen often. But it can be an innocent reaction that comes from your partner trying not to blame himself.
Why Is Blame Usually Counterproductive In Relationships?
Think about this:
The two people in charge of a company are busy blaming each other. What do you think will happen to the company?
It’ll go downhill. No one is there steering it anymore.
It’s the same with your relationship. Who’s going to decide what amazing adventure you’re going to have when you’re busy being stuck in blame?
No one.
The reason why blame is counterproductive is because it doesn’t get anything done. And this is one of the reasons why you don’t need to accept the blame.
You don’t resolve the conflict. You don’t use your energy to create a nourishing relationship. Instead, you’re busy playing the blame game.
A blame-free marriage can become better than the honeymoon!– Natasha Koo
It Robs The Relationship From Its Potential
You have so much potential as a couple.
You can change so much in the world when you combine your energy. It’s synergetic!
But if all the energy is tied up in your little conflicts rather than uplifting and empowering each other, you don’t get anywhere. As long as you keep the blame going, you won’t reach the potential you have as a couple.
We experienced this in our own relationship. Natasha and I stopped the blame game altogether, and we were so surprised to find out how much more energy we had.
All the nagging, bickering and hurtful interactions used to drain our energy every single day. Once we learned how to stop the blame cycle, our love and connection grew exponentially.
Without getting stuck on all the things that pushed each other away, we could bond together as a team and tackle the things that actually mattered to us.
You can change so much in the world when you combine your energy. It’s synergetic and the beginning of an Exceptional Relationship.
Why Blame Is Toxic For A Marriage?
Besides not living up to your potential, blame has the power to slowly poison your marriage and send it to its grave.
You may not believe it right now because you’ve gotten used to it. But believe me, once you see how bad blame really is, you will not ever want it back in your relationship.
Here’s why blame is toxic:
A relationship needs love. Without love, it dies.
Blame is rooted in fear and not in love. The more you allow patterns that are driven by fear, the more the relationship suffers. It’s like allowing all the weeds in your flower garden to flourish. Before you know, all the energy is taken up by the weeds and your roses die.
Luckily, the solution isn’t complicated. It’s a simple decision:
Do I keep choosing fear over love or do I choose love from now on?
Do you take the easy route of blame or the nourishing path of accountability?
Once you make a firm decision, you won’t be able to go back to the patterns that are driven by fear. Yes, it’s a journey but you won’t ever go on it without making the decision. Fortunately, you don’t have to do this by yourself. We’ve got the blueprint to turn your relationship around.
In the end, it’s better to find ways to resolve a conflict rather than to point fingers at one another.
Because here’s the deal:
Your end goal in every disagreement is not to win an argument. In most cases, winning an argument can also mean losing the person you love.
Not sure how to communicate with your husband without ending up in a fight?
Tune in to this podcast episode to learn the 4 tactics you can use to keep the peace in your marriage.
You don’t have to go at each other’s throats. You can return to the harmonious love and connection that you have with your partner again.
All you need are the right tools and skills. Listen to this podcast episode to get started.
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