It’s terrifying. You now come home to a partner who barely talks to you.
You can’t help but wonder: did I do anything wrong? Why doesn’t my husband talk to me anymore?
Your honeymoon feels like a distant memory when you two laughed together all the time and talked until the sun came up. Where have those times of connection and intimacy gone?
If all this has been on your mind lately, then you’re in the right place. You’ll finally get your answer to this: what do you do when your husband won’t communicate with you? Read on to find out what’s really going on behind the silence and what you can do to turn things around with your spouse, even if he’s ignoring you.
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Why Does My Husband Never Talk to Me?
There are countless reasons for a spouse to shut down. The only way to truly know what’s happening for your husband is to find out from him. But since he isn’t communicating, we’re giving you just a few of the many possible reasons.
Possibility #1: Your Husband Won’t Talk Because He Has a Personal Problem
Yes! Not all issues within the relationship have to do with you. Many men try to solve their problems by themselves, instead of seeking help. It has nothing to do with you. His energy is absorbed with trying to solve the problem. That’s all.
If this is the case, just give him the space he needs and trust that he’ll eventually come out of it.
Possibility #2: Your Husband Won’t Talk Because He Feels Hurt
Some people shut their spouse out because they’ve been hurt by them. It’s their protection mechanism to try to not get hurt any further. Many times you don’t know that you’ve hurt your man because he didn’t say anything.
A snide remark can really hurt your husband’s feelings especially when it makes him question his worth as a man. Be mindful of what you say and whether you’re using negative communication.
At the heart of communication is understanding. It doesn’t matter if you’ve hurt each other in the past. What matters is that you can move beyond it and are able to communicate through even the hardest times.
Our signature The Cherished Wife Program teaches women like you to communicate in an effective and respectful way so that you can restore the love, connection and passion in your relationship. Want to know how to apply this in your own relationship? You can save your spot here.
Feeling hurt doesn’t just happen because of bad communication. Your husband can also feel hurt when his needs aren’t met by you. This can lead to feeling emotionally neglected which then leads him to withdraw from you.
Possibility #3: Your Husband Won’t Talk Because He’s Trying to Punish You
If your husband does this, he’s probably being passive-aggressive. It’s rooted in an inability to handle conflict and emotions appropriately. He’s giving you the silent treatment because he knows that withdrawing affection from you will hurt you.
This way of communicating needs to be addressed and weeded out of your relationship. It’s dysfunctional and all it accomplishes is more hurt.
Possibility #4: Your Husband Won’t Talk Because He Hates Conflict
Many people lack the ability to deal with conflict in a relationship. They often do one of the following:
- Compromise
- Say yes when they want to say no
- Avoid the conflict altogether
None of these work. Your husband might not be talking to you because he doesn’t want to get into a fight. His only way of achieving that, in his eyes, is to not communicate with you at all. If this is the case, think back to a time when he did try to communicate to you and ask yourself:
How did I react?
Many times, conflict avoidance in a relationship increases because the other partner lacks the gentleness that’s necessary to work through an issue. If deep down you know that there are certain topics that caused friction between you two which you now avoid, then this reason could apply to you.
Possibility #5: Your Husband Won’t Talk Because He Isn’t a Talker
Not everyone is naturally gifted with words. It’s actually quite likely that a talker and non-talker get along really well at the beginning of a relationship. The non-talker is happy to just listen and the talker loves that someone is listening.
But eventually you can start to wonder: ‘Why’s my husband not talking to me? Why am I always talking and sharing? What should I do when my husband won’t communicate with me?’
What was first appealing to you now becomes a bit of a problem. To handle this issue, you must stop measuring your husband to some standard of what’s an acceptable amount of talking. Be comfortable with silence and allow him to communicate in other ways that are not verbal.
Now that we’ve covered five possible reasons for why your husband isn’t communicating with you, let’s look at what some women think all this means for you and your relationship.
What Does It Mean When Your Husband Doesn’t Talk to You?
We like to ascribe meaning to other people’s behavior and what that means about us and the relationship. These ways of making meaning are often not challenged or looked at, which then leads to a lot of misunderstandings.
That’s why we created this section to challenge some of these ideas.
Be wary of the stories your mind tells you. They aren’t truths, they are stories.– Jachym Jerie
He Doesn’t Love Me Anymore
Maybe. But you’re jumping to conclusions without knowing what’s really going on. A husband’s silence doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t love you anymore. There are many more factors involved that would determine whether he still loves you or not.
Rather than jumping to conclusions, stay open to being proven wrong. Otherwise, your mindset and actions will further detriment your relationship, especially when your husband won’t communicate with you anymore.
He’s Cheating On Me
He might be. But again, you don’t know whether that’s true or not. Why jump to the worst possible scenario right away? If your mind is spinning like that, you might have an anxious attachment style.
Be wary of the stories your mind tells you. They are stories and not reality.
He’s Unhappy With Me
Yes, that’s an option. If he thinks you’ve hurt or neglected him, then yes, he’ll be unhappy with you. His silence doesn’t automatically mean that, though. It also doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. It simply shows that you have different needs and desires.
You may even have different ways of handling conflict. That’s ok and there’s a way to fix things.
So what’s really going on?! Don’t worry, we got you covered and will reveal other issues that might be troubling your husband which leads him to not communicate with you.
What’s Happening Within Your Man That He Doesn’t Communicate
Rather than painting the worst picture of your relationship, let’s look at some plausible alternatives that might be going on. A lack of communication doesn’t always mean doom-and-gloom
We react to our internal stories and projections.- Natasha and Jachym Jerie
1. He feels that he’s tried and it doesn’t work.
People are often very clumsy in their communication. They either don’t know how to listen or don’t know how to communicate clearly. Your man might have tried to let you know that he’s unhappy by complaining. That’s a form of clumsy communication that often doesn’t get heard.
2. He doesn’t know what to talk about.
Not everyone has endless subjects on hand to talk about. Especially if you’re not living a life where you’re constantly growing. When a routine sets in, you quickly hear yourself ask the same questions and talk about the same things, and the conversation starts to deteriorate.
3. He doesn’t feel comfortable with words.
Communication isn’t just verbal. We communicate by doing things for others, through physical touch, by looking into each other’s eyes, etc. There are so many more ways we communicate. Your man simply might not be good with words.
4. He’s uncomfortable being vulnerable because he’s scared to be seen as weak.
This is a big one for many men. They have the idea in their head that a strong man shows no emotions. Having such an idea in his head prevents him from forming an honest and open relationship. It also stops him from communicating with you because he thinks he can’t do it.
Do you see how these reasons have a lot to do with him? Why?
Because that’s often the case! People react to their own internal stories. But, many people don’t realize that. They believe their perception is what’s really true. Even when it isn’t. The best thing you can do for your husband is to drop all the stories about what his silence could mean. Be present with him without talking.
Practically speaking, what does that mean for you and your relationship? We’ll dive into the topic in the next section.
How Can I Get My Husband to Communicate With Me?
Enchanting conversations, long evenings gazing into each other’s eyes and getting lost in the most beautiful and intimate connection you’ve ever felt in your life.
Is that all part of the past now? Can you possibly have that wonderful connection again?
The answer is yes, you can turn things around. But you won’t like what we have to say to you first. Because the key for it is this:
Be comfortable with him not communicating.
Why’s that? Because when you’re not comfortable, you put pressure on him to talk more. What do you think he’ll do? Push you further away. Not only that, he’ll start dreading being with you because you’re putting him under too much pressure.
Being comfortable with silence is the first vital step to turn this dynamic around for good. When you’re not comfortable with it, your partner will know, even if you don’t tell him! Human beings pick up on so much more than you think.
In our The Cherished Wife Program, we help women create emotional peace within them. When you’re in a good space, you’ll show up differently in your relationship. Your man won’t feel desire towards you if you’re all needy and clingy. That’s why we take care of you first! To reconnect to that naturally attractive and nurturing wife within you, join the best program to turn your marriage around by applying for it now.
Only when you’re at peace with yourself can you go for the next step. Sometimes we believe that the solution that we need is what we think it is. If it were that simple, wouldn’t you have solved your problem by now? That’s why this process is necessary. Master the silence and communication will be that much easier.
How Do I Get Him to Communicate?
Influence is our inner ability to lift people up to our perspective.- Joseph Wong
You seduce him to talk to you more. How will you do that? By creating an emotionally safe environment. What does this mean? It means that it’s a place where he feels safe, loved, and valued.
You can create that by cutting out any:
- Nagging
- Bickering
- Blaming
- Criticizing
- Contempt
- Defensiveness
All of these are communication patterns that are rooted in fear and insecurities. Instead you want to learn to communicate in a way that’s:
- Empowering
- Caring
- Loving
- Uplifting
- Understanding
- And clear
This way of communicating is grounded in love and care. When your husband feels loved and appreciated, he’ll want to talk to you. When he feels that you’ll have a go at him, he’ll shut down.
Do you see how all this works together? You need to take care of yourself so that you can create a loving environment. That’s exactly what we teach our clients in The Cherished Wife Program. It puts your relationship on a solid foundation and helps you to stop arguments before they even happen. Instead, you get to rekindle your relationship and see it grow stronger as you grow older together.
Now that we’ve covered the foundation of what to do when your husband won’t communicate with you, let’s look at what to do when he still doesn’t speak.
How Do I Ask Him to Communicate More?
Please make sure you’ve read the previous section so that you have a solid foundation on how you can get your husband to speak to you without putting any pressure on him.
If this doesn’t work, here’s how you can phrase your request for more communication. Be aware that he might be a bit jaded at this point if you’ve been asking him to talk more.
Example:
You never talk to me! You just sit there like a goldfish. You know I have needs too! Is it so hard to just open your mouth for once?!
Why’s that bad?
She’s criticizing him, calling him a goldfish and nagging him to just open up. This is a terrible idea.
Example:
I’ve been feeling a bit lonely lately. I miss some quality time with you. I’d really appreciate it if we could have an evening together each week where we share our hearts. You know, I really love you and you’re so important to me but I feel that we’ve started to take each other for granted.
Would you be open to try this with me? It would mean the world to me.
Why does this work?
- She’s saying how she feels without going overboard.
- She says what she’s missing.
- She gives a clear solution (Every week, an evening together. It would be even better to suggest a day).
- She lets him know how much he means to her and that she feels that they’ve stopped really appreciating each other.
- She asks him straight up if he wants to do this and how much it would mean to her if he does.
The last point is vital. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. You’re making a request and he has the choice to accept or reject it. If you don’t make a clear request, it’ll not be heard or properly acknowledged. You have to say what you actually want. Be vulnerable and open.
In The Cherished Wife Program we show you how you can phrase all kinds of requests so that your husband becomes responsive to you rather than pushing you further away. Imagine how your relationship will flourish when you see how much your man appreciates, loves, and cherishes you again.
Imagine how it’d feel when he comes home and the first thing he does is to be with you. That’s what’s possible when you join us today!
Now let’s look at how to proceed if all of the above fails and you’re still wondering what to do when your husband won’t communicate with you.
How Do You Communicate With a Husband That Does Not Communicate?
If your husband simply doesn’t respond to a request despite you providing a loving environment, this section is for you.
First of all let’s clear up a misunderstanding:
It’s impossible to not communicate.
Your husband is ALWAYS communicating with you with:
- How he looks or doesn’t look at you.
- How he carries his body.
- What he does or doesn’t do in the household.
There’s communication happening as long as he’s alive. Instead of thinking that he isn’t communicating with you, ask yourself this:
What’s he communicating to you right now?
Just because you’re obsessed with words doesn’t mean that he is as well. It could be that you guys are a mismatch in communication styles. You love some intellectual banter while he just doesn’t know what to do with it.
He doesn’t even like words that much, which is why he isn’t communicating with you in a way that you’d like. Rather, he shows his love with his hands, making love or spending time together. If this is the case, you have two choices:
1. Look for your intellectual stimulation elsewhere.
Don’t expect him to match your prowess in words when it doesn’t come naturally to him. Your husband might simply be bad at verbal communication.
2. Show him your world
Don’t ask your husband to be like you. He isn’t and that’s good. Instead, invite him into your world of communication. I write ‘invite’ and not ‘force’ for a reason. If you use force because you feel neglected, abandoned and not appreciated, you’re not respecting where your husband’s at in this moment. It’s all about you getting all of your needs met by your husband. That’s why you have to take care of yourself first!
Once you have, you can seek communication and make a request like we’ve shared above. You can make it easier for him by preparing for the evening and playing a game of asking romantic questions. We’ve prepared a PDF for you that you can print out, cut up and put into a bowl. It’ll make it easy for both of you because you don’t have to come up with questions yourselves. You can get it below:
100 Romantic Questions For Date-Night
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Be patient with him and let him skip questions if he’s not comfortable answering them. Fun and playfulness is more important than his answers.
We’ve now peeled back the layers that are actually found behind communication. What seemed to be about the words exchanged between you and your partner actually mean a lot more now. May it be holding the space so that you can be comfortably quiet together, or going inward to get clarity on the needs that might not be met for you, this is your opportunity to create positive changes in your marriage.
No matter the path you take going forward, come from the understanding that you and your husband are fundamentally different. Have empathy for each other and the journey that you are embarking on together. And most importantly, know yourself so that you can show up in the most empowered way possible in your relationship.
Take charge of your own life.
Take charge of your love-life.
FAQ
We’ve prepared a bunch of questions that people are asking around this topic. Keep in mind that we don’t know your specific situation. That’s why our answers may not apply to you. We trust that you use your own discernment to decide whether these answers are valuable or not.
To create an Exceptional Relationship, it takes an exceptional commitment.- Natasha & Jachym Jerie
Can Lack of Communication Ruin a Relationship?
Yes. But it’s not the lack of communication that’s the issue, but rather that you and your spouse won’t get your needs met. When you don’t communicate with each other you can’t tell your spouse what you like or dislike.
Not having your needs met leads to resentment, disconnection, and despair. That’s why a lack of communication can ruin a marriage.
Can a Relationship Last Without Communication?
No. A relationship requires honesty, openness, and courage. A lack of communication means that you’re in a relationship where at least one person doesn’t feel comfortable expressing what they are thinking and what they need.
You do need to express these things for a relationship to flourish.
Can There Be Love Without Communication?
Yes. Love isn’t dependent on communication. You can feel love for no reason and with no desire to express it. But love itself isn’t what sustains or makes a relationship successful.
Also, love can be expressed differently. You can find out about the 5 love languages here for an introduction on how people express love.
Is Lack of Communication a Red Flag?
You need to be clear on your relationship values. What do you actually want? If open communication is important to you and non-negotiable than yes, it’s a red flag. If it’s not a red flag, at the very least it’s a sign that you need to address this with your partner.
Most people are completely unaware what’s important to them in a relationship. That’s why in our The Cherished Wife Program, we help women become clear on what they truly value so that they can create the relationship of their dreams. This is crucial for a successful long-lasting marriage because you have a vision that is led by your heart. It gives you clarity to move together as a team.
Without a clear understanding of what kind of relationship you want, you have no compass to guide you. Even when it comes to the lack of communication in your marriage, get clear on what it is that you want and why it matters to you.
Is Lack of Communication a Reason to Break up?
Pretty much anything can be taken as a reason to break up. But if you’re considering breaking up, you’re not breaking up because of lack of communication. You’re breaking up because you don’t see a solution to your marital problems.
You want to quit because of how things currently feel to you. You’re breaking up because a specific need isn’t met in your relationship.
So is lack of communication a reason to break up a marriage? Communication is a tool. It’s a means to an end. You don’t end a relationship over a tool. What you need to do is get to the need that isn’t met and find a way to fulfill it. That might just save your relationship. Skirt around the topic of communication only. Get to the root of what’s really bothering you.
What Does Lack of Communication Do to a Relationship?
The better question is: what does lack of communication do to me?
You’re a part of the relationship and if you find out what it does to you, you know what it does to the relationship. For many people a lack of communication leads them to feel:
- Unheard
- Unseen
- Not valued
- Not appreciated
- Emotionally neglected
- Lonely
- Angry
- Helpless
It’s not a good place to be in. But, there’s a way out. We can help you break the pattern of no communication and give you the tools to turn your relationship around. Every relationship goes through troubles; the ones that make it through emerge stronger and better than before. Will yours be one of them?
Apply here to get into our The Cherished Wife Program today. Get the skills, tools and knowledge you need to build an unshakable marriage foundation that lasts the test of time
.
Is It Normal for Couples to Not Talk?
Nope, it’s not. What is normal is that you talk less often than when you’ve first met. You know each other’s preferences, past and dislikes. But, many couples fall into the trap believing that they know their spouse. They don’t. Your spouse is always evolving and changing. When you don’t see that, you’ve fallen into the trap of mistaking your spouse for your ideas of your spouse.
That said, not talking isn’t an issue if you feel a deep connection. Why? Because connection beats communication all the time. To have a fruitful conversation, you need connection. But you don’t need communication for connection to happen.
Rather than working on your communication, look for the connection you share.
What Does Silence Mean in a Relationship?
If you’ve read the article, you’ll know the five reasons why your husband might not be talking. Silence in a relationship doesn’t mean anything besides the meaning you give it.
The better question to ask is this: how do you feel about the silence in your relationship?
I personally enjoy silence. I love being still with Natasha. It’s great. The depth of connection in stillness, is unmatched by any word we can say to each other. But I assume that you might have a different experience.
Find out how you feel about it and then be honest to yourself. Only then can you change your relationship.
Why Do Relationships Fail Due to Lack of Communication?
Because communication allows each partner to express what their needs, feelings, desires, and thoughts are. Without communication, it’ll be hard to know these things.
When you don’t know what your partner needs, you can’t help him with it. Before you know it, the relationship is deprived of love, understanding, and connection. The very foundation which keeps a relationship together is broken. That’s why relationships fail due to a lack of communication.
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