You promised to love each other and be there in sickness and in health.
You promised to support each other through life’s ups and downs.
At the time, you meant every single word in your vows. But right now? It feels more like an outdated speech of a hopeless romantic.
Where’s the emotional support from your husband when you need it? You don’t remember the last time you felt really understood.
It’s as if you two speak completely different languages now. He just doesn’t seem to get what you want. And you’re tired of trying to make him care.
Is there a solution to the lack of emotional support from your husband? How can you receive the emotional support that you need without begging?
We’ll answer all those questions and more in this article. Even if you feel like your marriage has a lack of emotional support from your husband, there are solutions. Keep reading because we’ll break it down for you so that you feel cared for, cherished and supported once again.
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What is Emotional Support in a Marriage?
Relationships are a conduit of love. The only things that prevent love from flowing freely are fears and insecurities.– Natasha & Jachym Jerie
Sounds like an easy question, right? It isn’t.
The fundamental issue with the question is its vagueness. What is emotional support? How do you define it? And how come some people don’t feel emotional support, while their partner believes they are giving it to them?
Emotional support in marriage is actually a very subjective term. But it boils down to one thing:
Whether you or your partner feels supported.
For some people, being emotionally supported by someone else means that they listen without interrupting or trying to fix them. For others, they love to get advice from the other person. But because we’re believing that emotional support should be obvious, we often don’t communicate what we need.
That’s why it’s more useful to define emotional support this way:
Emotional support in a marriage is the willingness to engage in activities that are useful for the partner to process their emotions.
What these activities actually are will change from person to person. That said, it’s totally natural to want emotional support from your partner. There’s nothing wrong with you.
In our coaching program The Cherished Wife, we walk you through how you can elicit emotional support from your husband effortlessly. There’s no need to keep begging for it. If anything, that’s hurting your relationship more.
No. We’ll show you how you can transform your relationship without having to have endless talks. Apply here, to reserve your seat now.
What Do You Do When Your Husband is Not Emotionally Supportive?
Your husband isn’t a one-stop-solution for all your needs. Just look at this list:
He should be strong and manly.
He should be soft and emotional.
He should be passionate and wild.
He should be responsible and safe.
He should take care of my needs.
He shouldn’t suffocate me.
Ladies, your husband can’t be everything for you. Relying on him to cover all your needs is going to lead to disappointment.
Because he’ll have bad days when he won’t be there for you just when you need him the most. Then what? You’ll have to find a way to be there for yourself or find a friend who is willing to help you out.
What you need is fundamentally your own responsibility. Owning your needs is the first step to getting your husband to meet them.
Take Responsibility for Your Own Emotions
Everything changes for the better when you take ownership of your own problems.– Robert Ringer
It’s easy to see our partners as the ones who can make us feel better or different. But abdicating responsibility for what you’re feeling to someone else simply puts you into a position of being powerless. But the truth is: you aren’t powerless.
Taking ownership of your emotions puts you into a position of being there for yourself. Most of the time when we want emotional support, we aren’t really there with our hurt. We want someone else to be there with it.
Because it’s too painful. While it’s a great experience when someone is really present to tend to your wounds, it can’t properly substitute your own presence.
Talk to Someone Else
As we’ve mentioned before: your husband can’t do it all. That’s why it’s great to have someone else in your life that you can trust. This can be family or friends. When you take ownership of your emotions, you find a way to give yourself what you need, rather than waiting for it to happen.
Having a supportive friend can be a great way of meeting a need that you just won’t get met by your husband. It’ll strengthen your relationship because you’re not demanding something of him that he just can’t give to you.
Feeling your emotions, including the ones that arise when you feel a lack of emotional support from your husband, can be truly transforming. Many people don’t feel. They’re stuck in the stories about:
- The emotions
- The situation that ‘caused’ the emotions
- What this emotion means
Feeling has nothing to do with any of it. Feeling simply means to go into the raw sensation of the experience.
While what we’ve outlined above can really do a lot of good for yourself and your relationship, we also want to show you that you can get emotional support from your husband.
How to Get Emotional Support From Your Husband
A big relief.
He’s here and fully present. You feel touched, held, caressed and taken care of. The world already looks better to you. That’s the power a partner can have on someone’s emotional life. And you can have it too.
Love doesn’t hide. Love blossoms when it reaches the most vulnerable places and brings them into the light of awareness.– Jachym Jerie
There’s nothing quite as powerful as taking off all your guards and simply showing yourself fully to your partner. Something magical happens in these moment of true vulnerability:
He sees you and is moved by you.
But many women aren’t vulnerable. They hide behind:
These are all avoidance patterns. You’re putting on a hardshell around you instead of showing your softness. In our flagship coaching program The Cherished Wife we help you take off all your armor. Instead, you’ll step into your own delicious tenderness that makes your man go crazy over you. We take you by your hand so that you can reconnect with your magnetic feminine essence. Gone are the days where you have to ask for emotional support from your husband, because he just gets you. Apply here to reserve your seat now.
Communicate With All You Have
Your man isn’t a mind reader. His lack of emotional support could just be a sign that you’re not clear in your communication. Here’s how you can be more specific and clear:
“I had such a hard day, could I just get a hug from you?”
“I don’t know why but I just need a cuddle right now. Are you free right now?”
“I’d really love for you to sit down and just listen to me. I need to air out my mind for a bit. You don’t need to fix anything, just hold me with your presence.”
These are clear examples of what you want him to do. But it doesn’t stop there. Remember the section about being vulnerable? One reason why it’s so powerful is because you communicate a surrender and softness to your partner with your whole being.
You let yourself go in his presence and he instinctively will want to catch you and be there for you. This kind of communication has very little to do with the words you use and it has everything to do with how you show up in your relationship.
It’s often totally neglected. But this way of communication is the part that can make the biggest difference in your relationship.
Because your husband might not be great with words. But he might be great in other ways of communication. But maybe you’re finding yourself with a husband who isn’t just not supportive. He’s also distant. We’ve got you covered:
How to Live With an Emotionally Distant Husband
Do you want to keep the status quo or do you want to elicit change?
If you don’t want to keep how things are then don’t look to cope with it. You don’t want to give up on your dreams of how your relationship could look like. An Exceptional Relationship needs to be fostered. You want to thrive instead of survive.
This means that you regain your husband’s attention, love and affection.
Before we dive-in to see what you can do, let’s address this question:
What Causes a Husband to Become Distant?
There are many reasons, like he feels:
- Doubtful about the relationship
All of these emotional states can cause your husband to become emotionally distant. Many men tend to withdraw when they face an issue rather than talk it out with their partners. He could also be distant because of what has happened to him in the past. If he’s experienced emotional pain, he might have chosen to close his heart to protect himself.
This very act of protection won’t actually work; it hurts him even more. But whatever state you find your husband in, there’s hope.
In our The Cherished Wife Program we have created a one of a kind relationship transformation experience. In it, we lay out all the destructive behaviors that might turn your husband away and how you can replace them with empowering ones.
We show you how you can become a woman he simply loves to be around. Someone he can deeply trust and knows that it’s safe to emotionally open up to. Apply here to reserve your spot now.
The feminine holds incredible power. But this power is in surrender, not in being controlling.– Natasha Koo
How Do I Connect With an Emotionally Absent Spouse?
There’s no magic word.
But there are attitudes you can adopt that will help:
1. Love Him
There’s something special about being loved especially when you’re disconnected from your feelings. Loving your partner just as he is, is a beautiful practice. But it means that you drop your own neediness and insecurities.
Because you can’t be there for your partner when you’re trying to get something out of the interaction.
2. Listen Even if He Isn’t Talking
To listen to someone means to feel them. It’s like hearing the rhythm of life they are playing. That’s the kind of listening you want to bring into your relationship. It goes way beyond words. Doing this will allow you to connect with your husband on such a deep level, it might bring about incredible healing for both of you.
Because you’re seeing him without judgment. In The Cherished Wife Program we give you clear exercises to help you develop these kinds of abilities. We take you by the hand and show you how you can interact with your husband that’ll bring out the best in both of you. You don’t have to do this alone. You can have us by your side showing you what to do to turn things around.
3. Show Him
Nothing teaches him more than embodying the very qualities you seek. Showing your husband how a person is when they’re deeply connected to their emotions is much better than trying to make him be connected. Your own connection to your emotions means that you truly heal yourself.
You don’t just keep repeating the same circles of emotions. No, you grow and evolve through being emotional.
Showing him also means that you open your heart when he’s closed. You allow him to see how his closeness is impacting you. Many men are totally unaware how much their closed hearts can hurt the relationship. You being open and vulnerable gives him a chance to see something he hasn’t seen before.
We get it. It isn’t always easy to open up and vulnerably start the conversation when you don’t feel emotionally supported. We can sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that a relationship always has to be comfortable for things to be ‘on the right track’.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth. You’re together because you want to brace the storms together. That’s the reason you both united to be in a committed relationship in the first place! You can take on challenges together and win in the end.
That’s what’s needed here. Take responsibility for how you feel and take the steps that we outlined above. Take this opportunity to create a deeper bond with your spouse.
Because deep down, he wants to see and feel the real you. He wants to help you thrive into the incredible wife that you can be. So it’s time to really show up and own your emotions.
You are strong enough to deal with this, even if he’s become emotionally distant. Just like how your love, trust and respect grew for each other. You can nurture this same emotional connection again.
It might take work, but it is absolutely do-able. If you need customized tips that are proven to work for your relationship, then apply for our Cherished Wife Program and get the help that you need. Remember, you don’t have to do this on your own. Every relationship will hit some bumps along the way, it’s how you face it that matters.
If you’re tired of feeling abandoned and neglected then take action today. Do one thing that we suggested within this article and receive the emotional support that you want. There’s no need to suffer on your own any longer. You can do this.
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