Is it normal to fight everyday in a marriage?
While there are experts out there who say it’s normal, we don’t endorse that. Here’s why:
- Fighting is a disagreement gone out of control.
- Fighting doesn’t resolve anything, it only creates more hurt.
- What society thinks is normal isn’t necessarily healthy.
- Fighting is a form of violence.
We’ll be breaking down each point above to understand why fighting everyday isn’t normal nor helpful in your marriage. Want to have less drama in your relationship? Want to know how arguments can be resolved in a peaceful way instead?
Read on to find out why stopping recurring fights is crucial for a happy and long-lasting marriage.
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Fighting Is A Disagreement Gone Out Of Control
Both of you are unique human beings which means that:
- You have different preferences
- You see the world differently
- You have different needs
- You have different lifestyles
- You have different goals in life
- You value different things
That’s just a short list of all the things that are different about the two of you. That’ll lead to disagreements, right? Absolutely.
But disagreements aren’t fights. For example, you can have a friendly debate with your friend with different points of view without needing to fight them and then having to apologize.
What if your disagreements with your partner don’t have to turn into fights?
There’s a reason why we’re in a romantic relationship with someone else and not ourselves. How boring would it be to be with someone who did, thought and lived exactly the way that you would?
Part of having an exceptional relationship is to be able to embrace your differences and grow together! Each of our world-views are extremely limited and it’s not even accurate. It’s just one way of seeing the world.
By embracing your partner’s perspective, you get to see the world through new lenses. This is enriching and makes you fall even deeper in love and appreciation for each other.
Take it from us. When I first met Jachym, I couldn’t comprehend, nevermind appreciate, his need for personal time. I was always filling up my calendars to the brim with social events and obligations. Taking time off in my own company wasn’t something I could do. We were exact opposites and I made fun of him at first.
Over time, I learned to appreciate the quiet alone time that Jachym so enjoyed. I realized that lots of insights came from moments of stillness.
By trying out Jachym’s way of doing things, I found out that it’s immensely valuable to give yourself the time and space to rewind and gather your thoughts. It allowed me to go into action mode with more intention and clarity than before.
Had I argued with Jachym and tried to force my way of living onto him, I wouldn’t have learned so much about myself. Staying curious and opening up the conversation about our differences lead us closer to each other.
My respect for him grew as I realized the value and wisdom behind his thinking and actions. Resistance through fighting would’ve ruined something that was good for us.
If you don’t get along with your spouse and you feel irritated, ask yourself: is there something to learn here? It can be the very key to lead you back to more love and connection.
Fighting Doesn’t Resolve Anything, It Only Creates More Hurt
Have your daily arguments resolved anything?
If you said yes, how come you’re still fighting?
Fighting in a relationship doesn’t lead anywhere.– Jachym Jerie
That’s why you keep having them. You don’t have to settle for a relationship where you keep arguing with each other. You can have the marriage of your dreams. It starts by having good communication with your spouse.
Imagine feeling safe to talk to your husband about anything.
Imagine being so in love that each conversation brings you even closer together.
Imagine feeling excited about your future together because you’re on the same page.
That’s what exceptional relationships feel like every single day. How can you shift into this healthy and long-lasting partnership?
The less you fight, the more you understand one another. If repetitive conflicts are all that you focus on, where is your relationship headed? Is there any room for growth? Bring your marriage back on track by fighting less.
Fighting Spills Over
Relationships are the building blocks of our society. How we conduct ourselves in relationships has a direct impact on humanity as a whole.– Natasha & Jachym Jerie
Fighting isn’t just hurtful for you and your partner, it impacts people around you as well.
For example: You had a fight and you went to work. Someone says something that you’d usually shrug off, but today you’re still processing the fight. Instead of handling the situation with a cool head, you blow up at your co-worker.
Do you see how your fighting with your spouse impacted your co-worker? Now there’s a chance that he’ll go around and spread it further. Fighting leads to hurt in you, your partner, and the world.
That’s why we’re taking a stance against fighting. Please be aware that:
- We’re not condemning it.
- We’re not advising you to pretend that everything’s great when you feel hurt.
- We’re not asking you to suppress your feelings.
What we’re asking is to become aware of the consequences fighting has and to find a way to address these differences without violence. How can you do that?
Knowing how to recover and move on from a fight is the first step. Taking the time to talk to your partner about your marriage is another way. At the end of the day, you can create the type of relationship that you want. It’s possible to have marriage without blame and defensiveness.
Want to know what already currently shapes your marriage? Read on to find out.
What Society Thinks Is Normal Isn’t Necessarily Healthy
Turn on the TV.
What do you see?
Violence and drama. You think it’s normal that you fight with your spouse because all the media portrays it so. But what if it isn’t? What if you can have a drama-free marriage? If you want that stop buying into the standard stories that are perpetuated in society like:
- Men can’t be faithful
- You just lose the spark over time
- We’re not designed for monogamy
- Men and women are just too different to get along
- It’s normal to fight in a marriage
- Trust is good but control is better
- You shouldn’t feel attraction towards other people
Let’s assume you think that trust is good but control’s better. If you believe that, you’ll be checking your partner’s phone, stalking them on social media, tracking where they go etc. Doesn’t sound very healthy does it? It really isn’t. This behavior is rooted in being fearful.
Moving through your fears strengthens the relationship. Transforming your insecurities into joy and love brings you closer together. Keeping your fears and insecurities? That’s a death sentence for any relationship.– Natasha & Jachym Jerie
Here’s How You Take Back Control Over Your Marriage
The only way you’ll be able to have an exceptional marriage is to stop buying into all these storylines. Here’s what you can do.
- Take a piece of paper and pen
- Sit in a quiet spot where you’ll be uninterrupted
- Write out all the beliefs you have about marriage
- Look at your behavior in your marriage and ask yourself which belief could drive this kind of behavior. Write down the answer
You can do this exercise alone or with your partner. If you do it with your partner, we recommend that both of you do it on your own first and then come together to discuss. You’ll be surprised by what you’ll find out.
Now that you understand all the beliefs you’ve picked up from media, friends, and family, Go through each one of them and see if you really want to keep it.
Then sit down with your partner and ask how you want to define your marriage.
That’s how you build trust and an unique ecosystem that’s true to the both of you. Why’s this helpful? Because your marriage becomes an incredible place to explore, grow and thrive together.
By intentionally choosing what it is that you want to create together, your future is more clear and certain. You can get on the same page and build a relationship that you’re proud of having.
Instead of waiting for good things to come, you’re creating your dream marriage together. This is one of the reasons why stopping the argument cycle frees up valuable energy and time that you can actually use productively.
Fighting is a Form of Violence
Be the change that you wish to see in the world.– Mahatma Gandhi
Think back to the last fight you had with your partner. How did you feel afterwards?
Fighting doesn’t lead to joy.
Now let me ask you this:
Do you prefer to be happy and joyful or do you prefer the other option?
You’ll choose joyful. Of course, we all would! So why in the world would we keep a behavior that’s harmful and will not lead to joy? I don’t care what other experts have to say.
It is not healthy to hurt each other consistently and perpetually. Learn to have disagreements without fighting. Everything else is madness.
This isn’t just about you and your partner. The moment we say yes to passive-aggression, we’re letting it in. The moment we say yes to hurtful words, we’re letting it in.
The moment that we let down our standards of kindness, respect and compassion, we’re letting the opposite into our lives. Not only that, we’re taking a silent stance that it is okay to treat someone poorly just because there’s a disagreement.
Bringing love and connection back into your relationship has a more immediate impact than trying to end war.– Natasha Koo
How’d your life change if you’d overflow with love and joy everyday? How’d you impact the people around you with your positive energy? Do you see that fighting in your relationship isn’t an isolated event?
Don’t Suppress Your Feelings
After reading this far, you might be wondering if it’s just best to keep the anger to yourself. No. It’s not.
We’re not advocating you to suppress your feelings. We’re advocating to get to the root of what’s upsetting you and then communicating that.
If you have unmet needs in your marriage, you need to find a way to meet them. If you’re unhappy, you need to find a way to address that. It’s about being totally honest with yourself and your partner.
If we pretend that everything’s okay while we’re boiling inside, we’re still promoting violence. It’ll just come out in another way like blame.
This article isn’t about being a saint. It’s about bringing awareness to perpetual fighting and drama that you don’t need in your life.
Here’s the deal. Conflict is a part of any relationship. Jachym and I used to bicker and argue about the smallest things. The same issues came up every single day. When we were stuck in this conflict spiral, we couldn’t see anything else. All that was focused on was the arguments and how we didn’t get along.
Had we not resolved this through our Exceptional Relationship Formula, it would’ve eroded at our love and trust until nothing was last. We don’t want this to happen to you.
Now that you know how constant fighting actually breaks relationships, what will you do? It’s important to ask yourself: how do you feel after a fight? Do you feel any closer to your partner when you argue? Are you looking forward to the next argument?
I didn’t like who I was when I was nagging and fighting with Jachym. It brought out the worst in me. If you want an exceptional relationship, you have to bring out the best in each other and fighting doesn’t do that.
Jachym and I learned over time that anything that breaks our trust, bond and love in our marriage is a deal breaker. Why put up with a dysfunctional pattern when you could be thriving instead? If you’re serious about turning your marriage around, contact us LINK to get your relationship back on track for a happy and lasting future. You can end this conflict spiral, you just need to know how.
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