With your long to-do list in your hand, you sigh deeply.
If only you had more support from him.
You don’t remember the last time your husband took initiative and actively tried to help you out.
You’re beyond exhausted.
You’re tired of doing it all.
Doesn’t he even notice or care?
‘I want him to take initiative… but how?’ You ask yourself.
If this is how you feel, then you’re in the right place. This article will help you understand why your partner hasn’t been taking initiative and what you can do about it.
A marriage is a partnership. Your needs can be met.
He can be the powerful, capable man who you first fell in love with.
Keep reading to find out the secret to having a helpful, supportive husband who’s happy to take initiative in your marriage without you even asking.
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What Is a Passive Husband?
Don’t mistake quietness for passiveness. Your man might be reserved and quiet, yet not be passive.
So what’s the difference?
Quietness vs. Passiveness
Being passive means that your husband doesn’t take any initiative. He also doesn’t stand up when things aren’t right. He hopes that it’ll just pass and won’t need his input.
Under the passive layer is usually fear. Fear of being:
But your man might simply be quiet and not passive. For example, I am a quiet man, but I am not passive. If there’s something that’s not right, I stand up and make it right. I choose my engagement with people wisely and choose to hold back when I see it as appropriate.
Many times, being quiet and observant has paid off because I didn’t get swept up in my emotions. Being quiet allows you to strike when necessary while conserving energy the rest of the time.
Stillness isn’t a weakness, it’s often more powerful than any word you could say.– Jachym Jerie
Your husband is passive if he:
- Can’t assert himself
- Lets things happen even if he doesn’t want to
- Doesn’t want to provide a good future for you
- Has no interest besides TV
- Allows people to totally disrespect him
You might think that your husband is passive because your expectations of what he should do is very different from his own.
Why Is My Husband So Passive?
There are various reasons why a husband becomes passive and stops taking initiative. Here are some of them:
- He’s making decisions all day and just wants to relax at home
- He’s afraid of your reaction
- He had bad male role models
- He’s tried to take the lead and has been shut down by you
- He’s been blamed for making a bad decision
- He doesn’t feel like you trust and respect him
I became passive at some point in our relationship.
Because I was tired of hearing Natasha tell me how I was doing everything wrong. I didn’t want to hear the complaining anymore and honestly, it hurt. I felt like I was simply a useless man and that she would be better off without me.
Natasha didn’t intend to hurt me. She also didn’t want me to feel like a man. But she was unaware of what she was doing.
She didn’t realize that she didn’t give me any chance to actually show her what I can do.
It’s this very reason that we’re so passionate about The Cherished Wife Program. Your man won’t tell you what you’re doing wrong.
Because it takes real courage to be so open and vulnerable. And honestly, if he’s been blamed and criticized before, he doesn’t feel safe to do that.
But you don’t have to wait for him to open up. One of the three pillars of The Cherished Wife Program is all about understanding your man. You want to get into his brain so that you can behave and communicate in a way that’s uplifting and empowering for both of you!
No more guesswork, we’ve got the blueprint for you in our coaching program. Simply reserve your spot now to stop the misunderstandings that divide you and your spouse.
What to Do When Your Husband Never Takes the Initiative
I get you.
It’s important to you to have a strong, passionate, and driven man in your life. You want him to take charge and lead in the relationship. You’re probably sick and tired of taking the initiative all the time.
You want him to treat you like a VIP. You want him to court you and show you that you matter to him. After all, when you were first dating he was all over you. Didn’t he plan the dates and tried to surprise you?
Well, you can have that back and more. But more on that later.
First, we need to cover what you should do when you find yourself wondering: ‘Why does my husband never take the initiative?’
A Cherished Wife inspires her husband to take action, she doesn’t force him.– Natasha Koo
Acknowledge Your Desire for a Strong Man
It’s a good first step to realize what you truly want. It empowers you to do something about the situation rather than blaming and criticizing your husband and yourself.
It’s normal that you wish your man to be strong and powerful. After all, men used to be the ones who needed to protect the village and provide a safe home for the family. That’s why you want to feel that your husband is up for the task.
In today’s society, you might feel that looking for your man to take charge in the relationship is outdated. Or that you shouldn’t feel this way. We totally disagree, it’s normal and natural to have that desire and there’s nothing wrong with it.
You’re neither a push-over, nor are you giving up your right to be a free and strong woman. In reality, you’re truly showing up for yourself, rather than pushing away the desire that’s within you.
You Chose a Good Man
You aren’t stupid.
Neither is your man. You chose your man for a reason.
Deep down, you know that he’s capable and strong. You wouldn’t have chosen him otherwise.
Sometimes we can lose sight of this simple fact. You get so swept up in the judgment about how he should be that you forget that he really is someone special and someone who’s close to your heart.
Knowing that your man has the capacity to be great can change everything.
Because you reconnect to why you chose to be with him in the first place.
Now that we’ve looked at two very basic things you can do when your husband doesn’t take the initiative, let’s look at how you can actually change the situation for the better.
How Do I Deal With a Passive Husband?
It’s tempting, isn’t it?
You want him to be more proactive and take the initiative. You want to step in and tell him what to do… But wait! Isn’t that exactly the opposite of what you want?
When you take the initiative to solve his passiveness, it doesn’t really work.
Because you’re not inspiring him to take action, you’re forcing him to do it.
How long do you think that’ll last? Maybe a little while until he reverts back to his old ways. We know that well. In our The Cherished Wife Program, we show you how you can stop forcing your man to do what you want him to. There’s an easier and way more attractive way to create the lasting change that you want in your relationship. It’ll make him both more drawn to you and more happy to help.
As long as you try to use your old ways, you’ll get the same results. What’s needed is a shift in your own behavior and how you show up in the relationship. One of the three pillars in The Cherished Wife Program is called Unleash Your Inner Goddess.
In this module, we help you to step into your divine feminine essence, so you can naturally draw out your husband’s strength.
He wants to please you and he wants to see you happy. You just have to know how you can activate this desire in him.
Are you ready to receive all the love, attention, and affection you could ever wish for? Head over here to secure your spot now!
There’s nothing as enticing as a woman who fully loves herself.– Natasha & Jachym Jerie
Make Yourself Happy First
You’re unhappy because your husband isn’t living up to the expectations you have of him. You’re probably exhausted and tired of doing it all.
It’s time to stop and start treating yourself well.
Who do you think is more attractive:
- A woman who’s exhausted, disappointed, and bitter?
- A woman who feels refreshed, rejuvenated, and is having fun?
The second one always wins. Do you want your husband to make plans for the two of you? Allow yourself to be the woman he really wants to hang out with. You won’t become her if you keep doing it all.
But My Husband Doesn’t Plan Anything!
And he won’t unless you shift what you’re doing.
Yes, it’s easy to point the finger at your husband. But you’re part of this dynamic yourself. If you don’t address what you’re doing, nothing will change.
Your husband won’t take initiative until you step off the gas pedal. I know you want to have exciting dates and romantic dinners. They’ll come when you show up as your happy self and know how to inspire him to take the initiative. The secret to this is taught in our Cherished Wife Program in the Unleash Your Inner Goddess Module.
It’s truly possible for you. Gone are the days when you tell your girlfriends that your husband just won’t take initiative. Instead, they’ll ask you how you got him to be so proactive.
How Do I Get My Husband to Take Initiative?
The secret to getting your husband to take the initiative is to stop taking it yourself.
He comes to you and asks you what to wear. Instead of telling him what to do you say:
Whatever you think is best.
If he insists that you help, you look him in the eyes and tell him:
Honey, I fully trust you. I’ve other things to do right now. Choose what you think will suit you best.
It’s vital that you don’t go back to telling him:
- What to do
- How to do it
- When to do it
Step away from being the one who decides and let him decide.
You either choose love, or you choose your fears and insecurities; you can’t choose both.– Natasha & Jachym Jerie
Don’t Criticize His Decision
Your husband will be reluctant at first to decide and take the lead.
Because he probably didn’t have the best experiences in the past when he did. Or he believes that he isn’t good at it.
That’s why it’s paramount that you do not criticize him or the outcome. You have to know that he’ll make mistakes. And he for sure will decide things that you don’t necessarily agree with. But right now, he’s stepping into his new role.
Start with encouraging your husband to decide on things that you usually don’t give a thought of consulting with him. When things go south, refrain from attacking him and his decision through criticism. Criticism will simply discourage him from taking the lead and having made his decisions.
But there’s more, we encourage you to stop:
All of these negative communication patterns will drive your husband away and not pull him closer. What you think is normal really isn’t healthy nor desirable to keep up.
In The Cherished Wife Program, we dedicate a whole section to exploring different effective communication methods. We help you to replace these communication patterns with ones that are uplifting, empowering, and bound to bring you closer together.
All you need are the skills to turn your relationship around and you don’t have to do it yourself. We are here for you. Simply reserve your spot here.
Tell Him What He’s Done Well
You can focus on what your husband is screwing up, or you can focus on what he’s doing well.
Either way, you’ll be right.
But one of them will lead to your husband becoming more assertive, more confident and more powerful. The other is going to lead to your husband stagnating and hiding behind you like a little boy.
Here’s an example:
Your husband decided to take you out for dinner, but he chose a restaurant you don’t really like. You can either focus on his incompetence in picking a good restaurant or on the fact that he took the initiative.
People are quick to blame a decision someone makes; they don’t realize that the person at least dared to make a decision in the first place!
When you focus on what he’s doing well, tell him!
You want to constantly encourage him and show him that you like what he’s doing. Ensure that the things you mention are genuine because you don’t want him to do more of what you don’t like.
Forgive His Shortcomings
If there’s one thing your husband is afraid of, it is your disapproval. He probably knows that he made a mistake, and then you add your displeasure on top of it.
In most cases, you can simply let him off the hook. He burned the toast? Just make another one. If you start criticizing him, you’ll damage your relationship more than that toast.
If he made a bigger mistake that has more serious consequences, you still don’t want to have a go at him.
Because having conflict with you isn’t going to put him into a resourceful state. Instead, you can tell him:
Well that sucks, but I know you can figure a way out of this. You’re smart and capable, and I trust in your abilities.
If you want, you can offer your help, but make sure it doesn’t come from an overbearing place. That way, instead of inciting conflict, you and your husband can work together as a couple.
Natasha used to criticize me all the time. I was walking on eggshells when I was around her. I started double- and even triple-checking everything just to not set her off. It was dreadful. When I made a mistake, I was internally tensing up to protect myself from her criticism.
Today, I washed a small pillow by accident. I felt a small tension arise as I apologized. She looked at me and said: “Don’t worry, it’ll dry.” It was such a relief to not have to deal with her disapproval. In the past, this would have been a huge deal. Nowadays, it’s barely worth a mention.
A Cherished Wife influences her husband with her divine feminine presence.– Natasha Koo
How To Get Him To Initiate Plans
But how do I get him to do things for me?
You want him to take the initiative. So how do you get him to make the plans you want him to make?
You’ve set the stage for your husband to become a better man – someone who isn’t afraid to take charge in the relationship. Now it’s time to learn to direct his energy.
He Wants to See You Happy
Your husband wants to see you happy. He loves to do things that you appreciate.
Knowing this, you need to learn to communicate what makes you happy. Instead of saying:
You never take me out. You’re always busy. Do you even care about me?!
Honey, I miss going out with you. I saw this great Italian restaurant; I’d love to spend an evening there with you. It’ll be so delicious, and I want to just be with you.
You’re offering him on a silver platter what he can do to make you happy. But you are not demanding it. You’re sharing with enthusiasm what you’d love to do with him.
Your desires are a powerful way of improving your life, relationship, and connection with your husband.
Most women simply don’t know how to use their desires for the benefit of everyone.
We all want our man to show up and be there for us.
At the end of the day, that’s what he wants too. No matter what you’re experiencing in your relationship, your husband does want to be your hero, your knight in shining armor.
But it’s not as simple as him taking initiative and being all that.
Learn to express your appreciation when your husband does what you ask him to do. Be appreciative even when you think that what he did was something that doesn’t really need any praise at all.
By making your man feel appreciated, you offer him an incentive to do things even without you asking.
A marriage is made of the two of you. It’s like a dance where both of you must learn to take every movement under careful consideration of your partner – you invite the other to be their best self every single day. As your partner falls, be ready to reach out and catch him.
I had to learn this first hand in my relationship with Jachym. I became more and more controlling, critical, and judgmental over time. This toxic communication pattern or constant blame not only pushed him away from me. It also made him retreat and not want to take initiative at all.
To let my man step up and take initiative naturally, I had to let go of the control that I thought I had.
It’s more than just letting Jachym lead. It’s about creating a healthy, safe and empowering environment so that our love and his leadership can flourish.
You can be cherished.
Your partner can love you the way that you want.
But you have to stop repeating the same patterns that never worked for you. Which step or tip from this article will you apply today to create the change that you want in your marriage?
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