You got married to love one another, not to get nagged at. But over time, you’ve noticed that your husband nags at you all the time.
‘What have I done to deserve this?’ you think. ‘Is there something wrong with me? Am I just not good enough? How do I stop my husband from nagging me?’
Before you run away with all these doubts and worries in your head, take a deep breath because the answers you’ve been looking for are right here on this blog.
Nagging isn’t something that you need to put up with. At the same time, this isn’t you vs. your husband either. In fact, you can use this problem to create a better understanding between you and your husband.
That’s right, on the other side of this issue is more love and connecting. That might sound impossible or crazy to you now, but we’ve done it and we’ll show you how. Want to know what you can do to get back on track? Keep reading to find out.
Do You Make These Relationship Mistakes?
Get Your FREE Assessment!
- Discover TOXIC communication mistakes that ruin your marriage
- Get 4 SIMPLE steps to understand and fix your relationship
7 Signs of a Nagging Husband?
‘Am I making a big deal out of nothing or is my husband actually nagging at me?’ You might be wondering.
No matter if you’re doubting yourself or your relationship, this article can give you the clarity that you need. You’re in the right place.
It’s normal for communication patterns to change in your relationship. Although it can leave you feeling confused, there’s a way to better understand the dynamics between you and your husband
To answer your big question: Is he nagging or isn’t he nagging? Read on to find out the seven signs of a nagging husband and whether it applies to your relationship.
1. He Keeps Complaining About The Same Things
Nagging by this definition means:
“continually fault finding, complaining, or petulant:”
If you find your husband constantly complaining about the same issues, he’s nagging you. Here’s an example of how it could go:
He: Please dust the bedroom.
He: Why haven’t you dust the bedroom yet, when I already told you once?
She: I was busy with other things.
He: Seriously? How many times do I have to remind you that you have to dust the bedroom?! It’s always the same thing with you.
A simple request from him turns quickly into a complaint where the past is brought up and you’re judged based on your past and current actions.
2. He Gets Increasingly Frustrated That You Aren’t Doing What He Wants
Nagging is often fueled by frustration and anger. When your husband feels like he’s not being heard, he gets frustrated and becomes more forceful with his communication. But you feel put under even more pressure which doesn’t make you more likely to do what he wanted in the first place.
Before you know it, you two are locked in a dysfunctional dance of constant nagging.
3. He’s Never Happy With What You Do
Nagging can get really irritating when your actions are never good enough. You comply with what he wants you to do but he still isn’t happy: the sheets aren’t folded the right way, the money isn’t spent the way he likes it, dinner is too salty… you name it.
If he’s never happy with what you do and let’s you know by blaming you, he has become a nagging husband.
4. He Wants Things Done His Way
Husbands who nag often have a very specific idea about how things should be done. They want to be in control and are dissatisfied if they aren’t. Sometimes being very specific about how he likes things to be done have their merits. But at other times it makes little to no difference.
If you find yourself cornered, thinking about how exactly you should execute what he’d like you to do, he might have nagged you a lot. Your overthinking could be an indication of that.
5. He’s Resentful Towards You
When people don’t get what they want in a relationship, they grow resentful towards the other person.
Because they feel hurt inside and blame that on their partner. If you’ve reached this stage, nagging becomes a passive-aggressive stab at you. It’s neither pleasant nor healthy and we advise you to seek help.
We know how much it can hurt to be in a relationship like this. We have been through it ourselves. The negativity weighs you down as more and more destructive behaviors enter the relationship.
That’s why we’ve created The Cherished Wife Program where we teach women how they can regain the love and passion in their relationship. It really doesn’t have to continue this way. When you heal, re-establish trust and connection, there’s more than just hope to really turn things around. You can actually create the marriage of your dreams with the blueprint that we have.
6. You Feel Like He’s Behaving Like Your Parent
You’ve been told by your mom or dad to clean up after yourself. Guess what happens when your husband does it too? Both of you enter a parent-daughter relationship. That’s quite unhealthy because you stop being adults around each other. Instead, you start to have a power imbalance in the relationship that’s skewed towards him.
Having this kind of relationship can be a sign of nagging. If you’re two mature adults, you don’t need to nag.
An Exceptional Relationship isn’t built on the foundation of nagging and bickering. Instead, it has its roots in love and compassion.
– Jachym Jerie
You always have the choice to turn your marriage around and choose healthier communication styles. But first you have to see through the current drama and patterns that keep repeating. That’s one of the key steps in The Cherished Wife Program, making it one of the most powerful ways to transform not only your relationship but your life.
7. Intimacy Has Gone Out the Window
Neither nagging nor being nagged at is pleasant. The person nagging doesn’t feel respected, understood, and heard. The one being nagged at feels pressured, patronized, and irritated. Do these qualities sound conducive to intimacy?
Emotional and sexual intimacy often goes out of the window as nagging takes its hold.
Are you finding yourself in a marriage that has less intimacy than before? Then it might be a sign that nagging is taking place. But be aware that there might be different issues at play as well.
The seven signs we’ve outlined above could also have other causes than nagging. But they often appear because of nagging.
The most important thing is that you take a good look at your marriage. If you identify any of the seven signs, don’t just put up with it. Take action today to turn things around for the better.
How do you do that?
Apply here for The Cherished Wife Program. We’ll walk you through how you can restore intimacy in your marriage. Get clear, actional and effective steps for how you can get rid of these negative communication patterns and replace them with empowering ones.
I used to spend years nagging at Jachym. It brought bitterness into our relationship. Eventually, our communication began to break down and even our love was eroding away. Don’t make the same mistakes that we did. You can stop hurting each other today.
We’ve been in your exact position, but we’ve found a way back to a loving, nourishing relationship that’s both healthy and long-lasting. You’re not crazy for wanting things to be better. You’re not crazy for wanting the beautiful love back again.
It is possible.
Instead of feeling your husband drift away from you, you can feel him pursue you again. Instead of walking away from hurtful exchanges, feel truly loved and appreciated by him. That’s the magic of The Cherished Wife Program. We only have a limited amount of spots. If you don’t want to miss out on this life-changing experience, reserve your spot now.
Why’s Your Husband Constantly Nagging
Now that we know the signs of a nagging husband, let’s look at the psychological reasons for nagging.
He Hasn’t Learned a Better Way of Communication
Nagging at its core is a dysfunctional way of communicating. Instead of seeking to find a mutual resolution, nagging simply repeats the same request with more force and frustration. It’s like trying to move a donkey by pushing against it harder. It won’t work.
Your husband might not have had the best role models for how to lead a healthy relationship. He probably has witnessed nagging happening with his parents and has adapted this style of communicating unconsciously.
He Gets His Way Sometimes
Nagging is a habit with diminishing returns. The more you do it, the less it works. But here’s the thing: it sometimes does work. Which means that your husband has learned that if he applies enough nagging, he’ll eventually see some result. This ‘positive’ reinforcement, simply validates the behavior.
He Doesn’t Feel Appreciated
We all have our unique ways of receiving and expressing love. Your husband might feel not loved by you because his love language is different to yours. Because he doesn’t feel loved, his request turns into nagging.
Because he desperately wants to feel loved. It’s his clumsy way of communicating that what he’s asking from you is truly important to him. If your husband doesn’t feel appreciated, it can also go the other way and he starts ignoring you.
He Feels Insecure And Compensates By Trying to Control
Nagging can have its roots in trying to exert excessive control over your immediate environment. But why would we want this kind of control?
There’s a very unhappy and dissatisfied wife we know who has a strong habit of nagging her husband and family to do things her way. Whenever someone acts in a way that isn’t necessarily her way, she will complain or nag until those around her change.
This is a recipe for disaster. One, her loved ones are told again and again that the only way there will be peace at home is to listen to her. Two, she is suffering whenever her external environment isn’t how she likes it.
If this is such a losing game, why would anyone keep their insecurities and compensate for it via control? This is the answer:
Whenever we feel threatened or scared, some react to this discomfort by pushing back and trying to exert more control. But this ultimately hurts and diminishes those around us. The healthy way to address this disempowering cycle is to actually face the insecurities and find out what makes it feel so uncomfortable in the first place.
In most cases, you’ll realize that the internal turmoil is being projected onto the outside. The loved ones along with you are the ones getting hurt because there’s a deeper pain point within your heart.
He Has Different Expectations
When entering a relationship, you bring a lot of unspoken expectations into it. You have beliefs about:
- How your spouse should behave.
- What it means to be a couple.
- What loving and non-loving actions are.
- How the space you live in should be.
These expectations rarely get discussed. Instead, they bubble up at the most inconvenient and emotional moments. Your husband might have a completely different understanding about all these things. The mismatch of expectations is shown by him constantly nagging you.
You don’t have to be in a relationship where you have these mismatched expectations. In The Cherished Wife Program we show you how you can realign your relationship so that you both feel:
Instead of bringing each other down, you truly become a team that lifts each other up. You don’t have to ask for your husband’s love and attention anymore because he’ll give it to you freely and willingly. Take the leap now, and apply to secure your spot.
Now that you have a better insight into why your husband might be nagging, let’s look at how you can change it.
What Do You Do With a Nagging Husband?
To create an Exceptional Relationship it takes an exceptional commitment.- Natasha and Jachym Jerie
You probably have tried various approaches to stop the nagging. Your effort might include:
- Ignoring him.
- Telling him to stop nagging you.
- Fighting with him.
- Doing what he asked you to only to find out that it’s not good enough.
These approaches don’t work the way that you hoped. Is there a better way to address this issue? There absolutely is. Read on to find out more.
How to Cope With a Nagging Husband
You might be at a point where you feel the only way to survive the nagging of your husband is to put up with it. You can’t change him, so you might just find out how you can live with it. We’re here to tell you that you don’t have to cope with a nagging husband.
Don’t Cope – Thrive!
What’s wrong with coping? Nothing, as long as it’s a short-term solution. Coping prevents you from creating an Exceptional Relationship. It makes you put up with behaviors you don’t want to have in your relationship.
Coping doesn’t allow you and your husband to grow with each other. Instead, it makes you stagnate. You’re basically saying: I hate nagging and I’m unhappy but I’ll just stay and cope with my nagging husband.
Don’t do it!
Hold yourself, your relationship, and your husband to higher standards! You deserve better. You won’t create the relationship of your dreams by accepting what’s not right. If you want to thrive in your relationship, you need to see that this issue is simply an opportunity for growth.
To achieve this, you need to know the three attitudes that’ll help to put nagging to an end.
The 3 Keys to Stop Nagging in Its Tracks
You won’t ever win a game of power when you’re looking for love.- Jachym Jerie
If you don’t recognize the negative pattern of nagging and how you are responding to it, you won’t be able to change it. Yes, it’s your husband who’s nagging, but it’s you who’s reacting to it. Most likely your reaction isn’t based in love, understanding, and compassion. That’s where you have to start.
We get it. Getting perspective and recognizing what’s really going on can be tough on your own. That’s why reaching out for professional help can make this process that much easier.
2. Take Ownership
If you blame your husband for what he’s doing, you’re giving away your power to him. If you’re stuck with the belief that only things can get better when he changes, then you’re forever dependent on him. It’s this kind of attitude that keeps you stuck. Take ownership of your feelings, your reactions, and your relationship.
3. Come Back to Love
The antidote to any negative behavioral pattern is love.
Because the negative patterns aren’t rooted in love. They’re rooted in insecurities and fears. When you come back to love, you get to transform these patterns and replace them with ones that are uplifting and empowering.
Just as a quick aside: love isn’t weak nor does love tolerate destructive behavior. If you believe you’re loving, but you’re finding yourself in a dysfunctional relationship, you need to reassess what you believe love is.
You either nurture your fears and insecurities or love. Which one do you choose?- Natasha and Jachym Jerie
Do you see how we’re shifting the entire paradigm on which the problem is based on? We’re not just tweaking a little something that’s bothering you. We’re dealing with the real issue so that you can be truly satisfied and happy with your husband.
In The Cherished Wife Program we take it even further. We help you to make this fundamental shift from fear to love. We give you all the tools that you need to rewire your brain so that you’re aligning yourself to love.
You have the power to transform your relationship and your life. Make a difference in your marriage today!
How to Deal With a Nagging Husband
Once you’ve implemented the three keys we’ve mentioned above, you can then move on to the next step. Without the three keys, you’ll have a much harder time stopping your husband from nagging you.
What’s Your Husband Trying to Communicate With His Nagging?
Remember: your husband isn’t enjoying the nagging. He’s trying to communicate with you. The way he goes about it isn’t productive, but it’s still an attempt. Rather than brushing him off like an annoying fly, pause and reflect on what he might be trying to say.
Listen beyond the words and see if you can spot what’s truly going on. To do so we invite you to make peace with yourself first.
As we discuss in The Cherished Wife Program, you can’t make peace in your home if you’re not at peace with yourself. Your husband’s behavior is stirring some things up in you. It’s time that you take a look at it rather than blaming your reaction on him.
When you find the peace within you, you’re then in the right place to take the next step.
Get Off the Me-Trip And Become a We!
A couple becomes synergetic when they make the transition from being independent to being interdependent. – Jachym Jerie
Power struggles in a relationship a rooted in one fundamental misunderstanding: ‘me vs. you’. If you believe that, you’ll struggle forever in your marriage.
Because you have totally misunderstood what a relationship is about. It’s not about you. It’s about ‘us’. You and your husband form a new unit. If you don’t honor that, you’re missing the point of being in a relationship and missing out how the incredible power it has to enrich your life.
When you see your husband as an annoying fly who nags you the whole time, you’ve lost sight that you and your husband have to work together. Rather than trying to justify yourself or blame your husband, why don’t you take a different approach?
Turn towards him and deeply feel what’s happening inside of your man. Only your own ignorance prevents you from truly loving your husband through his own distress.
That’s why we say that peace within you is essential in dealing with uncomfortable situations in your relationship. Things can get tough. But as long as you are grounded and can face the turbulence with a stable and peaceful mind, then you can resolve any conflict in your relationship successfully.
Communicate Your Boundaries
Nagging goes rampant in a relationship when people don’t communicate their boundaries. There’s no need for you to accept his way of communicating. But you don’t need to be harsh about it. In reality, a soft and vulnerable approach will work much better:
Honey, I’ve noticed that you’re quite forceful about me doing the dishes on time and in the way that you’d like it. When you talk to me like that, I feel hurt because I don’t feel like I’m good enough. I know you might not mean it this way, but I have a really hard time here.
Could we sit together and find a solution to this? I really need your help.
Why does it work?
- You’re not blaming him.
- You’re asking for his help.
- You’re letting him know how you really feel in a non-threatening way.
- You’re not putting it on him by saying ‘you might not mean it this way,..’’
It’s vital that you cut out any bickering, blaming, and attacking from your communication. You want to create a loving environment where both of you feel safe to be with each other.
Just like any communication style, nagging can creep up slowly in your relationship until it feels like it’s too late. But with what we’ve shared in this article, you now have a foundational understanding of why your husband might be nagging you and the three keys to stop nagging in your relationship.
Like any issue within your marriage, you can become a team when a conflict arises. Open the conversation in a non-threatening way and be vulnerable. Let this be the opportunity to be honest with each other and set a new standard of respect, kindness and understanding between you and your husband.
If you have any more questions about this topic, we have a handy FAQ section below where we answer the most frequently asked questions. Take note of what has deeply resonated with you and do one thing today to bring the love, intimacy and connection back into your marriage.
FAQ – What Should I Do?
The FAQ section is here to look at more specific examples of nagging. But please be aware that we don’t know your own circumstances. You’re better off implementing the fundamental principles we’ve outlined above than following too specific instructions. But we decided to include it in case these scenarios apply to you.
My Husband’s Always Nagging Me About Money
Money has no inherent value or meaning. You give it meaning and so does your husband. If he’s nagging about money, you probably have a difference of values. For example, he sees money as safety, while you see it as an enabler for fun.
Because he sees it as a tool for safety, he’ll want to save. But you want to spend it because you see it as a tool that allows you to have fun and express yourself. If you keep fighting about money, you need to find out what it means to both of you.
Also, a lot of money issues can be resolved if both of you create a separate account where you budget an equal amount of money that’s free to be spent however you’d like. In the joint account, you’ll do all the paying of the bills and putting some away for saving.
My Husband’s Nagging Me Because My Mom Moved-In
We can’t tell you why he’s nagging you. But we are quite sure that your husband might have a hard time with your mom being in the house. Family can be a hot topic for couples. Take your time and be open to hear his struggle with it.
Remember, it’s a ‘we’ not a ‘you vs. him’. Your mom moving-in needs to be a joint decision and not be forced by you. You can only listen to him when you don’t defend your position. Be open to find a way that respects both of your desires.
My Husband’s Nagging Me for Sex
You don’t owe your husband sex. It’s your body. But your husband’s love language could be physical touch. In which case, sex becomes an expression of love for him. Does it mean you have to have sex with him? No. But you can choose to have it out of love, not out of pressure.
The other possibility is that your husband is addicted to sex. He’s nagging you for sex because of that addiction. If you give into his nagging, you’re simply fueling his addiction. This won’t be pleasant but you can do it as long as you orient yourself towards love.
You’re not rejecting him, you’re rejecting his addiction. If you feel that he might have an addiction, it’s a good idea to seek professional help and also to encourage him to seek it.
My Husband Keeps Nagging Me to Quit Smoking
As with any other case, put your reservations aside and listen to him. Can you see where he’s coming from? In the end, it’s up to you whether you want to change or not. This is something you need to communicate this to him.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you lose yourself in the relationship. Far from it. You bring your whole authentic self into the relationship and you embrace the friction that might come from it. That’s how the marriage can grow and encompass both of you without anyone having to twist themselves.
My Husband’s Nagging Me About My Habits
Just like with the smoking example: hear him out and be clear with your boundaries. Take a step back and ask yourself: what would I do if I give up my self-centered position and start thinking of ‘us’ as a new being?
You still might not agree with your husband and that’s good. But you also might find that what he says has its merit and you do want to change. Either way, you have to be honest with your husband and let this conflict be an opportunity for growth and change.
Discover 3 DANGEROUS Mistakes Couples Make
Receive a FREE assessment to identify your relationship mistakes & how to avoid them.