Is a marriage without love doomed?
That’s what women ask themselves when their husband tells them that he doesn’t love them anymore. It sounds like a death sentence to the marriage.
Your world comes crashing down on you and you don’t know what to do about it.
So you’re left wondering ‘how to save my marriage when my husband doesn’t love me anymore?’
That’s exactly what we’re going to look at in this article. Stay tuned to find out how there’s still hope even if it all seems lost.
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Why Did My Husband Stop Loving Me?
Celine’s stomach turned into a knot.
Her husband just told her that he doesn’t love her anymore.
Her mind is spinning and her heart is racing. She’s thinking:
‘What has happened?
‘Why did my husband stop loving me?’
‘Can I make my husband love me again?’
‘How come my husband has fallen out of love with me?’
‘Is he seeing someone else?’
‘How long has he not been in love with me?’
You might find yourself in a similar situation. And you’re probably wondering the same thing. I mean, why do husbands really fall out of love with their wives? And is there something you can do about it?
Yes, there is, and we’ll cover that later.
But for now, let’s look at why your husband might have stopped loving you.
1. Negative Communication Patterns
The way we communicate gives away more information than what we’re communicating.- Jachym Jerie
We’ve all seen it:
- The nagging wife
- Condescending comments
- People playing the blame game
These patterns seem ‘normal’, especially with couples who have been together for a long time. But here’s the thing:
They’re really unhealthy. They’ve the power to destroy your marriage.
Because they are based in fear. They put your husband down and build a very negative association towards being with you.
So if you find that you’re using:
- Being condescending
Then you need to rethink how you are communicating with your husband. We recommend that you establish a culture of gratitude and appreciation instead.
2. You Changed Since You Got Married
We all change.
Our preferences shift as we get older. Our way of looking at life changes, which then in turn impacts how we behave. That’s why relationships are challenging. You’re not dealing with two fixed entities. You and your partner are constantly evolving and need to keep up with that.
If you don’t, you might find yourself 10 to 20 years later waking up and realizing you don’t know the person next to you.
It takes time and attention to keep discovering your spouse. If you and your husband haven’t put in the effort, he might have fallen out of love simply because he hasn’t kept up to date with you. He now realizes that where you are now, and where you used to be, are so far apart that it’s not feasible anymore.
It’s not only that you have changed, he might have changed too. Which makes the whole thing even more complicated.
3. You Didn’t Meet His Needs
Unmet needs will eventually turn into hurt.- Natasha Koo
A relationship is about enriching each other’s lives.
It simply feels amazing to see your spouse thrive. If your husband feels that you haven’t been meeting his needs, he’ll be disappointed and hurt. That’s not a problem if you’re able to address it together. But if your husband has not been able to resolve it with you, he’ll distance himself from you.
In his mind, the relationship isn’t worth it. He’s experiencing disappointment and hurt. So he starts looking elsewhere to find his fulfillment which most likely won’t be including you.
He now has associated you with discomfort, which then leads to your husband not loving you anymore.
4. You Made Other Things a Priority Over Him
We’re all busy.
Which is why we need to carve time out for our relationship. If you don’t, you’re going to see it wither away. Your husband needs to know that he’s important to you. He wants to feel that you desire him and want to be with him.
He can’t feel that desire if you’re busy doing all kinds of other things and seem to be not affected by the lack of quality time. Again, this will lead to hurt and if it’s unaddressed, will lead to disconnection. But love needs connection. Without it, it’ll stop flowing.
5. You Became Controlling
There’s nothing quite as bad as trying to control your husband.
Because he thrives on respect. So if he feels that you don’t trust him to do certain things, he’ll see it as a sign of distrust and lack of respect for him as a man. You don’t see him as someone who’s strong and capable, but as someone you need to step in for.
But here’s the thing: Men need respect. It’s like oxygen to them. If you don’t give him the respect he desires, he’ll start to resent you and eventually fall out of love with you. Or worse, find someone else who does appreciate him as a man.
So check in with yourself if you’ve been micromanaging your man or whether you’ve let him be your hero. Which brings us to the next point:
6. You Stopped Being His Lover and Became His Mother
In order for your husband to feel attraction towards you, you have to be in your feminine essence.
He has to feel that you let yourself go in his presence and that you are fully open towards him. That, in turn, evokes his masculine strength, which then creates attraction.
But what we see in many relationships is that the woman treats their husband more like a child. You’re busy trying to ‘make him better’ or ‘look out for him’ all with good intentions, just to find that you’re actually harming the relationship rather than nourishing it.
Being like a mother to your husband makes him retreat into his boy-mode. Which then confirms your actions because he obviously can’t take care of himself. You see the problem in your husband rather than seeing how you yourself are evoking this kind of behavior in your man.
A relationship that doesn’t nourish your man’s masculine essence will ultimately lead to dissatisfaction and disappointment. He’ll look for the feminine energy in other places than in you.
Your husband wants to be your hero. Are you willing to let go?- Natasha and Jachym Jerie
Now that we’ve covered why your husband might not love you anymore, let’s look at another scenario.
My Husband Doesn’t Love Me Anymore and Wants a Divorce
If your husband is already discussing divorce with you, you have to move fast. We encourage you to apply here to have a call with us as soon as possible. You don’t want your marriage to go over the cliff.
Just because your husband wants a divorce doesn’t mean everything is lost. Even if he feels like he doesn’t love you right now. As we’ve outlined above, there are many factors that can contribute to him falling out of love with you.
But there’s hope. You can turn things around if you’re willing to put in the work. You just have to be clear that you’re going to stop all the destructive habits that have found their way into the relationship and that you’re going to change for good.
Here’s the thing: If you don’t fix these behaviors now, there’s a chance that they’re going to show up again in the next relationship. Sometimes we don’t have a good relationship blueprint and think that our behavior is ‘normal.’ Unfortunately what’s considered normal nowadays is often quite unhealthy.
So what can you do?
What Do You Do When Your Husband Says He’s Not in Love With You Anymore?
The most important thing for you is to give yourself space to process your reactions. Don’t try to suppress your feelings. Rather, you want to show them and express them. You can do some of that by yourself but we do recommend that you how your husband how this is impacting you.
Now, you have a decision to make: do you want to put in the work and see if you can save this marriage? If not, you’re best served to end it. But if you do want to give it your all, here’s what you can do.
1. Listen to Your Husband Without Being Defensive
Something has led to your husband not loving you anymore. You want to know what it is. This might be difficult because you may feel:
- Like you want to correct him
But you don’t want to engage with any of that. Instead, you want to remain open and really listen to him. Repeat to him what he said and ask him if you got it. Then ask: ‘Is there more?’
Do this until he has said it all. Then tell him: ‘I get it.’
Here’s an example of what you might reply to him on top of that:
“I get it. You feel that I have been telling you what to do. That I’ve been criticizing you all the time and giving you very little love and attention. Of course you’d feel no love towards me.”
Now see what this does for him when you actually fully acknowledge what’s going on for him without correcting him.
Unaddressed hurt creates disconnection.- Jachym Jerie
2. Own Your Shortcomings
You don’t have to do this immediately. You may want some time to process what he said and see where you’ve really let him down. Then, own these shortcomings. Let him know that you’re sorry for it. Here’s how this can look like:
Honey, I’ve had some time to reflect on what you said and you’re right. I have not given you the love and attention you deserve. I’ve placed other things above our relationship and I am sorry that I’ve hurt you with it.
Now, most likely there are things your husband said that you disagree with. In this case, there are three things to keep in mind:
- He’s describing to you his reality. For him, it’s real. For you, it isn’t.
- You’re hearing your own interpretation of what he’s saying.
- There will be areas you disagree with and you need to find a way to handle this conflict in a productive way.
3. Ask Him If He’s Willing to Give It Another Try
Now that you’ve owned your shortcomings, it’s time to see if he’s willing to give it another try before filing for divorce. You’re much more likely to get a yes from him when you’ve done the previous steps. If you haven’t, he’ll most likely say no.
Because he won’t feel heard and understood. But when he does feel like you get him, there’s a chance he’ll be hopeful that things really can change.
Here’s an example:
Look, I get that we’ve drifted apart and that you don’t feel the same way about me anymore. I understand that you must feel really hurt and disappointed by how our relationship has unfolded. But I don’t want to give up. I want to give it our all.
I know where I’ve gone wrong and I am committed to making changes to my behavior. You’ve really opened my eyes and I’m very grateful for that. Are you willing to hold off on the divorce and give this another shot?
When you truly commit to change, miracles can happen.- Natasha and Jachym Jerie
Please be aware that you have just made a huge commitment. You can’t keep slipping and redo some of the old mistakes you’ve made. You need to truly mean these words, otherwise it won’t work.
If you’re not sure you can do this, please reach out to us. We can help you!
Now, for most women who think ‘My husband has fallen out of love with me, what can I do?’, there’s one question that keeps popping up:
Can I Make My Husband Love Me Again?
You can’t make anyone do anything. You can’t magically reach into your husband’s heart and reignite the flame. What you can do is become the woman he truly desires. But that doesn’t mean you have to compromise your integrity and do things that you don’t want to do.
If anything, compromising your integrity will backfire even more in the future. No, what you really need to do is reorient your relationship to the fundamental dynamics that are present between the masculine and feminine.
You see, your man most likely wants to be with a feminine woman. And most women are trying to not be feminine. They’re taught that they need to be masculine. So they acquired a masculine shell around them, and all the while they’re starving inside because they can’t get their man to truly cherish them.
What you really need to do is to drop that shell you built around your heart and show your man your vulnerabilities. Show him that you need his strength when you relax into your feminine.
This kind of openness is intoxicating for a man. It really is irresistible.
Are you serious about saving your marriage? Are you willing to put in the work?
Then head over here now to book a call with us. You do not have to stay in a marriage that’s loveless. You do not have to compromise your integrity to be loved, cherished, desired, and respected.
You can stay in your truth and be the best wife your man could ever wish for. And we can help you with that.
Here are some of the common questions we get:
Should I Stay With a Husband Who Doesn’t Love Me?
As we’ve pointed out above, you can turn things around. If you have given it your all and it’s still a lost case, you need to sit down and ask yourself some questions:
- Do I want to live a life where I’m in a relationship that has no love?
- If I knew that around the corner I could find someone who truly loves me for who I am, would I still want to stay with my husband?
Be honest with yourself. If you decide to stay with your husband, you’ve made a conscious decision and your husband will not be responsible for it. Take ownership of your life and you’ll find your answer.
How Do I Live With My Husband Without Love?
You don’t have to live with a husband without love. You can have all the love you desire. But you can’t have that and keep doing the same things you have been doing. It requires an effort on your part to truly become a different wife to your husband than you used to be.
Not a wife that pretends, but a wife who’s true to herself and at the same time totally magnetic and irresistible to her husband. If you want to know how you can be that? Click here now.
My Husband Doesn’t Love Me Anymore but Won’t Leave
Looks like you aren’t leaving either. Again, you need to make a decision. Are you going to compromise what you truly desire for a life that doesn’t feel right to you? Or are you going to create the life of your dreams with a partner who actually appreciates and loves you?
You can have it. But you won’t as long as you stay indecisive.
Husband Doesn’t Love Me but Wants to Stay Together
And what do you want?
Do you want to stay in a relationship like this? Or do you want to create the change that will bring back the love and passion? If you’re ready to make the changes necessary, we’ll help you. If you aren’t, then you can stay with your husband and leave things as they are.
You’re not the first couple who lives together but doesn’t have a life together. There’s nothing wrong with it as long as you respect your truth. If you’re deceiving yourself, you might wake up one day and regret the decision you made to not go after what you really wanted.
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