When you first met, things were different.
You felt special and it didn’t take much for your husband to treat you like a queen.
But all those sweet little gestures have disappeared. Sometimes you wonder if you’re asking for too much. Is it bad to have a higher standard for how he treats you? What should you do if you want him to treat you better?
In this article, we’ll answer all these questions and more. Find out the reasons why things have changed and how to make your husband treat you like a queen today. Ready to have some profound improvements in your marriage? Let’s get started.
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Why Does My Husband Treat Me Badly?
You just don’t get it.
How come he’s so mean and disrespectful? What’s going on?
Your mind is spinning and you want answers. Here’s the truth: there aren’t easy answers to that question. Below you’ll find a mix of explanations that will look at him but they’ll look also at you.
As soon as you take ownership of the relationship you can start changing it. It’s the key to feel like he’s treating you like a queen. But don’t confuse ownership with blame. All that blame really accomplishes is to put you into a mode of helplessness. We don’t want you there, we want you to embrace your creative power.
The answers below may give your mind some solace. However, to truly make your husband treat you like a queen you need to go into your emotions. More on that later.
To create an Exceptional Relationship you need an exceptional commitment.- Natasha & Jachym Jerie
He Had Bad Role Models
While growing up, we absorb an enormous amount of information from our surroundings. We learn how to treat others, how to address conflict, social norms and a lot more. If your husband grew up in a household where violence was a daily occurrence, he could be acting it out.
But there are also examples of people who experience the same and they consciously decide to never let this happen in their home. How come one relives the past and the other uses it to create a different future?
The difference is consciousness. No matter our past, we always can create a new future.
He’s Disconnected From His Emotions
We can only treat people badly when we don’t feel deeply what our actions do to the other person. Many men suppress their emotions and therefore don’t feel how their actions impact their women. In turn, the women then ask themselves: how can I get my husband to treat me better?
But because he’s suppressed his emotions, he’s reliving past hurt again and again. The only way forward is to stop using our minds to solve the issues of the heart. In our coaching program The Cherished Wife, we show you how you can transform your man. We take you by your hand and give you the skills that are necessary to change the dynamic in your relationship for good.
Gone will be the days of begging for attention, love, care, and affection. Instead, your husband will love to spend time with you and he will be the strong man that you once fell in love with. Apply here to save your spot now.
He’s Abusive and Narcissistic
Yes, there are certain personality structures that tend to be more violent and abusive. One of them is a narcissist. These people tend to have a very fragile self-image and often feel threatened. Because they can’t admit to themselves their own fragility, they overcompensate and blame the other person.
It’s rather challenging for someone who’s a narcissist and also for someone who lives with one. If you find yourself living with a narcissist, not all hope is lost. However, we do recommend that you seek professional help immediately.
You want to make sure that you are secure in yourself so that you don’t get thrown off balance with some of the dynamics that happen with a narcissist.
He’s Deeply Insecure
We all have them.
You don’t have to be a narcissist to have them. The issues with our insecurities is that they often make us act irrational. We get hurt and upset very quickly. We blame the other person for how we feel. We attack because we don’t want the other person to realize that we have a flaw.
Some people are scared of love, and they push the other person away if they get too close (avoidant attachment style). I used to be one because I lost my father when I was 6 years old. I only was able to change my way of relating when I properly integrated this event.
Now that we’ve looked at him, let’s look at you.
You Aren’t Living Your Boundaries
Boundaries is a word that often gets thrown around. We believe it’s deeply misunderstood. Most people think that you just have to make up your boundaries and then communicate them.
You don’t make them up, you feel them. You need to be deeply in touch with your emotions to discover your boundaries. When you do, you want to live these boundaries and not just communicate them. What does this mean? It means that you embody them. Communication is just one small piece of the puzzle.
What do these boundaries have to do with how your husband treats you?
The clearer you are with your boundaries, the less you accept behavior that crosses them. With your boundaries in place you’re much closer to be treated like a queen rather than a doormat. After all, when you first met your husband, he didn’t treat you so badly. This happened over time. So you are partly responsible for what’s happened in the relationship.
This is good news, because it means that you can change things. We help women like you with that in our flagship coaching program The Cherished Wife. In it you discover how you can create your dream-come-true relationship even if you’ve lost hope.
We guide you through the vital skills that you need to turn your relationship around and start reviving the love, connection, and intimacy you once had. You won’t recognize your relationship once you join. Sounds interesting? Apply here to save your spot now.
A Cherished Wife embraces herself fully.- Natasha Koo
Why Does He Treat Me Badly If He Loves Me?
This is one question that many women ask themselves. If you truly love someone, you wouldn’t treat them badly, right?
Yes and no.
His Version of Love Is Perverted
Love doesn’t abuse people. Our twisted ideas of what love is, do. When your husband says he loves you but then he keeps hurting you, he doesn’t know what love truly is. No, love doesn’t hurt, our attachments do.
Love also doesn’t know roles. But we play husband and wife. That’s a game we play but it has nothing to do with love. Love just is.
Your Version of Love Is Perverted
So many women believe that they’re loving their husbands unconditionally if they let them do whatever they please. Wake up! That’s not love. That’s self-destruction. Love can be fierce! Love can say no. Love can walk away from a situation.
Love doesn’t mean you become a doormat. That has nothing to do with love, but with an idea about love. Just like your husband, you’ve twisted love into something it’s not. When you don’t realize that your ideas are the problem, you try to fix a problem that wouldn’t exist if you would step out of the darkness and into the light.
It’s in this place that your mind thinks: how can I get my husband to treat me better? Once you come back to love, this question resolves itself.
He’s Hurting You Out of His Own Pain
Your husband is treating you badly because of his own pain. He lives in darkness and it’s from that place that he’s relating to you. That dark place isn’t love. It’s his pain. Because he’s in darkness, he’s living it out.
The only salvation for your relationship is consciousness. You have to wake up from the darkness and shine light into it. The more aware you become of the patterns that you play out together, the less they have power over you.
Right now you’re hypnotized. You need to wake up. Otherwise you won’t discover how you can make your man treat you like a queen.
Let’s look at the opposite end at how love really could be.
How Should My Husband Treat Me?
The question is wrong.
Because you’re looking at ideas from other people. By doing that, you don’t listen to yourself. You’ll only become a Cherished Wife when you stop trying to create what other people tell you to and start embracing what you want. After all, what you like, others might not, and vice versa.
If you want your husband to treat you better ask yourself this:
How do I want to be treated by my husband?
An Exceptional Relationship is only exceptional when it embraces your standards. You don’t want a ‘normal’ relationship. Normal sucks. For many couples ‘normal’ means to have bickering, nagging, complaining etc. in their relationship. I guarantee you that you can have a relationship without that. You can have one where your husband treats you like a queen.
In our The Cherished Wife Program we help you create your vision for your relationship. You no longer will be looking for reassurance from other people who don’t even have a great relationship with themselves. Instead, you’ll feel energized and deeply connected to what you truly want.
When you put the focus on that, you’ll automatically start creating this kind of relationship in your life. Want your relationship change for the better forever? Apply here.
Common Traits of an Exceptional Relationship
People want to know whether something is ‘normal.’ We want you to define your own normal.- Jachym Jerie
Let’s give you an idea of what’s possible in a relationship where your man treats you like a queen:
You don’t have to beg for it; he simply respects you for the powerful and amazing woman you are. After all, when he sees you as his queen he will treat you like one. You won’t have to figure out ‘how to make my husband treat me better?’ anymore.
Love is the fuel for any relationship. That’s why we don’t embrace nagging and the other negative patterns. These are simply based in fear and not in love. When we allow fear into our relationship, we slowly let it wilt away. But when we connect to love, your husband effortlessly treats you better.
When fear leaves the relationship and is replaced with love, appreciation will be a daily occurrence. Your man will simply feel like he’s the luckiest man alive to have such an amazing woman like you in his life.
And you will feel like the luckiest woman on this planet to have such an amazing man. That’s what’s possible when you stop listening to your fears!
Your man will be affectionate because he adores you and can’t get enough of you. It’s a natural way of expressing love. Again, that’s what’s possible when you stop orienting yourself to the ‘norm’ or ‘shoulds’. Your man will naturally treat you like a queen because he’s inspired to do so.
Your man wants to step up. He wants to be there for you and see you happy. In The Cherished Wife Program, we show you how you can draw these qualities out of your man naturally without being manipulative.
Your man is designed to want to be your hero, you just have to know how to activate that instinct. We’ll show you how.
Do you feel how all these qualities excite you? They are good. They feel wholesome. Why is that?
Because you instinctively know that this is a healthy relationship. When you read these qualities, you don’t ask yourself how your husband should treat you, you know that this is how you want to be treated and we’re sure there are more that you have come up with yourself.
So how do you get there?
How to Make Your Husband Treat You Better (No Manipulation Needed)
You have a superpower.
And it’ll make your husband want to treat you better. Want to know it? Read on.
Clean Up Any Limiting Beliefs
Are you good enough?
Are you lovable?
Are you deserving of an amazing man?
When you deeply feel those questions, you might discover that you feel uncomfortable with some of them. This can be an indication that you have a limiting belief. What is that? It’s basically a thought that looks to you like truth on a subconscious level.
These beliefs are sneaky because they shape how we perceive the world and how we carry ourselves in it. That in turn changes the results you’ll see in your life. If you don’t see yourself as ‘good enough’, you’ll keep experiencing situations that show you that you’re not good enough. You’re basically stuck trying to figure out how to make your husband treat you better. But you can’t figure it out because you don’t believe you’re good enough.
It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But because this is so powerful, you can turn it around. Instead of not being good enough. You are good enough and you can create the same fulfilling prophecy that will show you just that.
In our Cherished Wife Program we show you how you can uncover and change these limiting beliefs. They are part of our mindset training that will change your entire outlook on yourself, your man, and your relationship.
We can’t serve love if we protect our fears.– Natasha & Jachym Jerie
Feel Your Boundaries
You won’t know how to make your husband treat you like a queen as long as you’re not clear with your boundaries. They are necessary because they change how you behave and carry yourself in the relationship.
As we’ve mentioned before: you don’t make these up, nor do you just communicate them. You discover your boundaries and you embody them. Within the embodiment, communication happens naturally.
That’s why we focus on helping you embrace your inner queen in our flagship coaching program. It’s through embracing this that your husband treats you better.
How to Make Him Treat You Like a Queen
Being treated well is good.
Being treated like a queen is better.
But how do you get there? We’ll unravel just that:
Treat Him Like A King
You’re most likely stuck in a cycle of hurting each other. Things just aren’t working out. You’ve probably tried all kinds of ways to change things. Here’s how you can break out of the cycle.
The way you treat your man has a huge impact on how he treats you. You may not even realize that you’re not treating him like a king, which is why we encourage you to pay attention to your interactions.
Make sure that you see when you’re:
- Trying to change him
- Trying to make him ‘better’ for his own sake
- Challenging him
- Criticizing him
- Blaming him
- Nagging him
- Shaming him
- Putting him down
- Using belittling comments
- Seeing him as useless
- Trying to control him
Would you do any of this to a king? Nope. You would treat him with dignity, respect, and love.
Respect is important to men. We have evolved in social structures and having a certain status in society often brings benefits. How is social status expressed? Respect.
By respecting your man, you’re showing him that he matters. You’re respecting his strength and his capabilities as a man. When you’re trying to control him, you’re basically saying that he’s not capable enough to take care of the situation himself.
You needed to step in to solve it for him. But by doing so, you have changed the dynamic in the relationship and you’ve stopped respecting him. Start to let go. It can be scary, I know.
To let go means to let your fears go. The desire to control is really based in fear. When you don’t buy into your fears, you don’t need to control your husband anymore and you get to create together.
That’s when your man starts treating you better naturally. Before you know it, he’ll treat you like a queen.
To change your relationship, change yourself.- Jachym Jerie
Remember, I mentioned a superpower?
This is it.
Your ability to be vulnerable and showing your soft underbelly is what will bring out the best in your husband. When we’re vulnerable, we are dropping any masks. We show ourselves as we are, and that inspires compassion and strength in your husband.
Vulnerability goes beyond just saying how you feel; it’s stepping into the parts that you’ve abandoned along the way. It means to realize that you need your husband, besides your capabilities as a strong woman.
When you become vulnerable, you let yourself go and allow your husband to catch you. By being vulnerable, you let your heart soften and let your desires to come forward. There’s nothing more enticing for a man than a woman who’s so deeply in touch with herself.
It’s from this place that your desire becomes your husband’s wish. That’s when he really will treat you like a queen.
By now, you’ve learned the traits of an Exceptional Relationship and the keys so you’re both treated with greater respect and love. We can sometimes be quick to blame our partner for how we feel and see only our husband’s behavior as the one at fault.
As we shared, a healthy and lasting marriage is much more than that. It requires you to show up and really get to know yourself. Not only that, you have to communicate your innermost desires and boundaries so that your partner can respect them.
Especially when we’ve been in long-term relationships, it can feel like mind-reading is the way to go. But there’s still a great deal to learn about each other, especially if you want to grow together and have the most nourishing and fulfilling marriage of your dreams.
In our flagship The Cherished Wife Program, we break all these elements down into practical steps that you can take to improve your relationship straight away. In this article, we’ve covered the reasons why your husband is treating you badly and how to make him treat you better.
Maybe it’s all been helpful to you. But the most important question is, what is it that you need in your marriage right now? What is the pivotal information and help that you need that can turn everything around?
That’s the type of customized content that the ladies within The Cherished Wife Program get.
No one deserves to suffer in a marriage that makes them unhappy.
No one should endure the worries, doubt and fear of not knowing what to do nor who to turn to.
Stop repeating the same mistakes and get the proven system with steps that you can take so that your husband truly treats you like a queen today. You can reserve your spot on our waiting list for our premium coaching program here.
Already on our waiting list and want more content to dig into? Check out the frequently asked questions section below. If you ever find yourself in these situations, our answers could give you the clarity and tools to better address the issues at hand.
FAQ – What Should I Do?
My Husband Treats Me Like a Child
Some relationships have the dynamic of a parent-child relationship. If you find yourself in one like this, you need to evaluate what’s the pattern that you both are playing. You can find out more about this here.
The clearer you are about how it’s playing out, the more you get the power to change it. I used to coach a couple who had this issue where she was treating him like a child. As we explored the issue we found out that he automatically retracted into a boy-like state whenever she brought something up.
In his mind, she was more powerful than him and the only way he could solve the issue is by being a rebellious boy. But an adult doesn’t rebel when they can confront the issue together rather than being a child.
My Husband Treats Me Like a Burden
Here’s a shift of attitude you can make:
See how you can be of service to him.
Changing the perspective towards serving your partner is really powerful and can blow issues like this out of the water. The reason it’s so powerful is because it stops any self-obsessed behavior. Instead, you give yourself into the relationship and find fulfillment in the act of giving rather than taking.
But be aware that we aren’t saying that you should be a doormat or to allow your husband to do whatever he wants. To be of service can also mean to say no.
Because your husband can have destructive habits and saying yes to them simply keeps them in place. That’s not service, that’s a disservice. Your husband won’t treat you better if you are an enabler of his destructiveness.
My Husband Treats Me Like an Object
When we believe we know our partner, we have reduced them to a mental object.- Jachym Jerie
This often happens in conjunction with sex. You feel reduced to being used by him whenever he pleases.
What you need to introduce into your relationship is more presence. Truly being with your husband. Treating someone like an object means they are on autopilot. They don’t see through their ideas of the other person.
Being present with your husband is a way to reconnect both of you with your humanity. You can do that through simple exercises like looking into each other’s eyes for a few minutes without speaking or touching.
Also, go back and reread the part about being vulnerable. When you show your husband how his actions affect you, it can truly wake him up.
My Husband Treats Me Like a Personal Assistant / My Husband Treats Me Like a Nanny
When your husband is too demanding, is treating you like an employee or a nanny, here’s a line you can use:
Again, that’s vulnerable. Most women believe they have to show that they can do everything. They’re independent and strong. But now we’re stopping that and we’re allowing ourselves to be seen as human rather than a super-woman. Make sure you’re not saying ‘I don’t want to.’ You’re saying ‘I can’t.’
“Can you please go shopping today?”
“I have too much on my plate right now, and I’m exhausted. I can’t. You’ll have to find a way yourself.”
You don’t have to give a rational example. You don’t have to argue with him. Simply say I can’t and stick with it.
My Husband Treats Me Like a Buddy
Passion dies when we compromise to keep the peace.- Natasha Koo
He most likely hasn’t treated you like this when you first met. What has happened that your relationship has become depolarized? In our The Cherished Wife Program, we show women how to reignite the spark even if you’re sleeping in separate bedrooms now.
We take away the guesswork from the relationship and give you clear skills, mindset training, and actionable steps to turn your relationship around for good. You don’t have to be in a passionless marriage. You can have your man chase after you and go crazy over you. But you won’t get that if you keep doing what you’ve done so far.
Ready for a change? Apply here now.
My Husband Treats Me Like a Doormat
When you feel like a doormat, you’ve allowed your boundaries to be violated. Reread what we’ve written about boundaries above.
We also recommend checking whether you’re trying to please your husband at any cost. This happens to women who are afraid of conflict. When you address your fears around conflict, you won’t be a doormat anymore. You’ll step up for yourself and claim back your power you’ve given away.
My Husband Treats Me Like a Therapist
He’s most likely afraid to go to someone else.
But we don’t recommend letting him take you as a replacement for a real therapist. Instead, you want to be clear with your boundaries. Does it mean that he can’t show his feelings to you? Nope. But it means that you are in touch with yourself as it happens and that you’re real with him.
Don’t try to solve his problems. Don’t try to analyze things with him. Simply be human and let him know that you can’t be what he’s asking you to be.
My Husband Treats Me Like a Second Class Citizen / My Husband Treats Me Like I’m Nothing
We’ve written a section above about looking at your limiting beliefs. You need to do that. Again, there’s no reason why you need to put up with being disregarded, disrespected, disgraced by someone else. Why are you staying in a relationship like this?
Yes, you can change the relationship, but only if you change how you show up in it. If you want to be treated like a queen, act like one. Don’t put up with someone disrespecting you.
My Husband Treats Me Like I’m His Mother
Stop being it.
Yes. What are the behaviors of a mom? She takes care of the child, cleans up after him, makes him lunch etc. Write down all of these behaviors and stop them all. Your husband won’t like it. But otherwise you won’t stop the dynamic from happening.
When he asks for something that you’ve identified as ‘mommy behavior’ simply say ‘Sorry hun, I can’t’. On top of that you want to start treating him like a man. Ask him to help you with things. Appreciate what he’s doing well. You want to draw out the strength in him, but it won’t come out if you keep babying him.
Husband Treats Me Like an Outsider
As a couple you form a new micro-culture. This means that you have your own rituals, inside jokes, and how you do things in your little bubble. If you’re feeling like an outsider, the creation of such a micro-culture hasn’t happened.
You still can change things by introducing them. Also, you want to get on the same page with each other about what marriage really means to each of you. That way you can start creating a shared vision where both feel inspired to work towards.
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