No one wants to be placed last, especially not by their spouse.
What if you feel like you’re not his priority anymore? What if your husband’s work, guy friends or even his hobbies take the forefront, but not you?
We get how frustrating this can be. It’s annoying to compete for your husband’s attention. For goodness’ sake, is it too much to have him take a minute off his phone to look at you?
It’s like a losing game that you keep playing, but never come out on top. There’s always something more urgent or important than you and what you want. But it’s gotten to the point where it has become intolerable.
You need your man. You want him to want you. You want him to choose you. You want him to appreciate you. You’re in a relationship after all.
If you’re at your wit’s end and need to find a way to make your husband to treat you like a priority, then this article will show you exactly how. You’ll finally understand why you’ve moved down the ladder of importance to him and what you can do to regain your position as the most important person in his life again. Want to know our secrets? Read on to find out.
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9 Clear Signs You Are Not a Priority to Your Husband
Are you making it up, or has his priorities changed?
We want to give you clarity on whether your husband still thinks you’re a priority or not. After all, if you aren’t clear, you will want to address it. And no, that doesn’t mean to have ‘the talk’ with him. We’ll show you much more effective ways to make your husband treat you like a priority. But more on that later.
1. His Phone Is More Important to Him Than You
We show what’s important to us by how we spend our time and attention.– Jachym Jerie
Just go out for a nice dinner and you’ll see countless couples staring at their phone. It’s heartbreaking. Why do you even go out together if you won’t pay attention to each other? Your husband being on his phone all the time is a sign that you are not a priority to your husband.
If you were a priority, he’d put the phone down and simply be with you. We stand by this even if it’s culturally ‘normal’ that people have their phone with them all the time. You can’t deepen your relationship with someone when you’re lost in Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.
As this study here suggests, phubbing (using your phone and ignoring your partner), leads to decreased marital satisfaction, increased chance of depression, and an overall lower satisfaction of one’s life. Even having the phone present during a conversation can lessen the feeling of connection and closeness as this study here found.
But you don’t have to be one of the wives who doesn’t get your husband’s attention because of his phone.
In our The Cherished Wife Program, we show you how you can effortlessly get his attention. It’s not as hard as you think; you simply have been doing it the wrong way. Once you understand how your man works, you’ll have a much easier time communicating with him in a way that he gets you.
Gone are the days where you have to beg and nag at your husband to get what you want. Instead, you’ll have a husband who wants to take care of you. Want that? Apply here now.
2. He Doesn’t Make Time for Just the Two of You
Life can get busy, which is why it’s important to block out time to just be with each other. We do this all the time:
- Want to go to a concert? You block it in your calendar.
- Want to attend a soccer match? You block it in your calendar.
It’s normal that you block time in your calendar for the things that are important to you. If your husband isn’t blocking time in his calendar to give you undivided attention, you’re not a priority to him and he doesn’t know your worth. (you can change that)
Making time for each other will actually help to deal with stress and other challenges in life as this study suggests.
Actions speak louder than words. What’s important to us can be seen by how we live our lives.– Natasha & Jachym Jerie
3. He Puts Other People Before You
He makes time, but then his friend calls and he disappears for the night…
That’s a clear sign that your husband doesn’t treat you like a priority. At this moment, he’s chosen his friend over you. Again, it’s a simple action that makes a clear statement: other people are more important to me than you right now.
You can argue that it’s not really true but remember, we put our time and attention onto the things that are important to us. Actions always speak louder than words.
4. He Forgets Important Dates
Making someone a priority means to be on board with the things that are important to them. If you value your birthday and your husband just forgets, it’s a sign that he:
- Isn’t aware that your birthday is important to you (ex. I don’t care about mine)
- Is aware but he forgot because something more important came up
Ultimately ‘important dates’ are up for discussion. I don’t care about events so much and hence I tend to forget them. It doesn’t mean that I don’t value the person, it just means that I don’t show it through honoring events.
However, if I do know that something is really important to Natasha I do make an effort to honor her point of view.
5. He’s Not Paying Attention to You the Way He Used To
Yes, we all get off the honeymoon and into the daily routine of being together. You can expect that the way you treat each other will change over time.
But there’s a difference between simply coexisting and making an effort to show each other your love and affection. You can still have certain routines that just happen in your day as long as you don’t just let them take over your entire life.
Love, after the honeymoon, becomes a conscious choice. Your husband changing the way he’s with you can be a sign that you’re not a priority anymore.
6. He Doesn’t Consult You About Important Life Decisions That Will Impact You Too
This means that what you do impacts your husband and vice versa. If he doesn’t consider what will happen to you with the decision he’s making, he’s only thinking for himself. This can mean that he hasn’t realized yet how much your lives are intertwined or it means that he stopped prioritizing you.
In The Cherished Wife Program, you learn how you can elicit the hero reaction in your man so that he wants to take care of you. He wants to see you happy and he wants to fulfill your desires. You simply have to know what attitudes you need to stop doing and what to do instead.
7. He Doesn’t Show You Affection Anymore
Being a priority in someone’s life can be felt. You know it because of how they treat you. In a romantic relationship, this is often shown through affection. It’s the way he looks at you, touches you, or talks to you.
They’re small gestures but they often show you that you still matter to your husband. A lack of affection can be a sign that you’re not as important to him anymore as you used to be. Even if affection is more of a routine, it still has great benefits as this study shows.
A Cherished Wife is irresistible to her husband because she doesn’t guard her heart anymore.- Jachym Jerie
8. He Doesn’t Make an Effort to Nurture Your Relationship With Each Other
When you first met, you spent a lot of time together.
You made experiences together and discovered each other. If this stops happening, you lose touch with each other. Before you know it, you don’t quite understand each other anymore. To remain someone’s priority requires a constant update about how the person is evolving and changing.
When your husband stops putting an effort into nurturing the relationship, it can be a sign that the relationship isn’t as important to him anymore.
9. When You Ask Him to Do Something for You, It Takes Forever to Get Done
When you love someone, you want to see them happy. You go out of your way to accommodate them. If your husband doesn’t consider your requests anymore, he’s stopped prioritizing you over other things.
Many husbands don’t realize that a request from his woman is an opportunity to show her that he still loves and cares for her. Often, they think that it’s trivial stuff that doesn’t really matter. Well, they do to you. Being a priority in your husband’s life does mean that he values your desires, even if he doesn’t understand them.
Now that you know whether your husband still prioritizes you or not, let’s find out why he doesn’t put you first anymore.
Why Does My Husband Put Me Last?
He’s out again with his friends.
He promised to be home for dinner but broke his promise, and now you’re left alone. It’s not the first time this has happened. How could he be so inconsiderate?!
Here’s a little secret:
Your husband hasn’t made a conscious effort to stop making you a priority.
I know it sounds outrageous! After all, your thoughts are telling you otherwise. In your mind, your husband is perfectly conscious of his actions. He is totally aware of how you feel…
No, he isn’t. Most likely your husband has mindlessly allowed other things to take priority in his life. Not because he doesn’t love you, but because he doesn’t protect his time.
The more consciousness you can bring into your relationship, the more intimate you become with your partner and yourself.- Natasha Koo
Living a Conscious Life Takes Work
Your husband has other things demanding his time, like:
- His social circle
- His hobbies
- His energy (he needs to recuperate)
When you don’t know that romantic relationships need a conscious choice to show love, you’ll let it sit there thinking it’ll take care of itself. Your husband hasn’t put other things first because he wants to harm you. He’s done it out of his own ignorance.
He’s Withdrawing from the Relationship
Your husband is not making you a priority because he’s not engaging in the relationship anymore. The reasons for that could be:
- His needs aren’t being met
- He’s tried to make things work with you but it doesn’t work out
- He’s been hurt by you and doesn’t know how to move through the pain
- You’re too controlling
Unprocessed wounds can cause people to distance themselves. As this study suggests, men struggle more when the relationship is in trouble. If this is the case, your husband isn’t making you a priority anymore because he’s trying to protect himself. This tactic doesn’t work and will get him even more hurt. But most people are unaware of that.
In The Cherished Wife Program, we help you draw your husband back to you, without pursuing him. You’ll learn how you can create an emotionally safe environment for your husband to open up and how you can have a deeply intimate connection with him. Apply here to save your spot now.
These are just a few of the reasons why your husband doesn’t treat you like a priority. There are others like:
- A mismatch of how you show love and affection
- Stress outside of the relationship which he needs to attend to
- Not being sure about the relationship anymore
- Different values in life
- Midlife crisis
Now that we understand your husband a bit better, let’s look at you.
Why Do You Need to Be His Priority?
Our feeling of lack isn’t based in truth. It’s a story your mind tells you.- Jachym Jerie
Women come to us saying:
“I don’t feel like a priority to my husband.
I don’t feel like a priority in my marriage.
Why can’t my husband put me first?
Why am I always last on my husband’s priority list?”
They’re understandable statements and questions. But they put the focus on the husband. What about you? Why do you need him to put you as a priority in the first place?
When Your Husband Doesn’t Put You First…
What do you feel?
- Not good enough
- Not valued
- Taken for granted
What is the feeling that you don’t like when your husband doesn’t show you that you really matter to him? You need to look at that feeling. If you don’t, you simply fix your circumstances but you don’t address the lack within you.
Other people can’t fill the hole that you feel inside of you. It’s this feeling of lack that’s creating so many troubles in your relationship. In The Cherished Wife Program, we make sure that you have a solid foundation on which to build your relationship on.
That’s why we spend time exploring your own wounds and how you can heal them. It’s the sure-fire way to stop unhealthy relationship dynamics for good.
You can be his priority when you tap into your irresistible feminine power.- Natasha & Jachym Jerie
How Do I Get Him to Treat Me Like a Priority?
Have you tried to:
- Talk to him?
- Make plans with him?
- Demand more time?
- Nag him?
- Complain to him?
- Criticize him for not making you a priority?
- Blame him?
Has any of it worked? Nope. Husbands tend to not respond too well to being told what they have to do. Your complaining has probably the opposite effect on him: it pushes him further away.
The more we pursue love, the further away we get from it.- Natasha Koo
He’ll feel that he isn’t good enough and that you’re too needy. He’ll become defensive when you talk to him about how you feel and in the end, both of you feel more hurt and nothing gets resolved.
No, you need to change your approach.
Stop Taking Care of Him
Many women treat their husbands like a child.
They wash the laundry, do the dishes, cook, and clean. Doing all of these things for him isn’t healthy nor good for you or the relationship. Why is that?
Because you’re becoming his mom and not his lover. His mom was there to support him and he didn’t have to do anything in return. When you become his mom, you take the same position as her. Do you really want that?
I bet you don’t.
Instead, you want to be his lover. You want him to romance you! Well, he never romanced his mom. (I hope so…)
When you stop taking care of everything around the house, you’re shifting the relationship dynamic and making space for it to grow. The next step is to use the newly gained time.
A Cherished Wife lets her husband be her strong man and doesn’t treat him like a child.- Natasha & Jachym Jerie
Take Care of Yourself
Make sure that every week, you pamper yourself. How on earth is that going to make him treat you like a priority?
- You’re going to be in a good mood and well rested.
- You’re fun to be around again.
- He suddenly is facing the reality that you have your own life and priorities too.
Do you see how all of these are signs of a desirable woman and not his mom? When you first met, you were fun to be around. You flirted with him. You had fun with your friends. When you are bogged down in housework, you’re none of these.
As this study shows, a happy wife will lead to her husband being happier with his life.
That’s not surprising because taking care of yourself brings you back to your best self. In The Cherished Wife Program we show you how you can live your life from your best self. What do you think will happen when you stop compromising yourself and start being 100% authentic in your life and relationship?
It’ll change for the better.
Because there’s nothing as magnetic as someone who’s totally comfortable in her own skin. Your husband can’t resist a wife who’s in tune with her feminine energy and unafraid to let him be a strong man. That’s the transformation we want you to have in your marriage.
Get Rid of Negative Patterns
Why do you go to the movies?
Why do you like to hang out with your friends?
Because it’s fun and entertaining.
It’s the same for your husband. He wants to have fun; he wants to enjoy life. If you have negative communication patterns like:
You’re simply going to push your husband further away. You need to address these patterns because they’re killing your relationship. Why? Because they’re rooted in fear and insecurities. They are not aligned to love. But your relationship needs love. It’s like sunlight and water for a flower.
By allowing yourself to act out all these negative ways of relating, you’re cutting yourself off from love. As soon as you bring back the love into your relationship, it will change for the better.
Relationships thrive on love and they wither away when immersed in fear.- Jachym Jerie
It’s not easy to feel like you come last, especially when it comes to your marriage. By being in a committed relationship, you’re saying that you mean a lot to each other. But this commitment doesn’t just happen at the altar. It’s to be renewed as ‘life happens’ and other things start to occupy more space than your relationship. So how can you deal with these shifts in your marriage?
Many couples fall into the trap of nagging, complaining or criticizing their spouse when they feel neglected, especially if their needs aren’t met. With the resources from this article, you don’t have to go down that destructive spiral. You can actually understand the reasons why your husband isn’t treating you as a priority.
Not only that, this is a great opportunity for us as women to start treating ourselves as a priority. How often do we put others before ourselves? When’s the last time you did something just for you for no reason other than you want to?
By stepping up and taking the lead in our own lives, we’re showing others, including our spouse, how to treat us. We need to start taking our needs and desires more seriously and give ourselves the pampering and respect that we so deserve.
Why wait for our husband to treat us right? It starts with us.
So back to you! What’s one thing you can do to take better care of yourself? What’s one thing you can do to stop worrying, managing or caring for your husband (something that he’s completely capable of doing in the first place)?
That’s just one of the many things that we teach the incredible women in our flagship The Cherished Wife Program. Want to know what it’s like to be treated like a queen by your husband?
In this premium coaching program, we share the secrets to unleash your inner goddess so that you become naturally irresistible to your husband and for him to treat you like a priority again. If you want to let go of feeling not enough, then apply for your spot here. Feel what it’s like to be pampered and to receive the love that you’ve always wanted.
Below, we’ve included a Frequently Asked Question when it comes to husbands who prioritize work or his family and friends over you. If you find yourself in this position, take a good read because it might contain the very information that you’ve been looking for.
FAQ – What Should I Do?
My Husband’s Priority Is Work
The masculine energy wants to be challenged. It thrives on pursuing a goal. Oftentimes, work is a great place for the masculine energy to find an outlet.
Your man, if he’s following his calling, is working on his purpose, his mission. It deeply satisfies and fulfills him. So yes, work is a priority for him. But that doesn’t mean that you’re not important to him. It also doesn’t mean that you have to compete with his work for his attention.
You are offering him something different than his work. But you can only offer that to him if you embrace your feminine side. That’s why in The Cherished Wife Program we focus on helping you unleash your inner goddess.
It’s a guided process where you can let go of the armors that protect your heart. We guide you deep into your feminine essence so that you bring out the strong masculine side in your man. It’s the only way your relationship will find the love and intimacy that it once had, again.
Want to be irresistible to your husband? Reserve your spot here.
My Husband’s Priority is His Parents/Family
Family is important.
But there comes a time when we have to let go of our birth family and start our own. That said, your husband might still maintain a close bond to his family.
If that’s the case, we recommend truly listening to him. Explore and ask him:
- Why is your family so important to you?
- What do you get from being around them?
- How do you feel when you can spend time with them?
The more you see what your husband is getting from his family, the easier it will be to discuss the issue like adults. Without proper understanding, you won’t get anywhere.
We also recommend that you have firm boundaries with your in-laws. Many women fail to do that because they’re afraid that they’re going to alienate their husband. It’s this fear that’s often the problem. Remember the section about ‘taking care of yourself’? This is a perfect example of that.
Setting boundaries with your in-laws doesn’t have to be harsh, mean or coming from a place of anger. It’s simply showing people what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable with.
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