Is there anything more frustrating than not being understood?
Sure, a disagreement here and there is manageable. But when you constantly feel like your husband doesn’t listen to you? It makes you wonder where you’ve gone wrong…
Are you not so important to him anymore?
Is there something on his mind that you don’t know about?
How can you get more of his attention and reach him?
If you’ve been struggling to answer these questions, then this article will be a life-changer for you. Find out how to get your husband to understand you. That’s right! You can finally learn the best ways to talk to your spouse so that he finally listens. Ready to transform your relationship so that there’s natural understanding and connection? Let’s dive straight in.
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5 Reasons Why Husbands Don’t Listen to Their Wives
1. You Talk When He’s Busy
When Natasha approaches me and starts talking while I’m focused on work, I can guarantee you, I won’t listen. Not because I don’t care about her. No. I don’t listen because my brain is preoccupied with doing other things.
Interrupting my flow of work comes at a cost for me: it’ll take me awhile to get into the flow of it again. So when Natasha wants to talk to me, she’s to find the right time when I’m not focused.
For me this also means that I need space after I finish a session because I often process things afterwards. It’s actually painful for me trying to pay attention to Natasha when my mind keeps integrating.
Are you trying to talk to your husband when he’s in the middle of something? If so, start approaching him when he’s free or ask him to sit down with you at an agreed time. That’ll bring you closer to your solution to your problem: how to make your husband listen to you.
Guiding your husband’s attention is more powerful than demanding it.– Jachym Jerie
2. He Wants to Solve Problems and Not Wallow in Them
Many women need to vent to process emotions. It’s natural for them. When they don’t feel like their husband’s listening to them, they feel a lack of emotional support. Some men do the same but many don’t. They keep what they’re feeling to themselves.
When you approach your husband to talk, he could fear that it’s going to turn into a drama. He just wants to solve your issue and move on. By having these two different operational modes clashing you’ll feel unheard, while he feels like you’re just using him to dump your emotions on him.
If you need emotional comfort, your husband might not be the right person to look for it. In this case, it doesn’t mean that your husband won’t listen to you, it just means that he doesn’t listen in certain cases.
3. He’s Scared He’ll Get Accused Or Blamed
When emotions run high, old issues resurface and what should have been a nice talk turns into a huge drama. If your husband has experienced this with you in the past, he’s more likely to try to avoid listening to you.
Because he doesn’t want to be blamed, criticized, or nagged at. He wants to have a good time with you and not descend into drama where he feels blamed.
If you use negative communication patterns in your relationship, make sure you weed them out for good. They simply harm you and your husband’s love for each other. They also contribute to your husband not listening to you.
4. He Doesn’t Know The Benefit of Listening to You
Listening so deeply that words don’t matter anymore, will bring new depths into your relationship.– Natasha & Jachym Jerie
Men are raised to be ‘strong.’ This often means that they believe showing emotions is a weakness. In turn, they are detached from them. Your husband might not understand how much closer listening will bring you to each other.
If this is the case, it’s up to you to show him this world in an appealing way. He won’t understand what’s great about listening until he experiences it himself.
5. He Simply Isn’t Interested in The Same Things as You
You want to talk about your shopping trip. He doesn’t care. He just wants to relax and have a beer. The good news is that he doesn’t have to be interested in the same things as you. I often talk to friends about deep spiritual concepts that Natasha simply isn’t interested in.
Why would I ask her to listen to something she doesn’t care about? It makes no sense. If you have nothing to talk about because your interests are far apart you have a great task at hand:
Explore new things together!
You can build a relationship that has things that both of you enjoy. Then you won’t find yourself in the situation anymore where your husband doesn’t listen to you.
Why Does My Husband Not Listen to Me?
Now over to you: why does your husband not listen to you? Maybe you’ve found other reasons like:
- He’s stressed
- He doesn’t know how to
- He’s built a negative self-image of being a bad listener
- He’s afraid of conflict
- He’s passive-aggressive
There are many more reasons why your husband doesn’t listen to you. But whatever they are, we’ve got you covered. You can have a husband who wants to listen to you!
What to Do When Your Husband Doesn’t Listen to You
You asked him to take out the garbage and it’s still there. You feel unheard. Whatever you say just doesn’t seem to reach him. What should you do about this?
Stop Focusing on Him
Right now you feel like he’s the problem. He isn’t. What’s the problem is your reaction. Your feelings of hurt, neglect, and not feeling appreciated. You think that if only he’d treat you differently, only then you’d feel different. With this line of thinking, you’re at the mercy of your husband FOREVER.
Doesn’t sound pleasant, does it?
Is there another way? Yes.
This Is an Opportunity
Whenever we’re faced with a challenge in life, we have the opportunity to grow. The question is whether you’ll take it or not.
Our flagship coaching program The Cherished Wife takes you on a three month journey to dive deep into the mechanics of what makes a relationship work and what doesn’t. We show you the hacks that you can apply to transform yourself and with it your marriage.
You don’t have to guess anymore. You’ll know exactly what’s driving your husband further away and how you can turn it around! Go over here to apply for your seat now.
Your husband not listening to you is a blessing in disguise. It forces you to reevaluate how you’re showing up in the relationship. Husbands don’t just stop listening out of the blue. This has become a pattern in the relationship and you helped create it.
Which is why you can turn it around.
The solutions of today may become the problems of tomorrow.– Jachym Jerie
This is going to be unpopular:
Look at the discomfort you’re experiencing.
Stop avoiding it.
Stop trying to make it go away.
Stop trying to change your husband so that you feel better within yourself.
He isn’t your pet. When he doesn’t listen, you feel a certain way that’s quite uncomfortable and distressing for you. What are these feelings? You see, most women try to change their husbands through force. It’s exhausting and it doesn’t work.
What we propose is radically different: When you change yourself, your husband changes too. Right now you need him to listen to you. What would happen if you didn’t need that anymore? How would you be able to engage with him? It would be a world of a difference.
Because you’re not coming from a needy place. You’re coming from a self-assured and loving space. That in itself will shift the conversation completely. It’s also the key if you want more attention from your husband.
Once you’ve done that let’s look at what to do with your husband who isn’t listening
What to Do to Make Your Husband Listen to You
It happens to all of us.
We think we just need to ‘make it happen.’ As if we have some magic power over our spouse to magically make them change. While it’s true that both partners influence each other, the idea that you can ‘make your husband listen to you’ isn’t true.
It feels quite forceful and will often inspire forceful actions. Instead, you need to soften up. We’ve got a few keys for you to help you with getting your husband to listen to you.
Communication is an art. It goes way beyond what you say with your words.- Natasha Koo
Keep It Short
Some people (not just women) can jump from one topic to the next. Before you know it, you’re totally lost. He’ll be asking himself:
- Why’s she talking to me?
- What does she want?
- How long will this take?
- I just don’t get it… Does she want my advice?
Keeping it short and to the point will help to bring more clarity into the communication with your husband.
Express Appreciation for Him
When you only talk to your husband when there’s something wrong, he’ll start to dread any conversation with you. He basically feels that you talking to him means:
- More work
- Time gone when he could do something else he enjoys
You want your husband to enjoy being with you, rather than dreading it. You can start changing this dynamic by expressing things you appreciate about him. We guarantee you that your husband would want to listen to you when you do that. Make it a daily habit to explicitly tell him that he’s great.
Doing this achieves two things:
- He’ll feel worthy and appreciated
- You’ll start to see him in a more positive light
In the Cherished WIfe Program we take you through these exercises with ease. We help you rewire your brain to fall back in love with yourself and the amazing husband you once met. The sizzle for the relationship starts in your mind.
Gone are the days where you have to beg for attention, love and care. He’ll be your hero who can’t wait to fulfill your desires.
Because men love to make their women happy. Which brings us to the next point:
Express Your Desires
You have a superpower.
It’s your desire.
But most women don’t use their superpower. Instead, they revert to nagging and complaining. Well, we can guarantee you that these two things will kill your relationship.
So how do you express your desire? By being specific. Instead of nagging him that he should make more money, be clear on what you actually want to do with the money.
Buy yourself some nice pairs of boots? Then express that:
Her: Honey, I’d love to have this pair of shoes.
Him: Don’t you have enough already?
Her: They just look so amazing, it would make me so happy if I could wear them.
She doesn’t go into a logical argument about why she needs these shoes. She doesn’t even give a clear answer to his question. No, she stays with her desire. Is she guaranteed to get the shoes? No. But she’ll be much more likely to get them instead of just complaining about him not making enough money.
Your husband doesn’t listen to you when he feels like you’re going to complain. But he will listen to you when you express your desires.
Value His Opinion
Do you like to listen to someone who’s always right? I don’t.
Because it’s a one-way conversation. Would you like to talk to someone who listens to you and values your input? Yes. Then start valuing your husband’s perspective. How do you apply this?
Start asking him to give input on some issues like: “I need a new cell phone plan but there are so many of them. I could really use your opinion on this. I just feel a bit lost.”
Why does this work? You’re showing that you value him. You’re respecting him to the point that you let him take care of things. Now be prepared that he’ll get some things wrong. That’s normal and the best you can do is to not make a big deal out of it.
What do you do if these things don’t quite work?
Read on to find out.
People love to be of value to others. Appreciating your husband shows him that you value him.– Natasha & Jachym Jerie
How to Deal With a Husband Who Doesn’t Listen
Sometimes, we’re just bad listeners.
Your husband means no harm, he just doesn’t get what you say. Here’s what you can do:
1. Don’t Complain
He brought you milk instead of oats… You could make this into a huge thing where he clearly sees that you’re so unhappy with what he did or you can shrug it off. The first one is going to bring more negativity into your relationship. We don’t recommend that one.
“But if I don’t tell him, he won’t learn!”
Has he learned through your complaining? Most likely not. Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this. Here’s the thing: the more you reinforce that he’s useless and doesn’t listen, the more he starts believing it himself. Before you know it, you have a man at hand who’s doubting his every move.
What can you do in a situation like this?
Thank you for bringing me milk. (laughing) I actually needed oats, but I’m sure we can do something with it. But I’m not sure what I can serve the kids for breakfast tomorrow. Could you help me out with it?
Do you see how she’s not making it into a big deal, yet she’s clearly communicating what she needed and asks him to help solve the ‘mess’ the misunderstanding created? This is a much more wholesome way of dealing with a misunderstanding instead of using blame.
Relationships flourish when they are nourished by love. They die when you give them fear.- Natasha Koo
2. Create a Loving Environment
When your husband feels safe with you, he won’t be on guard. When he isn’t on guard, he’s more likely to listen to you. How do you create a loving environment?
By cutting out all the:
Instead, you want to replace them with loving and empowering habits. In The Cherished Wife Program we show you exactly how you can do that. We dive deep to show you the right relationship mindsets that will put you on track to wow your husband’s mind and make him want to be with you more than ever. We only have the capacity for a limited amount of women like you, head over here to apply for it now.
3. Communicate Vulnerably
Until Natasha showed me how much my harshness hurt her, I was unaware of it. Until you let your husband see how his behavior impacts you, he won’t get the chance to change.
Being vulnerable by definition is uncomfortable. It isn’t fun when you’re in it. But the reward is often greater than the discomfort.
Because when your partner sees you like this, his heart will crack open and he’ll want to work things out with you. Vulnerability is a strength that’s totally undervalued.
By now, you have an idea of why your husband doesn’t listen to you and what to do when you don’t feel understood. We can be quick to assume what your spouse is going through, but a lot of the time we don’t actually know.
That’s why our tips on how to make your husband listen to you aren’t just about communication. They’re here to re-establish your respect, appreciation and connection again. That’s the foundation of a healthy relationship where you both feel understood.
The same goes for dealing with your spouse when he isn’t listening. His behavior might be frustrating and push you towards nagging or complaining. But there are better alternatives that can help your communication instead of creating even more disconnection and distance.
Oftentimes, we forget that the simplest answer is the best way forward. You’re here to bring out the best in each other. And you still can!
Instead of reacting from fear, come from love.
Instead of judging his behavior, seek understanding.
You can overcome this problem together. But you’re more likely to succeed when you take on the challenges together with an open mind and kindness. If you’ve been inspired by this article and can’t wait to apply our tips to your marriage, then our answers to some frequently asked questions might be extremely helpful to you too.
If you ever find yourself in situations where your husband won’t let you finish a sentence or you don’t feel heard in your relationship, then check out the section below.
FAQ – What Should I Do?
We don’t know your specific situation. Please be aware that the FAQ might not apply to you. However, it might give you inspiration for your situation.
My Husband Won’t Let Me Finish a Sentence
I understand you.
I hate when people cut me off.
When your husband won’t let you finish a sentence, you do need to bring this topic to his attention. Some people get so involved and excited in a conversation that they just cut in. Some people feel like they have to share what they know because otherwise they’ll forget it. And others are riled up and need to barge in because they’re angry.
Whatever the reason is, you want to make sure that you do breach this topic with your husband. As we’ve shared above, make sure that you communicate from an authentic and vulnerable place rather than using blame.
I Can’t Vent to My Husband
Then go vent to your best friend. Your husband isn’t the right person to vent to. He can fulfill other needs, but he won’t fulfill this one. There’s nothing wrong with you not being able to vent to your husband.
If you would like to be able to have a listening ear from your husband, you can ask him as well to just listen for 5 minutes. You can phrase it like this:
I know you hate it when I vent. But I just need a listening ear from time to time. It really helps me to process my emotions. Would you be open to listen to me for 5 minutes (set a timer) where I can just talk freely? After 5 minutes are up, we can go on with our day. What do you think?
Do not break your word on this. If you say 5 minutes, it is 5 minutes. That’s why you set a timer. If he finds himself listening for 30 minutes when you said it’s only 5, he won’t trust your word the next time.
My Husband Never Hears What I Say
Unless he is deaf, he does hear what you are saying but he might not understand it. Or maybe he’s trying to purposefully ignore you.
If you two have a severe case of miscommunication happening, do this:
- Tell him that you feel like you keep misunderstanding each other.
- Propose a solution.
- Check in with each other after you’ve said what you wanted to say to see if you actually understood each other.
- Give it a go and see what happens.
Make sure that you don’t blame him. It could also be that your communication isn’t clear enough. The solution isn’t to point fingers at each other, it’s here to make sure you don’t have quite as many misunderstandings.
My Husband Doesn’t Listen to Me When I Talk
Here’s how you can handle this:
- Pay attention to where his mind is at
- When he drifts away, pause
- Continue talking when he comes back to you
There are other things you can try like:
- You seem to be preoccupied, are you sure now is a good time to discuss this?
- I notice you’re not paying attention to me anymore, what’s going on in your mind?
- Do you need some time before we continue this conversation? I really want us to be present with each other.
As with the other examples, you want to be not hostile.
I Don’t Feel Heard in My Relationship
Love isn’t hard or painful. It just is.- Jachym Jerie
What are you trying to get through ‘being heard?’ Underneath this desire is a need that’s not fulfilled. When you dig down, you can find out what you truly need and then find ways to fulfill the need.
Not feeling heard in your relationship is quite vague. Does it mean that your partner doesn’t:
- Acknowledge your feelings?
- Agree with you?
- Share the same values as you?
- Let you speak your mind?
Whatever it is, you want to make it more concrete so that you can address it. Simple questions like:
- How would my partner’s behavior change if he were to make me feel heard?
- What has given me the feeling of being heard in the past?
Can shed light onto what’s truly going on.
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