If either of you don’t feel respected, then your relationship is in trouble.
Sure, love and trust are foundational pieces of a marriage, but some might argue that respect is more important.
When it comes to long-term relationships, the little conflicts, friction and differences can build up over time. These bumps along the road might have torn you apart to the point where you’ve lost respect for one another.
So how can you regain and maintain respect in your marriage? Maybe you’re wondering if you are disrespecting your husband. Or you might be looking for concrete ways to show your husband respect.
If so, you’re in the right place. This article will show you exactly how to make your husband feel respected.
Even if you and your man are in a rocky place, there’s still hope. Just like how you gained and showed respect for each other at the beginning of your relationship, you can have that again. Take on the practical tips we’re about to share with you and your husband will feel respected, valued and truly seen by you again.
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What Is Respect?
Before we get started, we need to agree with what respect actually means. Here’s a useful definition from the Cambridge Dictionary:
Genuine respect is something that you feel and then show to your husband. If you’re struggling with connecting with this feeling of respect for your man, we’ve got you covered. In our premium coaching program The Cherished Wife, we give you the tools to see the best in your husband.
We show you how you can develop natural admiration for your husband and how to express it so that he gets it. We help you to bring out the best in your husband so that you naturally hold him in high regard.
The secret to showing respect to your husband starts in your mind. Ready to change your marriage for the better? Head over here to secure your spot now.
A Cherished Wife respects her husband.– Natasha & Jachym Jerie
Why You Should Respect Your Husband
A few years after Jachym and I got married and moved in together, the respect I had for him grew shaky. It all started with the power struggles we had at home.
Just like any couple, we were two incredibly different individuals. When it came to merging our lifestyles together, it became a tug-of-war of ‘whose way is better’.
In reality, both our preferences were valid. But at the time we had little understanding of how relationships work and our ego got in the way of us working together to find a mutually respectful solution.
We were lost: We didn’t listen to each other. We didn’t value our differences.
Instead, we resorted to the all-too-common power struggle. I started to think that my way was ‘superior’. Every time Jachym didn’t do something -, whether in the kitchen or at work -, according to the way that I liked things, I would sigh, look at him disapprovingly and tell him to change his ways.
Over time, Jachym became more and more disempowered. He would yield begrudgingly to my demands. In the end, being around me required him to walk on eggshells because another wrong move and his wife would be displeased with him again.
This went on for years until he finally spoke up. He sat me down and told me how my criticism, complaining and nagging was hurting him deeply. Jachym didn’t feel like a strong man anymore, but a young child being scolded by his mom. I was no longer his wife, but a demanding figure who constantly reminded him of how he was wrong.
It was then that I saw how demoralizing my behavior was. I no longer saw him as the powerful, confident man who I fell in love with. I actually saw him as useless, as someone who constantly needed my feedback and guidance.
Fact is, Jachym was just as capable as navigating life as I am, but I didn’t let him live his life. I never gave him the chance to show me what life is truly like from his eyes.
As I became more and more controlling, I stripped him away of all respect. At that moment, I knew how I could no longer see him in this way. I realized that I was wrong and my behavior was misguided.
I needed to truly see my husband for who he is. And when I did, my respect for him blossomed naturally and Jachym in turn became even stronger and more of a man from the respect I showed him.
Respect is an important foundation for any relationship, but it’s really important in a marriage. Some surveys suggest that respect is more important to men than women. We tend to agree with that. As this study found, men are more attractive to women if they have a higher status in society (which means they get more respect). That’s why we believe that respect is quite important for a man.
Why is Respect Important to a Man
When you respect your husband, you let him know that he’s worthy, valuable, and appreciated. Without respect, your relationship quickly deteriorates into a cycle of hurting each other. You won’t get out of that cycle until you start reintroducing respect into the relationship.
The masculine energy thrives on competition. What do you gain when you win the competition? Respect. Does this mean that only men want respect? Nope, women want to be respected too. But a man who embraces his masculine energy will find it more important than a woman who’s in her feminine essence.
What Does Respect Mean to a Husband?
Through respecting your husband, you show him that you:
- Trust him
- See him as an independent person with his own views
- Value his input and the differences you have
- See him as worthy and capable
- See him as someone you can rely on
Respect is really important for your husband. As Shaunti Feldhan demonstrates in her book, many men would choose feeling respected over love. By respecting your husband, you’re giving him reassurance that he’s good enough as a husband.
Becoming a Cherished Wife isn’t hard. Simply start by appreciating your husband.– Jachym Jerie
What Happens When You Disrespect Your Husband?
You hurt him.
Do you like feeling disrespected? I don’t think so. It’s the same for your husband. As a reaction, he’ll probably withdraw from the relationship for a bit to heal his wounds. If the disrespect happens on a continuous basis, he might start seeing himself as unworthy and give up hope for the relationship.
Respect is necessary in a relationship. It isn’t just vital for your husband, it’s also important for you. Respect lets us know that we’re safe with our spouse. It shows us that we’re valued and that our perspective is important too.
Are you disrespecting your husband and you don’t even know it? Let’s find out…
How Am I Disrespecting My Husband? – 5 Signs
‘Honey, do I seriously have to remind you to do that again? Your brain still works, doesn’t it?’
‘I asked you to buy green bell peppers. It’s like you’re incapable of understanding the English language.’
Many women don’t realize that they’re disrespecting their husbands. They don’t see how their behavior impacts their man because he isn’t vulnerable and open enough to share when he feels hurt.
In our The Cherished Wife Program we help you identify exactly how you are disrespecting your man and how you can replace these behaviors with uplifting ones. You don’t have to guess what your man wants if you have the blueprint to becoming a Cherished Wife.
Are you ready to uplift your man and get all the love, passion, and connection you desire? Reserve your seat here.
1. He’s withdrawing from you
Many men tend to withdraw when they feel hurt. If he’s withdrawing from you, it could be because he feels disrespected by you. When you disrespect him, he won’t open up because he doesn’t feel safe with you.
2. You interrupt him
Being constantly interrupted and corrected is a sign of disrespect. If you have a habit of doing that, chances are that your husband will not feel respected. Just think about it this way:
Would you interrupt your idol? Most likely not. You’d be busy soaking up every single word from their lips. Remember: respect is linked to admiration. If you’re busy interrupting, you really aren’t that interested in what your husband has to say.
3. You feel the need to tell him what to do
Just like interrupting, telling your husband what he has to do isn’t showing him respect. You either become a bit like his mother or like his boss, neither of which are roles that should be in a marriage.
Your husband is capable. But, you don’t acknowledge that when you tell him what to do.
4. You make fun of him in public
You might think it’s just teasing, but for him it isn’t. When you make fun of him in front of other people, you’re revealing things about him without his consent. Again, would you make fun of someone you deeply admire? No. You’d be busy gushing about them.
5. You feel like you have to do it all
What does this have to do with respect?
Doing it all in the household is an indication that you’ve slipped into the mother role. You’re picking his things up behind him. In your mind, you’re probably cursing at him. You feel overwhelmed by it all and so you start criticizing and nagging him.
Guess what these things do to your husband? They’re showing him that you don’t respect him. You’re too busy wanting things to be done your way, that you fail to acknowledge that your husband has a way of living in a house that’s just as valid as yours.
Now that we covered the signs that show if you’re disrespecting your husband, let’s find out how you can show him respect.
How to Respect Your Husband
“Basically I should serve him beer when he grunts, fulfill his sexual fantasies, bake him cookies, and massage him all day.”
That’s what a woman wrote on a forum after she asked how she can show him respect. Sounds bad, right?
Yes, and doing these things has little to do with showing proper respect to your man.
1. Respect Your Man’s Qualities
Every human being wants to be a valuable member to their peers. We don’t want to feel or be seen as useless.
The same goes for your husband. He wants you to see him as capable. He might be bad in the kitchen, but great with a hammer. Acknowledge his strength rather than belittling his weaknesses.
Respecting your man’s qualities is showing him that you accept him for what he is. Believe me, he knows that he isn’t perfect. He, like you, has his shortcomings. We don’t need to have these things rubbed into our faces. Help him acknowledge what he does well, and you’re showing him respect.
2. Respect Your Husband Through Your Words
A Cherished Wife knows the power her words can have on her husband. She uses them wisely.– Natasha Koo
So much negativity enters a relationship through our ways of communicating. If you are:
- Being defensive
You are disrespecting your man. You don’t use these things towards someone you deeply admire. In The Cherished Wife Program we show you exactly how you can replace these destructive communication patterns with empowering ones.
Your husband will feel loved, respected, empowered, appreciated, and valued. What do you think a husband who feels all of that because of you will do? He wants to give the same to you. He wants to uplift and cherish you. Head over here to secure your spot now.
3. Show Respect to Your Man Through Your Body Language
How you react with your body shows a man more than what you tell him.
Here are some reactions you don’t want to have:
- Deep sigh
- Turning away from him
- Disapprovingly crossing your arms
- A disapproving look towards him
All of these are signs that you’re not happy with what he’s doing. Again, come back to thinking of how you would behave towards someone you deeply admire. Would you dismiss them or give any of these subtle signs to them? No, you wouldn’t.
Instead, you’d be:
- Looking at them
- Soaking up what they say
- Leaning in
- Listening intently
Notice a difference? Now, pay attention to how you treat your husband. Are you growling at him? Giving him ‘the look’? These are all signs of disrespect.
Don’t believe me?
Watch how he reacts when you start being disapproving of him. It’s not good for the relationship, him nor you.
4. Respect Your Husband in Public
Putting your husband down in front of others is a total no-go.
- You’re projecting a negative image of your husband onto other people’s mind.
- He’ll be forced to either just swallow it or get back at you.
- He might feel humiliated, not just disrespected.
How do you show respect in public?
- You talk about his good qualities
- You allow him to be a gentleman
- You look at him like he’s the most amazing man you’ve ever met
All of these are communicating to the people around you that your husband is amazing. But it isn’t just about showing respect when he’s there…
Respect Him Even When He Isn’t Present
If you’re bad mouthing him while he’s absent, he’ll eventually hear it from someone else. It’ll be even more hurtful and he’ll feel betrayed by you.
Does that mean you can’t get support for marital issues from your friends? Not necessarily. There’s a difference between dragging your man through the mud and stating a problem:
I just can’t stand this man. He eats like a pig and snores like a log. He looks like a hobo and guess what?! He’s such a push-over to his boss. He must have lost his balls from all the biking he does. Just how did I end up with such a wimp?
I love Drew. He’s such an amazing man. But lately we’ve been struggling a bit. He’s started to come home late from work and I feel neglected by him.
5. Respect His Judgment and Leadership
A Cherished Wife lets go of control and surrenders to love.– Natasha Koo
I used to micromanage Jachym all the time. I’d tell him what to order at a restaurant. I’d tell him how to put his bath towel away. I’d tell him when his outfit wasn’t quite alright.
It wasn’t fun for me and neither was it for him. In fact, this type of controlling dynamic took away all the intimacy and passion between the two of us. The romance is gone and was replaced by a power struggle.
I learned the hard way to respect Jachym’s judgment and leadership. This guy is smart. He has his own way and ideas of doing things. He sees the world differently and that’s a good thing!
When I didn’t give him the time of day nor the respect to be the man that he’s meant to be, I’m suffocating his strength and masculine expression. So I slowly started to surrender. I opened up to my husband and let him lead me for once.
The result was magical. It brought the passion back into our relationship. Our attraction grew and I became more and more proud to be his wife. Because here was a man who was leading and guiding us towards a beautiful relationship because he can.
Jachym, in turn, also became more attracted to me. He absolutely loved it when I let him lead and the genuine trust and respect that he felt from me.
There’s nothing quite as enticing than a woman who lets herself go in her man’s presence. When you fully open yourself up and let your man lead, you’re telling him that you totally trust him. This kind of openness brings out the best in your man.
In our The Cherished Wife Program, we help women step into their feminine essence. We show you how you can drop the guards around your heart so that your man is inspired to serve you with his strength.
He wants to be your hero. He wants to see you happy and satisfied. But it’s up to you to relinquish control over him and embrace your essence. If you are ready to unleash the goddess within, head over here to reserve your seat now.
6. Show Respect By Speaking His Love Language
We all have different ways of receiving and expressing love. Showing respect to your man means that you’re familiar with his love language and you’re willing to speak it for him.
Natasha’s love language is acts of service but mine is physical touch and quality time. Before we knew that, we constantly would run into trouble. We’d both feel neglected. I know that when I speak Natasha’s love language, it’ll make a big difference for her.
It’s a sign of respect to make a conscious choice to show your spouse love in a way they understand it.
7. Show Respect By Receiving
Are you busy doing it all?
There’s no room for you to receive. You’re too busy giving. Often, this kind of giving is rooted in fear. It’s rooted in not wanting to lose control. By allowing your husband to step in, you’re showing him that you trust him and his capabilities.
Will he do things your way? Nope.
Will he make mistakes? Yes.
But he won’t ever be able to support you if you don’t ask for it. However, don’t confuse asking with nagging. When you ask, you become vulnerable. You say:
“Honey, I can’t do this by myself. I need your help.”
Do you see how you’re showing him that you need him? It’s so different than saying:
“Why is the trash not out? How many times do I have to ask? You do realize it doesn’t grow legs?”
This way of talking to your husband is just going to drive him away. To receive means to open yourself up. It means that you stop being a ‘superwoman.’ It means that you acknowledge that you need your man.
8. Respect Him in Your Mind
Respect doesn’t start with the words you say. It starts with how you see your husband. If you think that your husband is:
You’re not going to show him respect. That’s why in our The Cherished Wife Program we help you to change how you view your husband. You have to see through all the negative stories you’ve created about your man and start seeing him again for this wonderful, unique human being he is.
How to Respect Your Husband Without Being a Doormat
Won’t I just become a doormat when I respect him?
No. The opposite.
You’ll become the Cherished Wife that he loves to wake up to. You’ll become the wife that he can’t get enough of. You’ll be the wife that he wants to make extra time for.
You might feel terrified to let go of control. I know that I certainly did. But remember, the power struggle isn’t actual control. When we disrespect someone, we don’t become more powerful. It’s when both of you are respecting each other that you become a power couple.
But if this concept is new to you, here are a few keys that ensures that you won’t become a doormat:
- Respect your boundaries
- Say no respectfully
- Learn to communicate your differences in a non-threatening way
- Show him vulnerably how his behavior impacts you
Respecting your husband starts with respecting yourself.– Natasha Koo
Being a doormat has nothing to do with respecting your husband. The reason people become doormats is because they are afraid of conflict. They want to please everyone at all costs. You can have a conflict with your spouse and remain respectful.
We all crave respect from others. And not just in romantic relationships, it’s a fundamental need. As social beings, we want to feel heard, seen and valued in other people’s eyes. When we don’t get that validation, it can make us feel insecure or even want to withdraw from the relationship.
Your husband might not seem like the most sensitive person in the world (or he may not communicate his emotions openly to you) but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel the subtleties of your interactions.
When it comes to respect, it isn’t just a foundational piece, but one that weaves through your marriage. It’s an indicator of what’s going on deep inside of you.
For example, your mental image of your partner might not be positive or healthy anymore. What you think about your partner influences how you interact with him. As sensitive individuals, we can pick up on the passive aggressive vibes or demeaning tones unconsciously.
Your disrespect for your husband could be an indicator that your desire to keep control and power within the marriage has gotten out of hand. For example, your lack of willingness to surrender and trust him can be interpreted as a sign of disrespect to him.
No matter what the culprit is, this is the perfect opportunity to dive in and take a real good look at why respect has degraded in your marriage. We get how this might feel like a daunting task. That’s why we created our signature Cherished Wife Program where we guide women like you to finally create an incredible marriage where respect flows naturally.
There’s no need to troubleshoot your marital problems on your own or to keep trying things that don’t work for your relationship. We have a simple 3-step process and it is the key to a marriage where you and your husband feel deeply valued, loved and respected. Click here to join the waiting list.
If you still have questions unanswered regarding respect in your relationship, check out the Frequently Asked Questions section below where we get to even more nitty-gritty details that might be relevant to you.
FAQ – What Should I Do?
How to Respect Your Husband When You Don’t
You are saying that your husband has to earn your respect. As long as you keep that view, you won’t respect him until he has done something that’s worthy in your eyes.
It’s like a doctor saying to you:
“You’re sick unless you prove me otherwise.”
No, you’re healthy and you have nothing to prove to your doctor. It’s the same with your husband. Here’s how you can respect him now:
- Look for what he does well now
- Cut out all the negative communication patterns that bring him down
- Tell him what you like about him
- Start changing your perception of him
- Question your own stories about your husband
Your husband might not live up to some standard that you’ve made up. But he’s amazing in his own right, you just have to drop the idea that he isn’t.
How Do You Respect a Disrespectful Husband?
When you feel disrespected, you might want to do the same to your man. Don’t. It just makes things worse.
You can still respect him in all the ways we’ve outlined above. You might be surprised what happens when you do that. But on top of that, you do want to let your husband see how his disrespect is impacting you.
You don’t have to put up with a disrespectful husband. Your husband can change for the better.
Respecting Your Husband When He Doesn’t Deserve It
In your mind, your husband is useless.
He doesn’t deserve respect.
Do you see how you have become the jury for your husband? You’re the one who assesses whether he’s worthy or not. The only way out of this situation is to challenge your thoughts. You are lost in your story that your husband is useless.
You can only start respecting him when you stop believing that your ideas about your husband are really him. They’re not. They are only ideas. Start doing some of the things that we’ve outlined above and see what happens when you start respecting your husband today.
The thoughts about our partner aren’t reality; they are only thoughts.- Jachym Jerie
How to Respect Your Husband When He Makes Poor Decisions
Do you want to be respected when you make a poor decision?
I bet you do. Why does respect need to be made into something you only give when your husband is perfect? You aren’t perfect yourself. Your husband will make bad decisions. That’s part of being human.
At least he had the courage to make a decision. You see, right now you’re stuck in blame. You’re blaming your husband for making a bad decision. Guess what? He did the best he could at this point in time.
He didn’t make a bad decision on purpose. It turned out to be a bad decision. Drop the blame, and you’ll be able to respect your husband.
In our The Cherished Wife Program, we show you how you can get rid of blame for good. You don’t need to let this poison your relationship. After all, blame has nothing to do with love; it’s rooted in fear. The more you align yourself to love, the less blame you’ll have towards yourself and others.
You can have the dream-come-true marriage. It’s up to you if you want to take the first step now.
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