Sweet touches that feel like pure love, care and deep afffection.
Loving gazes that say: I’m here for you.
Flirty exchanges that invite you in for more.
Where have these signs of affection gone?
If you’ve been with your partner for a while, the sizzle that first came with the honeymoon might have worn off. This can leave you feeling rejected and alone. Maybe you’re even doubting your compatibility.
If that’s what you’re going through, we’re with you 100%. When you’ve lost your husband’s affection, it can feel like a total defeat. But this isn’t a failure. It’s an opportunity for you and your spouse to get back to a great place. For you to form an incredible connection that’s even better than the honeymoon.
Want to create an exceptional bond again? Yearning to know how to get your husband’s appreciation and affection back?
Read on to understand what has gone wrong and how to fix your relationship for good.
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Can a Marriage Survive Without Affection?
Can you survive without affection?
Do you actually want to be in a marriage without affection for the rest of your life?
I bet you don’t.
And you don’t have to be. You don’t have to compromise your life away. I know, it may be scary to be truthful to yourself and admit that you really do miss affection and that you don’t want to keep going with having no affection anymore in your marriage.
This is always the first thing we help women acknowledge when they sign up for our flagship coaching program The Cherished Wife. Without this acknowledgment, you don’t have the necessary juice to truly make the change in your life and relationship.
The next question you probably have is this one:
Why Isn’t My Husband Affectionate Anymore?
Is there something wrong with me?
Am I not attractive enough?
Does he not love me anymore?!
Most of these thoughts will fall into the category of you not being good enough. These are destructive thoughts when you take them seriously. You’ll start to feel:
- Not good enough
If only you knew why your husband isn’t affectionate anymore, at least you could do something about it.
There could be many reasons why your husband isn’t showing affection anymore; we’ll cover some of the main ones here. If you find that it isn’t just affection that’s missing but you feel that there are other needs that aren’t being met, than read this article: 10 powerful signs that your needs aren’t being met.
He’s Stressed Out of His Brain
If he has a demanding job and you have kids, there’ll be a lot of demands he has to meet. Stress – in other areas of our lives – often spill over into our romantic relationships. Rather than seeing his lack of affection as a sign that your relationship is in trouble, it’s a sign that you need to reassess how you do things.
He’s Mentally Unbalanced
Your man could be:
- Constantly anxious
- Using drugs
Just because you met a healthy and mentally stable man, doesn’t mean he still is. The lack of affection could be a sign that he’s going through something. Often people don’t realize they’re depressed until it gets very bad.
He’s Watching Too Much Porn
We don’t believe that porn is healthy. Never in human history were we able to access so much explicit content so fast. As this article tells us, there are various studies that show that porn does affect the brain (reduction in grey matter). It also makes a case that we get desensitized when we watch porn and then need ever increasing higher stimuli. This can be detrimental for a relationship. Porn can get us out of sync with reality and we lose touch with how real intimacy feels and looks like.
He Feels Pressure to Perform
How many times have you brought up the topic of not having enough affection?
Countless times, I bet.
Well, chances are it didn’t work.
Because your husband feels the pressure to live up to your expectations. That’s not really the right state of mind to put your husband in for him to become more affectionate with you. It actually has the opposite effect of what you want.
He Shows Affection in Different Ways
You might show affection through:
- How you look at him
But he might show affection by doing something for you or giving you a gift. The way we express and receive love isn’t universal. We all have different love languages.
He’s Not Used to Being Affectionate
Men grow up with the message that they should be strong, which usually means:
- Don’t cry
- Don’t show emotions
- Just toughen up
It’s not a good message because it makes men suppress their emotions. Affection, as much as it’s done with actions, is shown through emotions. It’s by being in touch with your tender, vulnerable self that you truly can become affectionate.
But there’s hope because you can melt his guard down with your own vulnerability.
You’re Driving Him Away
I know this reason isn’t what you wanted to hear, but we have to mention it: How you’re showing up in the relationship might turn your husband off.
Make sure that your communication is healthy and that it doesn’t include:
- Making demands
All of these are counterproductive to drawing your husband closer. Instead, they push him further away from you. The very act of you asking for more affection regularly could be driving your husband further away.
If you’re about to throw your hands up in the air because you don’t know what to do, wait, we’ve got you covered.
Our flagship program, called The Cherished Wife, is an in-depth guide to your man’s mind and heart. You’ll discover the habits that are destroying your relationship and how you can get rid of them. We then show you what habits you can learn to turn your man on and become irresistible to him.
No more begging for affection! Apply here now to schedule a call with us to see if you’re a good fit. We’re only accepting a limited number of people to ensure we can deliver the highest quality service possible.
Other Reasons Your Husband Shows No Affection Anymore
We cover a few more reasons in depth but first let’s give you more potential explanations for the lack of affection by your husband:
- He’s cheating
- He’s showing affection in a way you don’t understand
- He’s tried to show affection in the past but has felt rejected
- The relationship isn’t satisfying to him anymore
- He doesn’t know what affection you need
- Other things in life have become a bigger priority than the relationship with you
- He’s taking you for granted
As you can see there are many possibilities for the lack of affection from your husband. But don’t worry, even if you don’t know the exact reasons, there’s still a good chance you can fix it. We’ll cover that later in the article.
What Does It Mean if a Man Is Not Affectionate?
It means many things as we’ve shown you above. But one thing is for sure, you can change this dynamic for the better for good.
Let’s look more closely at different ways of showing affection and the reasons your husband doesn’t do what you’d like him to do.
What Are The Reasons My Husband Won’t Touch Me?
One potential reason could be that you have different love languages. For you, physical touch could be really important, while your husband shows love through acts of service. Knowing the five love languages can be really helpful to navigate this mismatch and know how you can fix it.
For the longest time, Natasha and I had a mismatch in love language. I prefer physical touch while she favors acts of service. No matter how much time she dedicated to the household and taking care of us, it didn’t translate into love and affection for me.
I, on the other hand, felt the lack of physical intimacy and thought she didn’t care enough for me. It is only through talking about how and when we feel most loved, that we realized our differences. Now that we have a common understanding, we both cherish our quality intimate time a lot more.
Natasha is happy to put in the extra effort and time to be intimate and affectionate because she knows how much it means to me. In turn, I feel much more appreciated and a deeper connection with her.
Sometimes it can be as simple as getting clear on your love language and communicating those differences and preferences. But another reason for lacking this specific way of showing affection could be that he’s not attracted to you anymore. This might sound like your worst nightmare, but stay with us.
Just because things are this way at the moment, doesn’t mean that it needs to stay like this forever. We promise that there’s a way out. You can feel desired, attractive and loved again.
You might be missing some key information. Or there might be some simple changes in your relationship dynamic that will make all the difference. Want to find out what it is that you need? Keep reading to find out how you can turn this around and inject that much-needed affection back into your marriage.
What Are The Reasons My Husband’s Distant?
Beyond what we’ve covered before, your husband could be distant because you’ve hurt him recently. Some people tend to withdraw when they get hurt while others seek to talk it out. His being distant could be his coping mechanism.
Another reason could be that he’s trying to emotionally punish you. This behavior is common when you have a passive-aggressive spouse. If your husband isn’t passive-aggressive, he probably isn’t trying to punish you.
3 Reasons Why Your Husband Won’t Kiss You
1. He doesn’t like kissing.
What?! Yes… some people don’t like kissing and hugging. I know it’s hard to imagine, at least for me.
2. Bad body hygiene
I know it’s not a pleasant topic. But if you smoke, don’t brush your teeth regularly or just simply have bad breath, it might be a turn off for your husband. The good news is that it’s easily fixable.
3. He feels anxious about it
If you haven’t kissed for a while, he might feel nervous and awkward about it. He can start overthinking it, making it even worse for himself.
Puh. That’s a lot of reasons for the lack of affection from your husband. But what good does it do to know all of these? They might just contribute to you overthinking your relationship and doubting yourself. That’s why we don’t stop here, but go further to show you what you can do about it.
How to Cope With No Affection From Husband
Coping doesn’t lead to thriving. Wanting to thrive and letting go of coping will.– Jachym Jerie
Yes, please! Coping is only a short-term solution. It puts a bandaid on something that needs to be addressed. You’re looking to cope because you’ve lost hope. But we’re here to tell you that there’s hope! You absolutely can fix your marriage and bring back the intimacy, love, and connection you so crave!
That’s why we’ve created The Cherished Wife Program: a clear roadmap that takes you from fighting enemies to lifelong partners.
Imagine what it feels like when your husband longingly gazes at you. When he looks at you, like you’re the only thing that matters to him right now.
Does it make your heart skip a beat? Great! We can show you how you can get that and more! Apply here to get your relationship back on track today.
How to Deal With a Husband Who Doesn’t Show Affection
My husband isn’t showing me affection anymore. If you’re like me, this situation can really make your mind spin. All you can think of is:
- How do I win back my husband’s affection?
- Maybe it’s not worth it.
- Does he have someone else?
- Am I not attractive enough?
- Am I not good enough?
- Maybe I should quit?
- What to do when my husband shows no affection?
All of these thoughts are understandable, but they don’t solve nor do they address the issue. But what will? Let us show you:
1. Own Your Emotions
Your mind can’t heal your heart. Only the heart knows how to heal itself.- Natasha Koo
Your mind is spinning because your heart is hurting. Most people recruit their mind into trying to protect themselves from emotional hurt. But the mind isn’t capable of this task. That’s why it spins. Want to stop the spinning?
Dive deep into your heart. You feel neglected, abandoned, and worthless. Own that. Don’t look away, don’t sugarcoat it, don’t make it into a bigger thing than it is. Just feel it.
What you’re feeling are lies your mind’s telling you. It’s impossible to be worthless. But if you don’t confront the emotions and the thoughts behind them, you won’t see through the illusion yourself.
But don’t worry, you’re not alone in this. That’s why we created The Cherished Wife Program. We know how intimidating it can be to really feel. We have personally struggled to be really honest with ourselves.
But you don’t have to struggle like we did. We’ve taken all the wrong turns for you so you don’t have to. That’s how we know exactly how we can guide you to an Exceptional Relationship.
We show you how you can be with yourself so that you won’t feel abandoned anymore. We teach you how you can communicate with your husband so that he finally gets you.
You can do this! With our help, it’s a matter of taking the right steps and following a blueprint that works.
2. Don’t Complain to Your Husband
But I have to tell him what I need.
Do you really? What if you don’t?
Well, then he won’t get it.
Has it worked telling him?
Then why do you think doing the same will yield different results?
What you need to do is to stop making it into an issue. By now, he probably feels pressured to be more affectionate towards you which is exactly the opposite that’s needed for affection. Instead of hearing what you need, he probably is hearing that he’s not good enough of a husband. It’s all contributing to the negativity you don’t want to have in your relationship.
If you’ve been telling your husband that you’re not getting enough affection for a long time, you might want to skip the next section and see what you can do instead (See: How Do I Make My Husband More Affectionate).
How Do I Tell My Husband I Need More Affection
Assuming you haven’t beaten the topic to death and you’re wanting to make an attempt to communicate to your husband about what you need, here’s what you can do:
1. Make a Request, Not a Demand
What’s the difference between the two? A request is something the other person can say no to. A demand doesn’t give that option. Here’s how you can make a request:
Honey, do you remember how we used to cuddle in the morning? I love feeling your touch and your arms wrapped around me. I feel a bit lonely lately because you’re working a lot. I know, work is really important to you and I truly appreciate what you do for us. And I’d really love it if we could spend some extra time this Sunday morning in bed together. It would mean the world to me.
Here’s how the demand would go:
I miss cuddling with you. Cancel whatever you have planned for Sunday. We are spending all day in bed. And if you don’t, you can come and pick up your things and leave.
Which one would you respond well to? The one where you’re threatened if you don’t comply or the one where you can say no to?
Making demands just doesn’t work well, especially when they’re interlaced with threats.
Do you want more practical ways of communicating with your husband? Head over here to the conflict and communication section of our blog.
2. Stay Away From Blame
No one enjoys being blamed. If you want more intimacy and affection from your husband, adjust your communication to be more loving and kind. Here’s what not to do:
You don’t love me! You’re always busy. I’m always last. I feel so miserable because of you. I wish I had never married you. Is it so hard to just give your wife some affection? Like, do I have to teach you? Are you really that immature? You didn’t have that kind of problem when we first met…. It makes me so sad.
Instead, you want to communicate like this:
Honey, I feel lonely lately. I know you’re quite busy with other things. I just wish we could spend more time together. I feel like we’re just going through the motions of life at the moment. I miss the moments we’ve shared in the past where you’ve just gazed into my eyes for hours.
You’re so important to me and I feel like we’re drifting apart. It scares me. I don’t want to lose you. How do you feel about this?
Why does this work?
- She’s vulnerable and shares how she feels.
- She brings up sweet memories.
- She shows that she’s scared to lose him.
- She expresses a wish (this wish was vague, but good enough at this point)
Vulnerability is going to activate your husband’s protective instinct, while blame will drive him away. Which one do you prefer?
In The Cherished Wife Program we show you exactly how you can talk to your husband so that he wants to take care of you and fulfill your desires. You don’t have to nag, complain or blame to get what you want.
Imagine how it feels when your husband sweeps you off your feet, spins you around and tells you how much he loves you after all these years. You can have that even if you feel like you’re just roommates, living separate lives.
But it isn’t easy to do all by yourself. That’s why we want to help you. Head over here and apply to work with us today.
How Do I Make My Husband More Affectionate
Your husband can’t resist your feminine power. But most women are scared to really be feminine.- Natasha and Jachym Jerie
You don’t have to tell your husband.
Yes, communication is an important part of a relationship, but it’s not everything. You have a much more powerful tool at your disposal: your desire.
Men want to make their wives happy. Yes, they really do. But they don’t and won’t do it when they feel they’re not appreciated or respected. Which is why we keep telling you that you have to get rid of the negative communication patterns.
You’re not showing your husband respect when you nag, blame, and criticize. Instead, you’re putting him down. That’s the exact opposite of what you want to do. What’s the way out?
Here’s what to do when your husband is not affectionate:
Be Happy Yourself First
Guess what’s really really sexy? Your joy and happiness.
If you’re constantly finding things that aren’t right, you become no fun to be around. You weren’t like this when you first met. You were probably:
- Having fun
- Making jokes
- Being silly
- Enjoying life
Guess what will draw out more affection from your man? When you stop worrying about a million things and start enjoying yourself first.
BUT I CAN’T! The house will fall down.
No, it won’t.
Yes, some things won’t get done. Yes, there’ll be a transition period where both of you will have to figure out how to manage the household differently. But if you don’t change, you just keep heading down the same path you have been so far.
You’ll end up living separate lives, barely showing any affection towards each other. It really is a sad place to be in.
But you don’t have to go that far, and if you have you can come out of it again. It starts with you having fun in life again. You need to put yourself first.
Create an Emotionally Safe Space
Affection is a matter of the heart.
As long as your husband doesn’t feel like he’s fully accepted as he is, he won’t give you what you long for.
Because he’s busy protecting himself. For now, put your well-meaning intentions of how to make him a better man on the shelf and start accepting him as he is. This is the first step to take care of any negative communication patterns like:
Your husband will never initiate affection as long as these patterns are still in place in your relationship.
Stop Mothering Him
Who did everything for your husband before you met him?
Will he be all affectionate and romantic towards someone who he associates with a mother figure? Nope. Which is why you really need to change how things are done at home. Doing it all isn’t serving your husband, you, nor the relationship. If anything, it builds up resentment and depolarizes the relationship (meaning all the attraction goes out of the window).
Respect Your Husband as a Man
You most likely don’t have the best picture of your husband right now. You could even see him as useless. I know I did…
Your husband isn’t stupid and he knows when you look down on him. He knows when you don’t appreciate him anymore. It’s heartbreaking to him. He married a girl that adored him and now he’s with a girl that sees him as useless.
Would you want to be affectionate with someone who most of the time seems to be unhappy about their life, their partner, and how things are going? No.
If you’re picking up after your man, you’ve become his mom. Stop it. You don’t want to have a parent-child relationship. Instead, you want to bring that wonder and awe you once felt when you met your husband.
Your man is strong and capable. You might not see it right now, but he has it in him. You didn’t marry him because you saw him as a weakling. No. You married him because you loved him and couldn’t get enough of him.
Start looking for all the good qualities he has and tell him what you appreciate about him. You might need to look hard at first because you’ve trained yourself to only see the negative. But the good is still there.
The good news is that your husband will change when he feels your appreciation again and he’ll want to reciprocate and show you his love as well.
Use Your Desire
Your man wants to see you happy.
He wants to please you. But he needs guidance from you. He can’t read your mind. So many women try to push their husbands to things for them. We have a better idea:
With your desire.
Let him know what you want. Show him what makes you happy. Be vulnerable and open with him. Rather than criticizing him for not being home enough, let him know how you’d enjoy spending a night with him together.
Showing your desire pulls your man towards you.
Because you’re at ease with yourself. You’re willing to go through the world with an open heart. You’re willing to show all of yourself to your husband. And you’re so soft yet incredibly powerful at the same time. That’s what will make your man go crazy over you.
We reveal the 3 pillars of becoming an irresistible wife here.
Relinquish Control Over Your Husband
Many women are micromanaging their husbands. Before you know it, you have a man at hand who can’t make a decision by himself anymore because he’s afraid of your wrath.
He’s become reliant on you to tell him what to do. Again, you’re back to a parent-child relationship. You’ve effectively brought out the boy in him. But you can reverse it. How?
Ask yourself this:
How would I behave if I would date an amazing, strong and powerful man?
Then start behaving like that. Your man will change when he’s being called to take care of you rather than report to you. Your man wants to be your hero. But he can only be that if you allow him to. You need to let yourself go and trust that your man will step up to meet the new challenges.
I know it can be scary to let go. After all, you’re seeking control because of fear. But as we teach in our The Cherished Wife Program, you either choose fear or you choose love. Your marriage is struggling because you have chosen fear.
Marriages need love to blossom. Fear kills them. All the negative patterns in a relationship are based on fear. The good news is that when you come back to love, it’ll totally transform your life for the better.
We’ll guide you in The Cherished Wife Program to make this transition. We’ll help you to rewire your brain so that you see your husband as a hero again. We’ll help you to let go of all the negativity and start choosing love.
You’ll be well equipped to let go of control and start embracing the exciting life of being a Cherished Wife. You’ll be free to have a wondrous life with an amazing partner that other women will envy you over.
But the only way he’ll become that is by you changing first.
We all want the fireworks. That heart-thumping love that makes us come alive. The type of bond that makes life so invigorating. That’s why you got together in the first place, isn’t it?
But when you’ve been in a committed relationship for a while, things might feel stale and stagnant. The good news is that you have the tools at your fingertips from this article to really make a difference in your marriage.
Fact is, you don’t have to stay as roommates or even strangers. You can rekindle the spark that you originally had. But that requires action-taking, especially the right action that can pivot your affection and intimacy back on track.
Want to make the biggest differences in your relationship today?
Want to fill your heart and body with that beautiful, satisfied and cherished sensation?
Go to the section that resonated the most with you in this article. Pick one to two action steps to apply today in your marriage. Stick with it for a week and see the difference that it can make.
Changes are possible. Relationships can be healed. But that is only possible when you start taking on new ways of being and interacting with your husband.
If you need more guidance, check out the Frequently Asked Questions regarding affection down below.
Tend the fire of your love.
Nourish the spark.
Enjoy the power of an Exceptional Relationship.
FAQ – What Should I Do?
My Husband Rejects Affection
I know how much rejection hurts. It’s like a knife in your heart. You feel like you’re not loved anymore. Even if your partner says that they love you, you won’t feel it because of the feeling of rejection.
But even if your husband is rejecting affection right now, there’s hope. But it requires you to open your heart again. When you get rejected, you want to close down and protect yourself. That instinct is counterproductive. Yes, take your time to be with yourself and your hurt. But there comes a time when you need to turn towards your partner again.
The more you close your heart to love, the more you’re hurting yourself. The protection mechanism is actually what’s hurting you. Be brave and learn to open your heart so that it can truly heal.
My Husband Doesn’t Like to Kiss
Yes, there are people who don’t like kissing.
What you can do is to make up a game where you explore with each other what he likes and doesn’t like. It’s like a treasure hunt.
Also, he’ll be much more responsive to explore kissing when you’ve implemented what we’ve outlined above. The more you’re serving him, the more likely he’ll want to do the same for you. Relationships are about service, not about taking.
My Husband Is Affectionate But Not Intimate
It’s good that your husband is affectionate. That’s one way of being intimate with each other. If your husband isn’t having sex with you, there can be various things at play like:
- Anxiety to perform
- Negative experiences in the past
- Lower libido
- Frustration about the relationship showing itself in the bedroom
Whatever is going on, putting more pressure on your husband won’t be useful. You can see if he’s willing to talk about it. But some men aren’t because they’re not used to opening up about their feelings.
The best thing you can do is to create a space of emotional safety. A relationship where both of you feel free to really be yourselves instead of having to perform for each other. That means you need to also look at your own insecurities and how you’re playing them out in your relationship.
The more at ease you are with yourself, the more likely you are to create a relationship that’s deeply fulfilling and satisfying.
My Husband Withholds Affection as Punishment
There’s a difference between being unable to be affectionate after an argument and withholding affection on purpose for punishment. If you find that your husband often withholds affection after some minor disagreements, you might be dealing with a passive-aggressive man.
People who are passive-aggressive don’t have the mature capacity to deal with emotions and conflict. This leads to them agreeing to things that they really don’t want because they’re afraid of the potential conflict.
The issue isn’t the withholding of affection. The issue is that he’s passive-aggressive. It’ll take a good amount of patience and willingness to help your man through this. But what we’ve outlined above will still be effective because you’ll be helping him see himself in a more positive light.
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