‘My husband doesn’t meet any of my needs.’ I say to my bestie, frustrated and with tears in my eyes.
‘We love each other and I thought we were great together. But… I think my husband doesn’t fulfill my emotional needs. Half the time, I feel abandoned but he doesn’t really care. What should I do?’
If you wanted to say to share those thoughts with your best friend, but never got the courage to, then take a deep breath. Because we’ve got your back.
In the darkest moments of our own relationship, we really didn’t feel that our emotional needs were met. Add that on top of unresolved conflict and communication issues, we had a real mess to figure out. But the key thing is that we did find our way. It led us to the Exceptional Relationship Formula™.
So if you’ve been wondering: ‘How do I get emotional needs met in my marriage?’ You’ll get the answers that you need plus more in this article. Ready to get clarity on why your emotional needs aren’t met and what you can do about it? Let’s dive right in.
If you just want to get your husband to be more affectionate with you, head over here.
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6 Reasons Why Your Husband Won’t Meet Your Needs
.To become a Cherished Wife, you need to cherish yourself first.- Jachym Jerie
There are various reasons why your husband won’t meet your needs, some of them include:
- He doesn’t know them.
- He doesn’t know how to meet them.
- He doesn’t realize how important they are to you.
- He doesn’t want to meet them.
- He believes that if he’d meet your needs he’d lose something himself.
- He can’t meet all your emotional needs.
Of all these reasons why your husband won’t meet your needs, there’s one that we hear the most:
My Husband Doesn’t Understand My Emotional Needs
This phrase is used a lot. But we have to be discerning to make sure we’re not jumping to conclusions. Just because he isn’t meeting your needs doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand them. As you see from the list above, there are six other possible reasons why he wouldn’t meet your needs.
Emotions are internally generated, they’re not given to you through objects or actions.- Jachym Jerie
For the sake of the argument, let’s assume your husband truly doesn’t understand your emotional needs. If that’s the case, you have two choices:
- Help him understand.
- Meet your emotional needs through other means.
We’ll discuss both options later in the article. But please know that communication isn’t always simple. People often think they have expressed themselves clearly, just to find out later that the other person didn’t get it at all.
Jachym and I had such a misunderstanding once. I was at work one day but I didn’t feel quite right. I had a hunch that it was an impending urinary tract infection (and I know how painful things can become when untreated). So I sent Jachym a quick message to ask him to make me some of the bladder cleansing herbal tea for when I get home.
On the commute home, I was getting more and more anxious. I didn’t want things to get worse and hoped that the hot cup of herbal tea would help me a little bit before I went to the doctor. When I got home, I was shocked to see that Jachym didn’t prepare the tea at all. I felt so disappointed and thought that he mustn’t care for me.
‘He already knows that I’m not feeling well! How can he ignore that one request? If he doesn’t even care about my health, I sure can’t mean much to him.’ I think.
Jachym defended himself by saying that he didn’t think that the tea would do much at this point. And that the doctor’s appointment has already been made, so I will get the care that I need.
Although that made logical sense, what I needed was the emotional comfort of Jachym caring for me. The cup of herbal tea that I requested was a symbol of that.
This is one of the reasons why needs can become a sticky topic for many couples. The issue can go beyond the task or act of service that you’re asking from your partner. It may have a deeper meaning for you which requires proper communication. What if you have communicated your emotional needs clearly, yet they’re still not met? Read on to find out what to do in that situation.
He Can’t Meet All Your Emotional Needs
You want your husband to be:
- Emotional and soft
- Someone you can trust
- Someone who gets things done and is decisive
- Someone who’ll listen to you for hours
Look, your husband can’t be all of these things. Neither can you be all of the things he wants you to be. In today’s society, we are worshipping superwomen and supermen. They don’t exist.
It’s an illusion.
When you’re trying to get all your needs met through one person, you’re putting unnecessary strain and expectations on the relationship.
Rather than trying to get all your emotional needs met, create a social network that can cover some that your husband can’t. That’s why you have friends and family. Appreciate what your husband can do, instead of bringing him down for what he can’t do.
What Happens When Your Emotional Needs Aren’t Met?
Is it a big deal if your emotional needs aren’t met?
Because you’ll be unhappy and run in danger of meeting your needs in unhealthy ways. For example, you could be looking for physical intimacy from your partner, but you’re not getting it. What’s the way out? You might cheat.
But doing that will hurt your partner and you in the long run. It’s an immature reaction. What would be a mature reaction? To seek a resolution with your partner and to put all cards on the table.
You still might end up sleeping with someone else, but your partner will know it because you have been fully transparent. Most likely, he’ll want to do something about the situation before you do that.
We’ve written up another article for you where we explore how you can transform the lack of emotional support from your husband into love, rather than it becoming destructive.
You’ll Resent Your Partner
Not getting your emotional needs met can lead to resentment. But most people are unaware of that. Instead, the resentment seeps into the relationship like a poisonous gas. Before you know it, you’re bickering, nagging, and blaming each other for no real reason.
Happy people are far less likely to engage in this kind of negative communication behavior. That’s why it’s vital that you take care of yourself first.
In The Cherished Wife Program we help women to do just that. By loving yourself, you transform your relationship for the better. Gone will be the days of feeling neglected, not good enough, and undesired. Instead, you’ll bring back the passion, love, and deep connection you once shared.
So many couples get stuck in the resentment cycle and don’t know how to get out of it. Resolve your conflicts and find out how to get your emotional needs met in a healthy and sustainable way. Find out more by applying for it today!
You won’t feel valued by others if you don’t value yourself.- Natasha & Jachym Jerie
If you want to know more what happens when your emotional needs aren’t met, than read this article here. It’ll show you the 10 powerful signs your needs aren’t being met and how to get clarity on the needs that you do have.
Now that we have a clear understanding of why your husband won’t meet your needs and what happens when your emotional needs aren’t being met, let’s see what we can do about it.
What Do You Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Meet Your Emotional Needs?
It’s not hopeless.
You can have the ‘dream-come-true’ marriage!
All it takes is a clear roadmap for how you can get there. That’s what we’ve created with The Cherished Wife Program. Gone is the guess-work. Gone are the days where you feel lonely despite having a man in your life.
You can reclaim your power today and create a relationship that you simply love to wake up to. You know the relationship that other people envy you for. They’ll think: ‘How does she do it?! Why can’t I have such an amazing relationship like her.’
If you want that incredible of a relationship, then apply here now and reserve your spot for the The Cherished Wife Program.
How Do I Get My Husband to Meet My Emotional Needs?
We can’t get what we’re not ready to receive.- Natasha Koo
The very first step to achieving anything in life is to become clear with what you truly want. So take a piece of paper and answer the following:
What are my emotional needs?
If you’re struggling with this question, head over here to find a list of needs. You can’t have someone meet your needs if you don’t know what they are. Your husband isn’t a mind-reader. Unless you show him how you’d like to be treated, he won’t do it. If he did, you wouldn’t be reading this article.
If you need a little bit more help with identifying whether your needs aren’t being met, this article is for you.
Once you have a list, it’s time to be honest:
Is your husband really the one to meet this or that need? If not, it’s better to find other ways to meet your needs. As we’ve mentioned before, your husband can’t be everything for you. You’re better off using his strengths than to demand things that are very hard for him to do.
How to Communicate Your Needs
Once you’re clear on what your needs are, it’s time to communicate them. Here’s what not to do:
I’m freaking sick and tired of you watching TV. Hello?! I am here! What do I have to do to get some attention in this household? Seriously, are you even capable of love? You sit there like a rock. I must have married a statue.
How could I have wasted my life on someone like you? You really are useless.
Why does this not work?
You’re not communicating what you need. You simply are attacking your husband, belittling him and making condescending comments. It’s a sure-fire way to derail your marriage further.
Here’s what to do instead:
Her: Honey, I feel really lonely lately.
Her: I know you have a lot on your plate, it’s just that I miss my strong man next to me. You know we used to have a few hours in bed together, but nowadays we don’t really do that.
Him: Yeah, you’re right.
Her: I’d love it if we could spend Sunday morning in bed together and not have any phone or other disturbances around. Would you be open for that?
Why does it work?
- She’s stating how she feels.
- She’s acknowledging that he has a lot to do at the moment and tells him what specifically she misses.
- She is making a request he can accept or reject.
The clearer you are on what you want, the better you can communicate it. It’s that simple. And yes, it takes courage to be vulnerable and admit that you need something from your husband. But it’s vulnerability that has the key to strengthen your relationship.
Let’s not stop here. We want to make sure that you don’t just get a nice morning cuddle on Sunday, but a deeply fulfilling relationship that makes your heart skip a beat.
Create An Exceptional Relationship
An Exceptional Relationship takes an exceptional commitment.- Natasha & Jachym Jerie
As long as you settle for ‘good enough’, you won’t get great. You don’t have to settle. Instead, you can create a relationship that truly fulfills you in all ways.
How do you do that? Get a piece of paper and write down:
- What’s my ‘dream-come-true’ marriage like?
- How would that make me feel?
- Who would I be as an empowered wife who’s deeply satisfied?
If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.- Lewis Carroll
Are you clear on it? Make sure that you literally feel a pull towards this kind of relationship and lifestyle. If it’s something that doesn’t inspire you, you haven’t gotten it. You want to feel your whole body saying ‘hell yes!’
Don’t censor yourself in this process. You want to lay it all out on the table. Forget about what people say is ‘normal’. Guess what? Normal isn’t exceptional!
If you want an Exceptional Relationship you have to go beyond the norm. Redefine what’s possible for you and your husband.
Now that you’re clear on it, allow an image to arise that has the essence of what you’re striving for. Keep coming back to this image, it’s your destiny if you allow yourself to create it.
In The Cherished Wife Program, we go even deeper into creating your ‘dream-come-true’ relationship. Each step forward towards an incredible marriage becomes clearer and more tangible with every powerful tool that you learn. For example, we give you meditations that get you to align yourself with what you want. The problems that once seemed so confusing will begin to make sense.
As you grow more confidently as a woman and connect to your true and authentic self, you’ll become the wife every man would love to have. A wife your husband can’t resist.
You won’t be asking yourself anymore:
- What do I do when my husband doesn’t meet my emotional needs?
- How do you get your needs met in marriage?
- How to get your husband to meet your emotional needs?
Instead, you’ll be basking in delight as your husband takes care of you and cherishes you. The change starts with you today. Are you ready to have the best love that you’ve only dreamed of? Then apply here now.
You and your husband can be compatible. You can even have a great foundation to your marriage. But if you find that your emotional needs aren’t met, it can shake everything up, making you feel uncomfortable and unsure about your relationship.
Whenever couples face difficulties and hardships, most begin to question themselves and their relationship. When in reality, what helps the most is to get the right tools and resources to address those issues. It isn’t a sign to throw in the towel. It isn’t the time to retreat and try to solve everything on your own.
This is the moment to come together as a team and really hone in on your honest and transparent communication. It’s a chance for you to get to know yourself better and share that part of you with your spouse.
It is a learning process and we’ve outlined so practical steps that you can take. Take a moment to really envision the relationship that you want. Then go for it. Allow your intention to guide your actions. When you get off course, you can get back on again.
But reach for that Exceptional Relationship. Aim for a love that is healthy and fulfilling. Reach out for professional help if that’s what you need. Because at the end of the day, your needs are valid and important. Respect and value yourself and you’ll build a happier life and marriage.
What Are Emotional Needs in Marriage?
This is an interesting question. Needs are generally looked at as essential for survival like:
Food, shelter, safety, sex etc.
But when you look at a broader definition like the needs defined by Maslow, you’ll see that when the basic needs are taken care of, higher needs come up. In marriage, the following needs could be covered:
- Sexual intimacy
- Respect from others (like your husband)
- Sense of achievement for creating a great relationship
- Feeling validated
- Feeling seen and understood
- Sense of belonging
Not everyone puts the same value on each of these needs. This means that you need to know where you have your differences.
What Are Examples of Emotional Needs?
Emotions are generated within each individual. That’s why they aren’t as graspable as physical needs. Your husband might feel respected when you cook him dinner. You might feel desired when he brings you flowers.
Neither of these activities has an inherent quality of ‘respect’ or ‘desire’. Both of you are making this meaning up unconsciously. To make things a bit more complicated, these ways of making meaning can change over time as well. Which is why it’s important to stay in touch with what your spouse values.
Emotional needs often cover things like:
- Sense of belonging
- Feeling understood, heard, seen, validated
- Feeling safe
- Excitement (passion, adventure etc.)
We can’t give you concrete examples of emotional needs, because of the fact that emotions are always internally generated. Your mind makes sense of your physical sensations and gives meaning to them. That said, pay attention to how you respond to certain actions and you’ll find out how your system works.
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