He isn’t tidy enough.
He’s working too much.
He’s not attentive enough to your needs.
Wouldn’t it be great if you could just change your husband’s behavior?
Well, we’ll be addressing the question ‘How to change my husband’s behavior?’ in this article. And all it takes are 6 simple steps. Keep reading to find out what they are.
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I Want My Husband to Change
I bet he wants you to change as well. It’s human nature that we want the world and people to be the way we want them to be. If only he’d:
- Help more in the household
- Pursue you more
- Gave you more attention
- Made you a priority
- Stopped watching TV
- Take more initiative
The list is really endless. Why is that? Because our mind can create any scenario and think we want our spouse to be that way. Sometimes these ideas come from movies, books, friends, and your past experiences.
Now, before we dive into how to change your husband’s behavior, let’s look at why you want it.
We are always evoking a certain behavior in our partner. What are you evoking in yours?- Natasha and Jachym Jerie
Why Do I Want to Change My Husband?
Let’s be honest here.
You don’t want to change your husband for his sake, you want to change him for your sake. Just check-in with yourself:
How would you feel when your husband would make the desired changes?
I bet you’d feel better like:
- Good enough
Again, the list can go on. But what’s important is to notice that you want to feel a certain way and that’s why you want your husband to change.
So it’s about you and how you want to feel.
Now, the good news is that you can feel all of that no matter whether your husband has changed or not. If anything, you’re much more likely to have him change when you’re not depending on him to feel this way.
Because he’ll know that you’re trying to manipulate him just so that you feel better.
Please keep this in mind:
As long as you place your happiness at the mercy of your circumstances, you’ll always suffer and be unhappy.
So make sure that you do the inner work first before you try to change him.
The more you embody the feminine, the more you inspire him to show up fully for you.- Natasha Koo
Will My Husband Ever Change?
The short answer is maybe.
On one hand, we are always changing and evolving, and on the other hand, we are creatures of habit.
So will your husband ever change? He might not if you’re sitting there keeping your fingers crossed. Instead, you want to be proactive rather than leaving it to chance.
The good news is that your husband is influenced by you and you’re influenced by him. This means that the way you show up in the relationship directly impacts him.
How Do I Know if My Husband Will Change?
You sat him down and you asked him to change. He said yes and now you’re wondering whether he’ll actually change.
While it’s possible to get your husband to change his behavior by simply asking for it, it’s much more powerful to inspire him to change. That won’t happen through rational conversations. Instead, it needs emotions, vulnerability and a willingness to treat him differently.
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. What I’m trying to say is that you need to stop focusing on him and whether he will change, and start taking an active role in facilitating his change. Then you’ll realize that the question ‘Is it possible for my husband to change?’ answers itself.
How Can I Get My Husband to Change?
Let me tell you a secret.
You already have.
Your man is behaving differently than when you first met. We change when we enter a romantic relationship.
Because we are influenced by someone else’s thinking and behavior. It’s normal that we change. Rather than seeing your husband as this unchangeable thing, change your mindset. See that you have the power to influence him and that you already have done it.
The less you see him as a ‘I need to fix him’ project, the more likely you’re going to see success with your endeavour.
As long as you use force to change your husband, you’re not going to succeed.- Jachym Jerie
1. Understand the Male Psychology
Men and women are different.
If you don’t understand how he works, you won’t be able to influence him. What’s important for a man?
- Seeing you happy
Now there’s more to this as well, but this is enough for now. Here’s the thing, you want to change your husband but you’re approaching it in a way where he feels:
- Like his freedom is being challenged
He’s not going to change. You can try as hard as you want but he won’t budge. But if you learn how to respect his core drives and help him realize that the change you desire is going to give him even more of what he wants, you’re much more likely to succeed.
In our The Cherished Wife Program, we take an indepth look at these core drivers and how you can use them to improve the relationship.
2. Stop Trying to Make Him Change Through Telling Him
So many women get this wrong…
They think they have to talk it out with him. So they sit their husband down and tell him what they want to see changed. He might even agree but then… nothing.
Because your man needs to feel you. When you just ‘talk’, you’re only engaging his logical mind. What you really want to do is learn to express yourself fully with your body. You want to show him how his behavior impacts you now, and you want to show him how much it pleases you when he changes it.
Remember: your man wants to see you happy. No man has ever entered a relationship because he wants to make their woman miserable. We men thrive on seeing you fulfilled and satisfied. It lets us know we’ve done a good job.
You’re completely sidestepping this mechanism when you only talk with him.
Now let’s dive into the behavioral change.
3. Identify the Behavior You Want to Change
What do you want to change about your husband?
Be specific and clear.
For example: I want him to spend more time with me.
That’s not specific enough. What is ‘more time’? Does that mean he is with you every Sunday? Or that you have dinner together twice a week?
Be clear on what ‘more time’ actually means.
Now you probably don’t want him to just spend more time with you. You most likely want him to be excited to spend more time with you. And that he takes the initiative and plans things for you. Do you see how much clearer it becomes when you know what you actually want?
It’s important that you don’t just focus on the negative like:
I want him to work less.
There’s no juice in this. He works less and then what? But when you draw a picture in your mind where you see him excited to be with you and taking action to plan a date night, it suddenly is much more appealing.
Refocus your attention on what you want and the rest will follow.- Natasha and Jachym Jerie
4. Become Aware How You React to His Behavior
He works late again.
What do you do?
Text him 10 times? Then give him the cold shoulder when he comes home?
Become aware of how you react. Don’t just stay on the surface of your reaction. You want to feel it in your body and how you express yourself. It takes a little bit of time and awareness to see your reaction.
One of the most important aspects to become aware of is how your body feels. It’s the reaction in your body and changing it that can have the biggest impact.
5. Change Your Reaction
Your current way of reacting has not worked. So it’s time to change it.
This will depend on what your current reaction is. But here are a few guidelines:
- Don’t tell him off, instead, show him your hurt by being vulnerable
- Stop making a huge deal out of his behavior and explore why he does it in the first place
- Start stating your desires with emotions rather than just telling him
- Learn to keep your body open rather than contracted when you communicate to him
Now, there’s a lot in each point we could unpack. However, that’s beyond the scope of this article. You can reach out to us for more specific help you need.
6. Become More Enticing for Your Husband
Underlying all of what we’ve shared is one fundamental principal:
Your husband desires your feminine energy and wants to be with you because of it.
The more you can become a conduit of your feminine core and express it in your life and your relationship, the more your husband will become responsive to your needs and desires.
The more you are contracted and in your masculine, the less responsive he’ll be.
Master the embodiment of your feminine energy and you’ll become irresistible to your man. And that’s not just sexually. He’ll want to please you and fulfill your wishes because he’s inspired and enticed by them.
Men have started wars because of women. Let that sink in. That’s the power you have when you unleash it. Then the question isn’t anymore ‘How do I correct my husband?’, but it becomes:
How do I inspire my husband to bring out the best in him/us?
We’re constantly influencing each other. Use your influence for the greater good of the relationship and not for your own personal gain.
If you are only interested in changing your husband’s behavior for your own convenience, you’ll eventually run into trouble.
Sometimes you’re better off finding the blessing in his behavior rather than trying to change him.
You may have more specific questions, which is why we compiled a few here. Be aware that your specific situation may require a different solution.
How Can I Change My Lazy Husband?
Being ‘lazy’ is really quite a broad statement. It artificially creates a standard for how much someone should work. So rather than focusing on his actions, focus on his energy.
When I hear someone say that they have a lazy husband, I hear that they have a husband who isn’t driven by a mission or a purpose.
What do you do to change your lazy husband? You follow the 6 steps we’ve outlined above. In this specific case, your reaction will probably be:
- Judging him
- Telling him to get off his ass
- Being on top of things because he isn’t
You want to stop all of these. Judgment gets you nowhere. Telling him to do things and being on top of things for him simply puts you into his mother role. You don’t want to be there.
Instead, you want to start:
- Taking care of yourself
- Appreciating what he does well and voicing that
- Respecting him
These three changes will help to start shifting things.
How Do I Know if My Husband Has Really Changed?
If you’re asking this question, your husband has probably broken your trust through cheating or lying.
When your trust is broken, you don’t want to just forgive him and move on. The way most people see forgiveness is through the lense of ‘forgetting.’ That’s dangerous. You don’t want to forget.
You want to let go of the emotional baggage but incorporate the wisdom you’ve gained through the experience. Without this crucial step, you might just end up in the same situation. So rather than asking: how do I know if my husband has really changed?, ask yourself this: What have I learned from this experience and how do I want to move forward?
My Husband Refuses to Change
Yes, because you’re asking him to change.
Stop trying to make him change and start inspiring him to change. But you’ll only start inspiring him, when you change yourself.
You need to drop the ways you’re trying to make him change now, and adapt a more enticing and inspiring approach. Just like you could hit your children to drive home a lesson, you can find other ways to learn what truly shifts their behavior.
It’s the same with your husband. Nagging, blaming, attacking, and shaming don’t work. They’re the verbal version of hitting that you apply to your husband. Not only that, they’re also based in fear, which is poison for a relationship.
Rather than using these negative communication patterns, realign yourself to love, rediscover your feminine essence, and start showing up in your relationship in a way that inspires him.
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