Why do we keep fighting? How do I stop this emotional spiral?
Do you ever find yourself regretting the things that you’ve said after fighting with your spouse? You’re in the right place, because we’ll be showing you the exact key steps to turn things around.
How to apologize to your husband after a huge fight:
- Understand what really happened
- Know your part in the fight
- Forgive yourself and your husband
- Learn from the experience
- How to say sorry
Even if you often have emotional arguments, these five practical steps can help you to heal and move your relationship forward away from drama to more love and understanding.
Why repeat the same mistakes when you can avoid them altogether? Find out what you need to do exactly to get your marriage back on track. Read on if you want to know how to reconnect with your spouse after a big fight.
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Understand What Really Happened
Your heart is racing.
‘Take a deep breath’: you say to yourself.
But it’s hopeless. As if you’ve lost complete control of your body and emotions, words tumble out of your mouth.
It’s another impulsive jab at your spouse.
In a split second, you see the hurt in your partner’s eyes which quickly turn into anger. Their jaw clenches, ready for another snarky comeback or a cold withdrawal from you. The fight helplessly spirals down an unhealthy path.
We get it.
We’ve all been there.
Emotions take over and the fight tears the two of you apart. You say things that you will later regret. We’ve all done it; it’s part of being human.
Sometimes a fight can be so fast and furious that you don’t really know what’s happened. That’s why the first step of how to apologize to your husband is to get clear on that.
Take a sheet of paper and answer the following:
- What’s happened?
- What did I feel before the situation escalated?
- What was I thinking before the situation became heated?
- What did I say or how did I behave that I now regret?
It’s okay if you don’t know the answer to all those questions. Just do your best to reflect on them.
We need to process the fight and bring awareness to what has caused it. Whether it was jealousy or something else, if you have no idea what the problem actually is, how can you find a solution?
Sometimes we’re so quick to take on a relationship tip without properly applying it to your specific situation. We’re here to bring about long-term change. Who wants to apologize to their spouse again and again? Let’s stop this negative spiral so that you can patch things up with your partner for good.
We’re building the foundations of a healthy and lasting marriage. So take a good look at the questions above and spend some time answering them. Because it’s one of the puzzle pieces that you’ll use later on in this article.
Know Your Part In The Fight
A part of apologizing to your husband after a huge fight is to own your part. A situation needs two people to escalate. How did you react to your husband that made the situation get worse? The more clearly you can see your behavior, the better you can address it.
We’re with you…
We know that it can be uncomfortable to reflect on your wrong doings. It’s not pleasant to realize that you’ve acted up. So why do it? Because it can save your marriage.
As long as we don’t know how we contribute to our relationship, we have no control over the relationship. If we choose not to look at our behavior, repeating the same mistakes will be inevitable. Creating an exceptional relationship will be near impossible.
How are we so sure?
Imagine trying to get somewhere, but you have no awareness of what your legs are doing. If you don’t have that feedback and information, how would you know where you’re going?
No wonder you feel lost and confused! You don’t have what you need to turn things around and set yourself to reach your destination. You’ll never get to where you want to go!
The same goes for your marriage. That’s why it’s crucial to learn this skill of self-reflection. By understanding how you’re contributing to the fight, you’ll recognize what’s helpful and what’s not. Admitting your mistakes will bring you closer together. It shows that you have the emotional maturity to really look at yourself and heal your hurt.
Exceptional relationships are made of conscious decisions. Intentional behavior starts with self-reflection. As long as you don’t understand your behavior and part in the relationship, you’re leading blind. You’ll create and sustain fights without even knowing why or how it all started.
When you can’t admit your mistake, you keep the pain in place and you’ll make the same mistakes again in the future. Apologizing to your husband after a huge fight can stop future arguments from happening.
Forgive Yourself And Your Husband
It really does.
All you do is hurt each other. It doesn’t resolve anything. Yes, conflict and disagreements are part of a relationship. But fighting is an unhealthy way of addressing them.
A lot of times, there are underlying causes for a fight. For example you or your husband might have unmet expectations in your marriage. If that’s the case those need to be addressed.
You can’t forgive yourself or your husband if you don’t understand what’s fueling the fighting. When you try to forgive before you understand, you’re running the danger of simply repeating the same pattern again.
So if you want to forgive, ask yourself this:
- What’s beyond the anger and frustration I’ve experienced?
- What would happen if the issue doesn’t get resolved my way?
- What does this issue represent for me?
Answering those questions can help you understand what’s really going on. It’ll lay fertile ground for talking to your husband about your marriage to restore joy, love and respect.
Imagine how your marriage could blossom when both of you are on the same page. How would you feel when you know he has your back?
It’s possible. You can have a marriage where fighting is a thing of the past. You can feel the love and passion you once had for each other.
The path towards that is to forgive and grow together. Positive changes can’t come if you keep repeating the same mentality, behaviors and patterns. So dive into the questions from above, knowing that you’re doing the best thing possible for your life and your marriage. Things can change and it starts with you right now.
Learn From The Experience
Your relationship can be a place of growth and inspiration. A place where you feel safe and deeply connected, yet free at the same time.
How do you have such a relationship?
All it takes is a willingness to look at your behavior fully and learn from it. You know we all have our wounds and insecurities. But just because you have them doesn’t mean you need to keep them.
When you feel hurt, frustrated, or even angry, it’s an invitation to go deeper into yourself.
- What’s asking for your attention?
- What’s behind all those surface emotions like anger and frustration?
It takes courage to look but you can do it. You’ll build the relationship of your dreams by not avoiding your feelings, actions and your past.
How Can We Handle This Better?
The learning doesn’t just apply to you, it’s for both you and your husband. When you get together, reflect on the question above. What can we do so that we don’t lose control and end up hurting each other in the future?
A good way to prevent fights from escalating is to have an imaginary scale. Ten is when you’ll be at each other’s throat; one is when you’re really relaxed and happy. Take a break when you start going over five. You may have other suggestions like:
‘I’m really emotional at the moment. Do you have the capacity to just listen while I vent?’
‘Whenever we discuss the issue about sex, I get really emotional. Why don’t we take this talk slow and take breaks in between?’
‘Could you help me understand what you’re trying to say? Whenever we speak, all I hear is criticism even when you’re not criticizing me. It would be really great if you could be patient with me on this topic.’
An Exceptional Relationship takes an exceptional commitment to love.– Natasha & Jachym Jerie
This self-reflection as you work together is a great step forward. Another way is to learn how you can improve your communication. As things get heated, maybe your husband gets defensive, that’s why it’s important to learn how to communicate without fighting.
How to Say Sorry
Now that we’ve covered all angles, here are a few practical examples of how you can say sorry:
Her: ‘I’m sorry for what happened last night. I got overwhelmed with my emotions. I felt attacked even though you were trying to set things straight. I’ve spent some time reflecting on what’s happened and I’d like to discuss with you about how we can make sure things don’t spiral out of control again like yesterday.
- She says she’s sorry.
- She explains what happened.
- She shows that she’s not just saying sorry but that she has actually taken time to explore what has happened.
- She wants to discuss with her husband how they can avoid the same mistakes in the future.
Never forget the nine most important words of any family: I love you. You are beautiful. Please forgive me.– H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Her: ‘Last night wasn’t our brightest hour. I feel like we’ve both said things that we don’t want to. At least, I’ve done so. I’m sorry. Our relationship is really important to me and I want to clear up any bad feelings we might have for each other because of what happened.
I know this issue is a sensitive topic and so I’d like to see if we can set some ground rules that’ll help us navigate through this. Would you be up for that?
- She brings up that both of them have been out of line.
This one needs to be used carefully. If you know your husband would agree with you, then it’s a good idea to use it. If you don’t know whether he sees his own mistakes yet, be a bit careful. That’s why she is talking from her personal experiences: ‘At least, I’ve done so.’
- She apologizes.
- She states how important the relationship is
When you’re hurt and you fight, you can lose sight of the basic fact of why you’re even together.
- She knows the issue that led to the blow up isn’t an easy one to discuss.
- She asks for ground rules before they even touch the subject again. This will ensure that both of them feel safe in the conversation.
We get it. It’s not fun to fight, nor is it nice to have to apologize afterwards. But what you have before you is the opportunity to turn things around.
Yes, you can rekindle the love and respect you have for each other.
Yes, you can have productive conversations that bring you closer together.
Yes, you can move forward and create a bright and happy future together.
You now have the five key steps to heal and move on to a better place. What can you do right now to save your marriage? Face your fears and understand what really happened by reflecting on the questions we’ve given you.
You can do this.
Fights don’t have to wedge you two apart.
Healing from this can actually get you on the same page again.
Trust yourself and dive deep into what you know is right. You have to face what has happened so you can forgive both you and your partner.
Connect to courage.
Let go of the fight.
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