Coming from the confessions of a nagging wife, I know how frustrating it feels to keep nagging at your spouse.
It’s like you have a vision of how things should go but your husband just isn’t on board. You feel the weight on your shoulders and can’t help to nag until things get done.
But deep down, it doesn’t feel right. You know that it’s not how you should be treating each other in your relationship. You keep thinking, ‘how do I stop nagging my husband?’ What’s the alternative? We have the answers and much more in this article.
Find out how we got rid of this dysfunctional nagging pattern permanently in our marriage and how we now communicate and help each other out. Want a beautiful relationship where you bring out the best in each other without the nagging? Read on to find out.
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5 Signs of a Nagging Wife
Have you ever been told by your husband that you’re nagging him? Did this come as a surprise to you? You aren’t alone. Many wives don’t realize that they are nagging their husband in the first place. Let’s first find some common ground on what nagging is.
What’s Considered Nagging?
Here’s a definition that we’ve taken from lexico:
“(of a person) constantly harassing someone to do something.”
When done constantly and delivered in an annoying manner, a simple request turns into nagging.
Now that we know what nagging is, let’s look at the five signs of a nagging wife:
Sign #1: You Keep Asking Your Husband to Do the Same Thing
You ask him not once, but 10 times, to take out the garbage. If it hasn’t worked the first two times, why should it suddenly work when you keep bringing it up?
The issue with nagging is that it’s dysfunctional. It doesn’t get the job done how you think it would. Instead, it makes things worse and can push your man further away from you. That then leaves you feeling abandoned, neglected and unsupported.
Sign #2: You Get More and More Irritated as Things Aren’t Done Your Way
When you have to keep reminding your husband about the same thing over and over again, you’ll probably get pissed. Who likes to tell anyone the same thing five times? No one. It’s not like you enjoy nagging him, it actually sucks.
If you find yourself getting more and more irritated, chances are that the way you deliver your request will sound and seem more and more like nagging. Why? Because often, the tone of our voice and our body language carry more weight than our words.
Sign #3: Your Husband Is Becoming Rebellious
No one likes to have a nagging wife as their partner. Since most people don’t know how to communicate when something is off, they usually retreat. If your husband is becoming more distant, rebellious, and fights back to your requests, it might be a sign that you’re nagging him.
Sign #4: You Keep Complaining About Your Husband to Other People
Do you catch yourself complaining to your friends about how your husband isn’t helping enough in the house? Are you hearing yourself say things like:
- He’s treating me like a maid.
- He just doesn’t help around the house.
- He’s such a slob!
Chances are that your frustration with him is finding its way into how you’re communicating about him to other people. The way you see him directly impacts how you communicate with him and others and before you know it, you’re nagging him again.
Sign #5: Intimacy Has Gone Out the Window
You’re feeling emotionally neglected, frustrated, and angry. Sex isn’t happening as much anymore, if at all. The more you try to manage the household, the more you seem to find yourself alone in this battle.
Stop. Take a moment to reassess. Maybe, the way you’ve been doing things isn’t helping. Maybe it’s time to find another way to be in your relationship so that it rejuvenates you instead of depleting you.
Sounds like a dream? It isn’t. That’s exactly what we help women with in our Cherished Wife Program. We take women by the hand and help them create dream-come-true relationships even if they feel hopeless. We show them exactly how they’re doing things wrong and how they can correct them.
This program takes you way beyond just fixing your relationship – it’s here to help you thrive.
Examples of Nagging
Are you still unsure about whether or not you’re nagging your husband? Let’s give you some concrete examples of nagging:
Her: Could you please do the dishes?
10 minutes later…
Her: I asked you to do the dishes! Are you going to do them or not?!
Him: (reading the newspaper) Yes, I said I will!
30 minutes later…
Her: The dishes still aren’t done. You know they’re not going to wash themselves!
Him: Stop nagging me!
Why’s this nagging?
Because she keeps insisting that he does the dishes NOW. He said he’ll do it, but she keeps being on his case. Instead of trusting him and letting him do it when he will (after reading the newspaper, or watching TV), she keeps on checking on him.
Her: How many times have I told you to not leave your socks on the floor!
Her: Just put them into the bin where they belong! Is it that hard to grasp? Do I have to clean up your socks for the rest of my life?!
Him: Yeah yeah, I’ll do it (trying to avoid a conflict, so he says anything to get her off his back)
Her: You already said this the last time! I swear if you leave your socks on the floor again I’ll put them into your dinner next time!
Why’s this nagging?
She’s complaining to him about not changing his habits. She then threatens him instead of engaging in a productive conversation. If someone would attack you like this, would you want to change your ways? I’d feel like she wants me to be her clone rather than her partner.
Now you’ve a clear grasp on what nagging is, let’s explore why you might do it in the first place.
Why Do We Nag?
Do you like nagging your husband? Does your husband like to be nagged? No! Then why do we keep doing it?
Here are a few reasons:
1. He Does End Up Doing Some of the Tasks
While nagging is often a way of communicating with diminishing returns, it does produce some results. However, it involves a lot of emotional strain from your part. Eventually your husband gets so tired of it, he does the task just to get you off his back.
Because it seems to work sometimes, you stick to this behavior, despite it being unpleasant for you and your husband.
2. You Feel Responsible For the Household
Look at the things you nag about. Our guesses include:
- Washing dishes
- Bringing out the trash
- Folding laundry
- Mopping the floor
- Doing handy work in the house
- Hanging the towel after showering
- How the shoes are placed
- Planning time with the kids
The vast majority of nagging revolves around the household. They are practical things. Traditionally, the woman has been responsible for the household and the man has been responsible for making money. Times have changed, yet women are still expected to be more responsible for the household.
When you feel responsible for the household, you want to make sure it’s done to your liking. You care about how things are put away while your husband doesn’t. That leads to conflict and potential nagging, because in your view he’s diminishing the worth of what you’re doing.
3. Your Love Language Is Acts of Service
You feel loved and appreciated when your husband does things for you. It shows that he cares about you. If you have this kind of love language, you can feel rejected, unloved, and unworthy when he rejects your request for doing something in the house.
This can lead to resentment and you eventually find yourself nagging him, because what you’re asking for IS important to you.
Nagging in this case is almost a cry for love.
4. It’s Become a Habit
How we communicate with each other is often habitual.
- You ask the same questions when you see each other.
- You react with disgust when he does something you don’t like.
- He rejects your request to do something before you have even finished what you wanted to say.
Before you know it, you find yourself in a dysfunctional dance of nagging and defiance. It’s neither healthy nor productive.
Before you know it, you find yourself in a dysfunctional dance of nagging and defiance. It’s neither healthy nor productive.
That’s why we address these communication patterns in our ‘The Cherished Wife Program.’ It’s vital that you weed these negative communication patterns out of your relationship. They only give you very little reward for a lot of work. Instead, we teach you how you can communicate so your guy gets you and appreciates you.
But is nagging really THAT bad? Let’s take a closer look.
Does Nagging Kill Marriages?
It takes more than one thing to kill a marriage. Nagging comes with all sorts of other negative communication patterns like:
These four communication patterns do contribute to divorce as John Gottman has found out. That’s why you can’t isolate nagging by itself and say that it kills a marriage. Most of the time nagging is heavily interlaced with criticism which can wear people down over time.
It’s vital that you change how you communicate with your spouse and how you react when he communicates with you. Why? Because negative communication is destructive to your marriage and has the potential to ruin it for good.
Effects of Constant Nagging
To demonstrate the effects of nagging, let’s do a quick mind experiment:
In your mind, go back to when you first met. How did it feel? How did you treat each other? How did you speak to each other? You really want to get a feel of the flow of positivity between you and how good it felt.
Now imagine the last time you were heavily nagging your husband. Instead of you nagging him, step into your husband’s shoes and be the receiver of your own nagging. How does that feel? Is it as wonderful as the first memory? No.
That’s just a little taste of what nagging and all the other negative communication patterns do to you and your relationship. They are bad for the long term health of your relationship.
Why You Should Not Nag Your Husband
If you want to have a relationship where you feel:
Then you better stop nagging. Why? Because when you nag, you contribute to the negativity that’s present in the relationship. You can’t break out of the negative spiral with behaviors like these. Instead, you want to learn how you can turn things around for good.
Nagging is a Form of Abuse
We can take it further and say that nagging is a form of abuse. Why? Nagging often starts fairly harmless, but often can escalate to threats, contempt, and attacks. That’s a form of verbal abuse on your partner.
Natasha and I have committed to not let this kind of negativity be part of our relationship. What’s the result? Our relationship is better than ever. We’re stronger together than before and we notice how much these small side stabs actually hurt us.
When it becomes normal to nag, you often don’t know what the price is when you keep repeating it. For Natasha and I, it was very revealing and we couldn’t believe how much of a difference it made in our relationship. Nowadays it hurts a lot when we slip back into any of these negative patterns even just for a minute.
Do yourself a favor and get out of the negativity and back into love and empowerment.
Now that we’ve had a deep dive into all the different facets of nagging, why we do it, the effects it has on the relationship, your husband, and yourself. Let’s dive into how you can stop nagging today!
How to Stop Nagging and Get What You Want
Wouldn’t it be amazing if you don’t have to keep asking your husband to do something? He’d get it done before you even mention it. That’s possible when you become a synergetic couple.
What’s that? It’s a fancy way of saying that you and your husband have become an unbeatable team. You lift each other up. You feel inspired being around each other. You channel all your energy to create the life you truly want to have. But how do you do that? Read on to get started.
1. Stop Being His Mom
Who was it who asked your husband to clean up after himself? His mom. What do you think will happen when you start treating him like you’re his mom? You become his mom. And with that, out goes the passion and the love. Instead of seeing your man as:
you see him as:
That has to stop and it starts with you changing your mind’s view of your husband. Most people think that their partner has to change so that they can see them differently. We say that if you change how you view your partner, your partner will change too.
That’s why we focus on helping women reconnect to how amazing their partner really is. You see, you can either bring out the worst or the best in each other. Most people start their relationship by bringing the best out in each other and then it all goes downhill.
We help our Cherished Wife reconnect with the reasons that drew her to her amazing man in the first place. It sounds like hard work, but we provide guided audio meditations to help you rewire your brain in the way you see your man. Head over here to apply for it now.
2. Change Your Communication
You may think that after thousands of years of talking to each other, we’d be good at it. Well, we aren’t. Most people have very bad role models when it comes to communication. It’s not unusual to grow up in a household where:
Is normal. Natasha and I had to learn how to communicate with each other so that we actually got across what we wanted to say. We didn’t realize that we had these negative patterns in our relationship. But it isn’t enough to know what you’re doing, you also need to know what you want to replace it with.
3. Pamper Yourself
So many women are stressed out of their mind. Because they feel like they have to do everything, they end up burned out. “Well, yes! Because he isn’t helping!!!” I hear you. But here’s the thing:
If you do everything, he’ll never step in and take care of things. You already did it! Stop trying to control it all and start caring for yourself. When you’re happy, you’re less likely to nag and you’re more likely to charm him.
You don’t pamper yourself when everything is done. You pamper yourself first and let everything else adapt to that. If you don’t put yourself first, you’ll end up last.
4. Create Emotional Peace
Did you ever nag your husband when you were peaceful? No. You usually nag when you are distressed, frustrated, tired, and angry. That’s why creating emotional peace within yourself puts an end to nagging for good. Yes, part of that is to pamper yourself, but it goes even deeper than that.
What if you could stop fights before they even happen? That’s the power of creating emotional peace within yourself. It takes full commitment from your side. You have to own all of your emotions and heal what needs to be healed. When you do this, you can love and receive love even more. Instead of blaming your husband, you’ll experience deep love and connection again.
5. Unlock Your Feminine Power
A man wants a woman who sees his strength. A woman who trusts him fully and can let go in his presence. He can’t step into his power when you’re trying to control and mother him.
Being vulnerable with your husband will naturally draw out his strength. In our program, we help women connect back to their feminine essence so that life becomes more joyful, rejuvenating and fun again. This old way of being has to go as it doesn’t serve you or your relationship anymore.
Just like every behavior is learned and repeated. The behavioral pattern of nagging can shift too. Nothing we do is permanent as long as you become aware of your actions and choose to react differently.
Life can get frustrating and our marriage can sometimes feel overwhelming. But that’s why we’re in it, to go through the challenges and come out better and stronger together.
Pick one action item from the section above and apply it to your relationship today. You don’t need to wait for your husband to change. You have all the power and knowledge at your fingertips to change your marriage for the better.
There’s no need to nag when you see the power of your man.
There’s no need to control when you have the relationship of your dreams.
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