You want to be the woman of your husband’s dreams, both inside and outside of the bedroom.
But what if you fall short of his sexual satisfaction?
You might feel ashamed, inadequate or start to doubt your compatibility.
You can even be wondering if he’s turned to something or someone else instead of you to be sexually content.
If you want the answer to ‘How do I keep my husband happy in bed?’ then make sure to download our free Irresistible Wife Blueprint. It outlines the three essential pillars that make a relationship vibrant, connected and long-lasting.
You can regain the sexual dynamic that you’ve had before. Keep reading to learn how both of you can feel happy and satisfied in bed again.
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My Husband Is Not Satisfied Sexually
It hurts.
You don’t want to see your husband being unhappy or sexually frustrated. So you’re looking for help to keep your husband happy in bed. But here’s a little warning:
Do not try to keep your husband sexually satisfied at your own expense. This means:
- Listen to your body
- Respect your boundaries
- Communicate them
Yes, your husband isn’t sexually satisfied with you and hearing that can be a shock. You may even feel not good enough for him. But that’s ultimately untrue. You are good enough no matter how satisfied your husband is or isn’t.
Recognizing your own good enoughness is a vital step in the work we do with women. How could you create a fulfilling relationship if you’re stuck looking for validation? You can’t.
Why?
Because your premise is built on a lie. You can’t be good enough as long as you believe you’re not good enough. No amount of approval from your husband will fix that. When you see through the lie your mind tells you, you’re reconnected to deep love and appreciation for yourself.
But now we’re going off topic, back to your husband not being sexually satisfied. If you’re not sure whether he’s satisfied or not, we’ve written an article ‘11 signs your husband is sexually frustrated.‘ It’ll clarify this for you.
Then there’s another layer:
Social Conditioning
You feel like you owe him sex.
No, you don’t.
When sex becomes something you owe, it has become a commodity and not an expression of love. That’s a very slippery slope to be on, because you’ll end up just giving it to him so that he becomes happy. In this process, you’ll lose the joy of having sex yourself and it’ll become a chore.
But where does this idea come from that you owe him sex?
Society.
We get bombarded with ideas about what it means to be a good wife and how marriage is supposed to look like. But here’s the truth: there isn’t a box you have to fit yourself and your husband into. You create the marriage in whichever way you like.
So let go of the idea that you owe him sex.
However, do be aware that you’re the only one he can have sex with if you’re in a monogamous relationship. So let’s explore his side a bit more.
You don’t owe your partner sex. However, you do deprive them of it if you’re in a monogamous relationship.- Jachym Jerie
What Happens When a Man Is Not Sexually Satisfied?
There are many different responses that can happen simply because sex means different things to different people. Here are three rough categories:
Not Much
Sex isn’t that important to him. Yes, it would be nice to have it more often or do it in different places but he’s ok with not having it. The effects will be minimal on him.
He’s Hurt and Disappointed
There’s quite a few men who will fall into this category. For them, sex is closely tied to emotions and emotional expression. For him, sex also means:
- Deep connection
- Love making
- Communication
- Self-expression
When sex comes short, his way of showing you love is stunted. That can feel quite painful because he feels rejected. You might think you’re just rejecting sex, but in his mind you’re rejecting him and his love.
He doesn’t understand why you’re withdrawing from him. And if he doesn’t have emotional maturity, he won’t be able to sort through his feelings and communicate them. The result will be that he starts to withdraw, become distant, and refocuses his priorities to something else.
He’s Going to Die
That’s how he’ll feel. This can be because sex has a disproportionate importance to him. Whether that’s healthy or not is of course debatable. In his mind, sex will be tied to his self-worth. He will know that he’s:
- Worthy as a man
- Worthy as a lover
- Loved and appreciated
- Deeply desired by you
He needs sexual validation in order to feel good. When he’s dissatisfied with your sex life, it won’t be as much about you but about what it means about him. He’ll be doubting himself and his manhood.
Just to be clear: we’ve made these categories up to make a point. They do not reflect reality. Your man may have a mix of these things. But it should be clear by now that sex isn’t neutral in most people’s minds.
The sexual act is neutral. It’s the unconscious meaning we ascribe to it that makes it into something more.- Natasha and Jachym Jerie
It happens to the best of us…
We start doubting ourselves and the relationship.
‘Maybe we’re not made for each other.’
‘I’m just not sexy enough.’
These are just a couple of the thoughts that can arise. But what’s the real reason he isn’t sexually satisfied? Here are a few:
His Relationship With Sex Is Superficial
Many men don’t understand sex and intimacy. They think it’s about getting the deed done. They’re so obsessed with performance that they never dig deeper into what it’s really about.
Sex isn’t about rubbing your genitals together. It really isn’t. If it stays at that level it’s a disappointing encounter. No, sex is about connection. It’s about melting into each other. That’s when your soul gets nourished and sex becomes something that’s deepy rewarding.
But if he doesn’t know this, sex will remain superficial to him and ultimately not satisfying. It’s simply not enough. He does the deed, gets a high and before he knows it, it has worn off. That’s not nourishing, it’s really depleting.
He Has Unrealized Fantasies
His sexual dissatisfaction is an expression of him not being able to live out some of the kinks or fantasies he has. Maybe he’s craving for rough sex and all you two do is what he considers vanilla sex. He has all this energy pent up in him and can’t live it out with you.
The quality of intimacy matters more than the quantity.- Natasha Koo
He’s Looking for Fulfillment in the Wrong Place
Sex can feel deeply fulfilling.
It can feel like you’re at home with yourself. But ascribing this sense of:
- Fulfillment
- Aliveness
- Peace
To sex is simply wrong. Sex inherently has no capacity to make you feel anything. What creates the magic is what’s happening within you. How else do you explain that sex can both feel totally mind blowing and extremely disappointing? You can have these two opposing experiences with the same partner.
What gives meaning to sex is your mind. Most people don’t know this and therefore get hooked onto a certain activity. We think that doing that activity again and again will give us what we need.
But all this time we’re looking in the wrong place. At some point, sex and the other activites will lose their appeal. They don’t scratch the itch anymore. We get frustrated.
Why?
Because what seemed to work before, does not anymore. We may feel disappointed or even broken. But the truth is that we ascribed fulfillment to something outside of us. That’s an innocent yet really vital mistake.
How to Keep My Husband Sexually Satisfied
You want to see him happy and satisfied.
Good.
When your desire for pleasing your husband sexually is coming from a place of wanting to give to him, you’re in the right mindset. If it’s coming from a place of:
- Fear
- Feeling like you owe him
- Pressure
Then you need to address that first. You can’t truly satisfy your man from a place of fear or feeling like you just have to give it to him. On top of that, you’re also in danger of hurting yourself, your boundaries, as well as the relationship.
Please be honest with yourself and make sure that you’re coming from a place of love, abundance, and service that is heartfelt.
We are here to serve each other, not to take and demand from each other.- Natasha and Jachym Jerie
Fall in Love With Your Body And Sexuality
How can sex be satisfying if it’s not a celebration of your body, love, pleasure, and life itself?
It can’t be.
All you get are two bodies rubbing together. You want to keep your husband happy in bed and sexually satisfy him? Then you need to accept yourself and your body first. It’s only through acceptance that you can let your sexual energy invigorate your body.
You can’t exchange your energies when you’re contracted and tight in your body. You need to become loose, open, receiving, and at peace with your sexuality.
When you love your body, sensuality, and sexuality, your way of relating to your husband fundamentally changes. That change will show itself inside and outside of the bedroom. You’ll radiate with your feminine energy which will, in turn, be extremely attractive, seductive, and ultimately satisfying for your husband.
That’s what you can expect when you work with us. Because we don’t like to give you surface-level fixes. No, we want to dive deeply into how you’re showing up in your relationship. We want to help you come back to your authentic self where you’re not trying to protect yourself anymore.
Want a deeply fulfilling relationship that satisfies you both in every way? Head over here now to check out our The Cherished Wife Program.
Explore His Desires
How can you keep your husband sexually satisfied? By understanding his desires.
What is he into?
What are his fantasies that he might be afraid to share?
You want to take your time exploring these things so don’t rush the conversation. If anything, you want to make it normal to talk about sex with him on a regular basis. You can’t expect to have a fulfilling sex life if you can’t even talk to each other about it.
You two aren’t mind readers, so how do you expect your partner to know what’s good for you? You won’t.
When you know his fantasies, you have a choice:
- Make an effort to fulfill them.
- Modify them so you feel comfortable.
- Reject them.
You don’t have to fulfill all your husband’s fantasies. Please keep that in mind. We do encourage you to have an open mind and not shut him down right away. It can help you to discover new things as well.
Let Him Be the Hero
Sex starts way before you get into the act.
It starts with how you are around each other. So don’t look to just fix the sex part in your relationship. Take a good look at how you’re relating outside of the bedroom as well. As we’ve mentioned before, we don’t like quick fixes. We want you to have lasting transformations.
What’s contributing to a disappointing sex life?
There are a few things:
Mothering Him
A parent-child relationship is a sex-killer. You don’t feel attracted to your child, nor does he feel attracted to his mother. So make sure that you don’t fall into this trap. Here’s a few things that can be indicators that you’re treating him like a child:
- Picking up after him
- Asking him 10 times to do the same thing
- Telling him what to do with his life
- Carrying all the responsibility of the household
If you’re doing any of that, consider resigning from these jobs effective immediately. He doesn’t need you to be his mother, he needs you to be his lover.
You can be his mother or his lover, but you can’t be both.- Jachym Jerie
Controlling Him
Another sex-killer is when you try to control him. You’re basically micro managing him. You tell him how to:
- Do the dishes
- Do the laundry
- Wash his face
- Eat
How is he going to step into being a strong capable man, when you’re busy telling what to do? He won’t. If anything, he’ll eventually resign and just follow your lead. And you’ll resent him for that.
Why?
Because you don’t want to be married to a man who’s lost his edge. You want a man who’s strong and kind. What’s going to happen to your sex life when this happens? It’ll be thrown out the window because neither of you feels the attraction you felt before.
If you don’t want to fall into this trap, get our Irresistible Wife Blueprint. It will help you to become clear on what you need to do to change things around.
Now that you know what’s going wrong, let’s look at what you can do right.
Activating His Hero Gene
I know, you are fiercely independent.
Good for you.
And if you keep insisting that you’re independent and you shove it in your man’s face, he’ll feel not needed. Yes, it’s great to be self-reliant. But it’s not ok if it goes at the expense of having a fulfilling relationship.
The thing is that to have a fulfilling relationship you need to admit that you need each other. I know, it sounds frightening for someone who’s built their identity about being independent and not needing anyone. But it’s true.
You don’t need to become codependent, but rather interdependent. Acknowledging that you need your husband is at the heart of activating his hero gene.
We’re obsessed with independence and with it we sacrifice the richness a truly authentic relationship could give us.- Jachym Jerie
He Wants to Please You
Men want to see their women happy, satisfied, and fulfilled. Give him a chance to do that for you and he’ll be very happy. Not only that, he’ll also feel like he’s competent as a husband and lover. That’s really important for a man.
The more you let him please you by voicing your desires, the more you’re allowing him to be your hero.
Appreciate Him
Do not hold back your appreciation. Instead, make a habit of telling him what he’s doing great. It’ll help you see him in a more positive light, and it will help him feel like he’s doing the right thing.
Does it mean you can’t tell him what you dislike? No. But you don’t want to turn it into:
- Nagging
- Blaming
- Complaining
- Criticizing
These communication habits usually backfire and kill sexual satisfaction. Instead, you want to create a relationship where gratitude and appreciation is the norm.
Ask for His Help
Letting him be your hero means that you step back from doing it all and letting him know that you can’t do it. It’s that straightforward. If you build an identity around your independence, this will be difficult at first. But it’ll be really good for your relationship.
Why?
Because you’re showing him that he’s very much needed and that you allow him to be there for you.
In short, you’re showing him your soft side. You’re showing him that you can’t do it all. Doing this correctly can make a huge difference in your relationship and in your sex life.
Be Vulnerable
Just like you want to ask for his help, you also want to show him your vulnerabilities. Stop pretending that nothing hurts you. Instead, open up to him and show him the places you feel are the most fragile.
That takes courage.
But it’s so worth it. Nothing can bring you closer together than being fully yourself without any mask. No amount of sex can give you that. And the best thing is that it can make your sex life so much more fulfilling. You won’t be asking yourself anymore ‘How do I keep my husband happy in bed?’ because you can feel how good it is for him.
Taking off your mask and unguarding your heart are vital components to turning your marriage around and keeping your husband sexually satisfied. These things are cornerstones in the work we do with women.
Now that you know how to satisfy him sexually, let’s see how you can take it even further.
A woman who guards her heart can’t make love to her husband.- Natasha Koo
How to Make My Husband Cry in Bed
You want him to have the best sexual experience possible.
How do you please him to the point he cries in bed?
Here are a few tips.
1. Tease Him
Sex starts in the mind. You want to master the art of keeping your man on the edge. You neither want to tease him so far that he can’t hold it in anymore, nor do you want to tease him too little. You want to have him right on the edge.
You can tease him by how you:
- Look at him
- Speak to him
- Move
- Eat your food
- Dress
It’s about keeping it lighthearted and fun. Flirt with your man like it’s your first date. As with anything, you want to slowly build up rather than throwing yourself all over him.
Why?
Because when you build it up slowly, he’ll be desperately wanting you by the end.
The anticipation of sex can be more fulfilling than the orgasm itself.- Natasha and Jachym Jerie
2. Learn to Move Your Body
The better you can move your body, the more options you have to tease your man. You can do it through:
- The way you walk
- How you undress yourself or him
- How you move on his body
- How you touch him
All of these components involve moving your body. The better you control your body the easier it is for you to move it in a way that’s enticing and pleasant for you.
3. Enjoy The Entire Experience
The more into it you are, the more into it he’ll become. Your enjoyment of evoking all of this desire in him really helps the process.
Why?
Because you don’t rush it anymore. You love the foreplay and the teasing. You love moving your body and showing your sexual side to him. That in itself is extremely magnetic and enticing for him.
You add to the mix that you show him how deeply you desire him as well and you might just see his head explode.
4. Sex Is a Skill
Sex has many components to it like:
- Energy
- Connection
- Mood
- Communication
One way to look at sex is through the lens of it being a skill. Like any other skill you get better at it the more effort and intention you put into it. You can learn how to strip, how to use your mouth in wonderous new ways, how to move energy through your bodies etc.
You want to give your man an experience he won’t forget? Then put in the effort to become masterful.
The feminine is revealed in total surrender. Most women are scared to go there.- Natasha Koo
5. Give Yourself to Him Fully
It really is energetic.
He can feel whether you’re holding yourself back or whether you’re letting yourself go in his presence. There’s something extremely primal when you let go and you give yourself to him in that moment.
It can be deeply touching and at the same time an extreme turn on. But you can’t fake this. You either are ready for it or you aren’t. Just know that there are deeper layers to sex that can blow your and his mind that you can only access through surrender.
We get it. This whole topic is an uncomfortable one.
It can seem overwhelming despite the tips that we have given so far:
Getting in touch with your own body and sensuality can be frightening. So can the idea of letting go of the reins a little and letting your man lead you more.
If what we suggested are completely new to you and you have a hard time knowing where to begin and whether you’re doing it right or not, then please reach out to us.
We’ve been in your exact position before and can guide you back to a connected, vibrant relationship where you both feel fulfilled. Stop trying to figure things out on your own, doubting yourself and your relationship the whole time.
All it takes is for you to hop onto a call with us to find out the next step. You can do this and we’re here to help.
FAQ
How to Dress for Your Husband in Bed
What does he consider to be sexy?
Dress like that.
There’s a chance that what he thinks is sexy is outside of your comfort zone. But the sexiest you’ll ever be is when you feel sexy yourself. So you have two choices:
- Find a common ground.
- Go beyond your comfort zone.
When you go beyond your comfort zone, you want to be gentle with yourself. Don’t push yourself into it. Instead, you want to take it as an exploration why a piece of clothing is making you feel bad. Most likely you have some body image issues that are flaring up.
It can take a bit of work to address them, however, it’s well worth it.
Why?
Because it allows you to come into a fuller acceptance of yourself. And believe me, if you’d see yourself through the eyes of your husband, you’d be blown away by how sexy you look.
You’re always good enough. But you won’t see it if you identify yourself with your abilities and the opinions of others.- Jachym Jerie
Why Am I Not Enough Sexually for My Husband?
Here are a few possible options:
- You’re insecure about your body and it shows in your sex life.
- He’s a sex addict and you’ll never be enough sexually.
- The sex you’re having is superficial and lacks emotional connection.
- He has fantasies he hasn’t voiced.
- You have a mismatch in sex drive.
- He has gotten unrealistic ideas from porn that you can’t live up to.
- You’re not fully opening yourself to him and he feels that.
Whatever it is, there’s hope. All you need to do is to be honest and willing to do something about it.
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