Imagine coming home to a husband who’s strong and confident.
He takes initiative and gives you the feeling that he’ll always be there to take care of you.
You’re no longer picking things up after him. Your man’s leading you with his heart and guiding the two of you in a better direction. It just feels so good to be pampered and to feel his strength every day. It reminds you of the guy who you first fell in love with.
That’s what’s possible in a relationship when a husband feels valued and respected.
You dream of having that kind of relationship, but the reality for your now is constant wondering of ‘How can I boost my husband’s self-esteem?’
Good thing is, it doesn’t have to stay that way.
Want to know how you can boost your husband’s self-esteem? Keep reading to find out the secret to letting him be the capable, powerful man that he truly is.
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What Is Self-Esteem?
We found a neat definition here. To paraphrase it: self-esteem describes your subjective outlook of your overall worth and value as a person.
If your husband has a lot of negative thoughts about himself and he believes them, he’d be considered to have low self-esteem. The most important part is that you realize that self-esteem is based on beliefs about ourselves.
6 Clear Signs Of A Low Self-Esteem Husband
Does my husband have low self-esteem or not?
We’re giving you 6 signs that indicate that your husband is struggling with confidence. But please know that many people have some self-esteem issue in an area of their life. We’ll look at why that’s the case in more detail later.
1. He Puts Himself Down
This is probably a very obvious one. If your husband is saying:
- I’m no good,
- I’m so stupid,
- I’m not worthy of your attention,
- I’m just not good enough for the job,
- It won’t work anyways
- My life is just a series of failures
- You don’t really love me
Then he probably has low self-esteem. Most of the time, people with low self-esteem sulk and further put themselves down in an effort to get other’s support- strategies that tend to backfire and create more confusion.
2. He Puts You Down
When your husband has low self-esteem, he can feel a need to put you down.
Because it levels the playing field. He has a very fragile sense of self that is easily threatened by someone he perceives to be more powerful than him. By putting you down, he avoids the perceived danger that’s coming from you.
Most people aren’t aware of this dynamic because it happens unconsciously. This means that your husband probably isn’t putting you down on purpose, it manifests and he might know why himself.
3. No One Listens
People with low self-esteem usually have a hard time commanding other peoples attention. Is your husband someone who speaks but no one cares? Well, it might be a sign that he lacks the energy of a confident man.
People listen to someone who’s naturally sure and secure in himself. Someone who has low self-esteem won’t be able to capture people’s attention.
4. He Puts On A Show
But there are also people who are very good at faking it- they appear to be overflowing with confidence but are secretly struggling with insecurity. Them putting on a big show masks their self-doubts.
Your husband could do the same by:
- Living a flashy lifestyle
- Having an overly confident posture
- Bragging about how great he’s to other people
A confident person doesn’t feel the need to do these. They can if they want to, but they don’t do it to cover up their shortcomings.
5. He’s Overly Jealous
When your husband struggles with confidence issues, he’ll be much more controlling and jealous. Deep down he fears that you’ll see that he’s a fraud and then leave him. Therefore, he wants you all to himself.
When another man looks at you, he’ll be fuming with jealousy because he’ll feel threatened. But jealousy can also be a sign that he’s been cheated on in the past, and he’s trying to avoid it by being jealous.
6. He Doesn’t Want To Admit When He’s Wrong
The problem with self-esteem is that the person has a very fragile ego. In their mind they’re worthless, but at the same time they don’t want people to know that.
This leads to them defending themselves all the time. If he’s wrong and he knows he’s wrong, he won’t admit it.
Because he’s afraid you’ll see that he isn’t worthy. He doesn’t realize that his coping mechanism is actually worse and probably pushes you further away. It’s doing the exact opposite of what he wants (many coping mechanisms do that).
7. He Expects The Worst Outcome For Himself
If your husband is overly gloomy, it’s an indication that he might be struggling with low self-esteem. After all, if you know that you’re powerful and capable, you keep a positive outlook on life because you have an innate trust that you’ll be able to solve the issues at hand.
8. He Struggles To Accept Compliments
Low self-esteem is based on a negative self-image. For this image to stay intact, he has to reject or refuse to hear any positive feedback. If you’re finding your husband rejecting compliments, it’s probably a sign that he has self-esteem issues.
His rejection of the compliment might be non-verbal. Meaning, he doesn’t say it out loud but you can see that the compliment hasn’t really landed. He doesn’t believe that you really mean it. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him and his lack of self-esteem.
Is your husband struggling with self-esteem? Then you might be wondering what you can do about it. Some people advise that it’s better to just walk away from the relationship. We don’t believe that’s necessary.
In our The Cherished Wife Program, we dedicate a whole module on Getting Inside Your Man’s Brain. So often, we don’t actually know what our husband is thinking or feeling.
The better you understand what he’s going through, the greater the success of your relationship. That’s why we teach essential skills so that the distance and disconnection can be bridged between you and your partner again.
Stop wondering how to get through to your husband. There’s a proven roadmap to bringing out the best in your husband. You can join the waiting list to the Cherished Wife Program here.
How Does Low Self-Esteem Affect Marriage?
It really depends on the situation. Here are some things that can happen:
- He feels threatened by the feedback you give him.
- He doubts that you love him.
- He’s very easily offended.
- He thinks you’re eventually going to leave him.
- You argue with each other a lot.
- You feel like you have to be super careful what you’re going to say or do.
Low self-esteem will affect how he behaves around his friends. His performance at work is also at stake as having low self-esteem often leads to unproductive work behaviors.. The worst thing is, it’ll also impact your marriage. But it doesn’t have to stay this way.
Can A Man With Low Self-Esteem Love?
We often hear the saying. “We can only love someone as much as we love ourselves.” While there’s truth in that saying, it’s also incomplete. Your husband who struggles with self-esteem still can feel love for you.
But he can be so lost in his lack of confidence that he doesn’t believe he’s worthy of your love. He doesn’t think he’s lovable, and that will show in the relationship.
In short, your man won’t be able to express his love as fully as when he isn’t struggling with self-esteem issues.
Acceptance of yourself and your partner will change your relationship for the better.– Jachym Jerie
What Causes Low Self-Esteem In A Man?
Here’s a little secret:
Everyone has experienced low self-esteem. That includes you and the most successful people in the world. Ever had to give a speech or take a test and you thought you weren’t up for the task? You had sleepless nights doubting how it’ll go.
That was a moment of low self-esteem. The difference between you and your husband might only be that he has a more regular episode of low self-esteem.
Now yes you can say that he has low self-esteem because of:
- His upbringing
- Having been told over and over again that he’s useless
- Having had abusive parents
- Being bullied at school
- Having bad marks
The list goes on and on. But here’s the truth:
Your husband has self-esteem issues because he believes his thoughts are him.
Everyone who ever experiences self-esteem issues runs into the same problem as him. Whenever we struggle, we’re lost in the drama in our minds. We mistake ourselves to be the critical voice or the images we see.
Low self-esteem doesn’t exist outside of someone’s mind.
How To Deal With Low Self-Esteem Husband?
You are exhausted.
You’ve been trying to convince your husband of his worth since you got married. You can’t take it anymore. Luckily you don’t have to. Here are some practical tips for you before we dive into how you can boost your husband’s self-esteem.
Fear needs resistance to survive.- Natasha & Jachym Jerie
Don’t Buy Into The Drama
Your husband sees himself as worthless. You want him to stop believing that. What do you do? You try to convince him that he isn’t worthless with no success.
You’ve innocently bought into the drama. You validate your husband’s personal nightmare of worthlessness by trying to rescue him from it. Here’s the thing:
Your husband doesn’t need to be rescued. He’s only having a nightmare from which he can wake up at any time. But he’s less likely to wake up from it if you keep treating him like he has an issue. You validate his low self-esteem as an issue.
The best thing you can do is to not buy into the drama he’s created for himself. We’ll show you how to do that later on.
What Do You Say To A Man With Low Self-Esteem?
Are there some magic words you can say to him?
But here’s what you can do:
Listen. But don’t listen to:
- Correct him
- Be his therapist
Just listen to him as his companion. But don’t do anything about what he says. Instead, tell him, “I hear you.” Just let him know he’s been heard. You neither accept nor reject his point of view. You are there with him without being absorbed in the drama.
He says how useless he is, and you reply, “I hear you.”
Most likely you fought him on this before. But by doing that, you simply validated his position of being a victim- someone who needs help. When you say “I hear you”, you do not give him any resistance. You’re starving the pattern of energy by not entering the drama.
Please make sure you have the capacity to listen to him. If not, you’re better off not doing it. Also, make sure you do not fall into the role of being a therapist.
How To Make Your Husband Feel Confident?
You want to boost his self-esteem. After all, a confident man is a sexy man.
An insecure man really isn’t that attractive. If anything, it makes you want to nurse him and not be his lover. Not the best position to be in for creating a passionate, intimate, and empowering relationship.
Can you really boost his self-esteem?
Yes and no. Yes, because you can behave and be in a way with him that encourages him to change his perspective about himself. And no, because there are many more factors involved that are out of your hand. But we’ll give you the tips that’ll stack the deck in your favor.
1. Be Happy Yourself
How does a husband know he’s a good one?
By seeing his wife happy, satisfied, and content. You taking care of yourself lets him know that he’s doing a good job. When he comes home and you’re happy to see him by greeting him with a smile and a good kiss, his self-esteem will get a boost.
But that’s not the only reason why it’s a good idea to focus on your own joy and happiness.
The more you are aligned to being joyful, the less you’re going to buy into drama.
Because drama is rooted in fears and insecurities while joy and happiness is rooted in love ( joy is usually an expression of love for life ).
The happier you are the better it is for the relationship. You’re not giving the fears and insecurities any fuel anymore.
Being joyful is the most powerful catalyst to transform your relationship.- Natasha Koo
2. Ask Him For Help
You can boost your husband’s confidence by showing him that you need him. When you ask your husband to help you with carrying the groceries or some other task, you’re letting him know that you trust his judgment. You trust him as a man.
There’s something magical about becoming a woman who lets herself be carried by her man. It’s a signal that she acknowledges that they’re a unit. She needs him, and he needs her. It indicates profound interdependence- that they’re better together.
That’s the kind of shift we help women in our The Cherished Wife Program. What happens then is that the passion, romance, and deep intimacy becomes revived.
Because you’re stepping into your feminine energy while he’s stepping into his masculine energy. These two polarities attract each other which is where all the passion comes from.
We get it. But it can be scary to make this shift, as you’re letting go of control. You can get all the support you need from us. Just head over here and secure your spot now.
3. Don’t Mother Him
A man feels more confident the more he can rely on himself. This means that you need to stop doing things for him. You’re not his mother, and by doing things for him, you’re validating his view that he’s weak and useless. In other words:
The more you do things for him, the more he feels incapable like a boy. The less you do things for him, the more he feels like a man.
Start treating him like the strong and capable man that he really is! Make a list of all the things you do for him and consider stopping doing them.
4. Trust Him
Here’s how you’re showing distrust to your husband by saying:
- Don’t wear these pants to the store.
- Pay with cash, please!
- Don’t forget to take out the trash
Again, if he’s strong and capable, why do you need to tell him what to do? The truth is, you don’t actually trust your husband. You want to trust him but you’re unconsciously thinking that he’ll screw up. That kind of distrust is going to reinforce his low self-esteem.
Here’s the truth: he’s perfectly capable of making his own decisions. He functioned just fine before he met you, and he’ll be functioning just fine even when you stop micromanaging him.
When you start trusting him, he might start asking you what he should do.
Because you’ve trained him to be reliant on you. When he does ask, simply say:
“I don’t know. I trust you. Just do what you think is best.”
This is the clearest sign that says you see him as someone you can rely on. That in turn, is going to boost his self-esteem. Do you see how you’re slowly changing his self-perception by becoming a woman who trusts him?
If your relationship has been rocky for a while now and you find it hard to trust your partner, then there’s some healing to be done first because you can dive into this step.
Before we learned how relationships actually work, Jachym and I spent years hurting one another. There was love, yet we didn’t know how to get along.
As our trust eroded, the distance between us grew larger and larger. Until we became two strangers living in the same home.
Don’t let that happen to you. If you know that there are issues that you need to resolve and move on from, then reach out to us for help here.
You don’t need your husband to be with you to work out the things that lay heavily on your heart. All you need is the right guidance to truly move on from hurtful events and the past so that you can have a healthy and thriving marriage again.
5. Show Him What You Love
Your man loves to please you, and he doesn’t want to screw it up. Since he’s suffering from low self-esteem, make sure that you do let him know what you love.
Let’s say he wants to take you out for dinner and asks what you’d like to eat, instead of just telling him to make up his own mind – unless you really don’t care – tell him what you’d love to have. This way, he’ll feel much more confident making the arrangements than when it’s all up to him.
He knows that you’ll be happy with the result which is going to boost his confidence. In our The Cherished Wife Program, we show you how you can use your desires to change the relationship for the better. Even if you feel it’s hopeless at the moment. Truth be told, you just haven’t gotten the right blueprint yet. No wonder you weren’t able to change things. But now you can, just head over here.
A Cherished Wife lets herself go in the presence of her man and with it she gets what she tried to achieve through control.- Natasha & Jachym Jerie
6. Let Him Know When He Does Something Well
He doesn’t do well with compliments. But still, give them anyways. It doesn’t matter what he does with it. You don’t need him to say yes to it. Simply extending a genuine compliment can really make a difference, especially if you become non-reactive to his reaction.
Over time he’ll start accepting the compliments because he begins to see that they’re genuine instead of a desperate attempt of trying to fix him.
Remember, your husband is lost in his thoughts. That’s all. The more you can see this, the less you feel the need to fix him. The less you are drawn into his story, the more likely he’s going to wake up from it himself. Now add the genuine compliments in, and his story about himself will eventually collapse.
7. Show Desire For Him
It doesn’t help your man if he gets constantly rejected by you.
It’s sending him a message that he’s not desirable. One way to make your husband feel like he’s a strong man is by showing him that you desire him. It can communicate to him that you truly see him as a powerful man in ways that no words ever could.
You’re showing it to him with your whole body and your attitude.
8. Love Him No Matter What
Your man’s insecure. He feels unlovable. But you love him. Your love can be the greatest gift for him. It’s much a greater gift than trying to change him. You accept him as he is. This total acceptance is the exact opposite of where he’s at. He experiences:
But you’re there and love him anyway. You don’t buy into his drama and you trust him. You see his strength. You see beyond all the mind stories and feel his masculine essence and trust in that. That’s life changing for him.
You’re showing up as his beautiful, radiant woman. It’s the best thing you can do for your husband.
When it comes to boosting your husband’s self-esteem, we get it. You’re a strong, independent woman who’s made her mark with her career.
Most of the time, you feel like you know what you’re doing. So speaking up and giving your man feedback seems like a natural thing to do.
But our tips suggest the opposite.
If you want to boost your man’s self-esteem, then the power play needs to end. Instead of micromanaging, mothering and telling him what to do, take a step back. Give your man the opportunity to help you and be there for you.
It might be strange and new. But allowing him to step up is the very thing that will boost his self-esteem.
I for the longest time was unaware of how I was treating Jachym. I didn’t realize how many times throughout the day I criticized him or told him what to do and how to do it. Naturally, it eroded at his confidence until he was walking around eggshells afraid to do things wrong.
That’s not the man we fell in love with. You can bring out the best in each other, all it takes is a shift in your current dynamic.
Apply one of the 8 tips to boost your husband’s self-esteem and see for yourself how your relationship transforms.
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