What’s the distinguishing factor between leaving a marriage versus working it out together?
It’s that one thing that saves a lot of marriage from the brink of divorce. But then, why do a lot of couples end up calling it quits?
That’s because it’s easy for us to blame rather than to take accountability.
Most of us know deep down that blame isn’t a nice way to engage with another person. We’d much rather foster healthy habits in your marriage. Yet we find ourselves stuck in a toxic one.
There’s a gray area between blaming and being accountable. Placing all the blame on one another means that you don’t have the power over your own happiness, that you don’t carry your solution. And so you remain stuck in an endless cycle of nitpicking and finger-pointing.
If you relate to this dynamic and you can’t find your way, then you’re in the right place.
Luckily, we’re here to help you choose wisely. Know how you can stop the blame game altogether by knowing how blame vs accountability in relationships really do look like.
This knowledge is key to shift your marriage from one that’s stuck in the same negative patterns to one where you bring out the best in each other.
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What Does Accountability In A Relationship Look Like?
Ever been with someone who simply owns their mistakes?
They don’t shy away from saying they’ve made a mistake and are willing to clean up the mess. They don’t use blame, nor do they try to sweep it under the rug. No, they stand in their power and are willing and ready to find solutions.
Here’s what these kinds of people don’t do:
They don’t blame themselves.
What has happened can’t be undone. But what can be done is to learn from it and integrate it into our lives moving forward.
Accountability is done through ownership.– Jachym Jerie
What Does Accountability Mean In A Relationship?
Here’s what it doesn’t mean:
It doesn’t mean that you keep track of each other’s mistakes and hold each other accountable.
No. Accountability in a relationship means that you take ownership of what has happened. It also means that you’re going to do what’s in your power to sort it out.
But here’s a slippery slope: being accountable doesn’t mean taking the blame for everything even if you didn’t do anything wrong. And why don’t you need to accept blame all the time?
Because blame and accountability are exact opposites.
Being accountable also applies to how you treat your partner. Rather than seeing him as incapable and weak, you see him as someone capable of dealing with life’s challenges. You stop being in his business and instead focus on yours.
You can’t take ownership of your own life as long as you keep messing around with your partner’s.
But how do blame and accountability work together?
Let’s take a closer look:
What Is The Relationship Between Blame And Accountability?
It happens to all of us.
We wanted to take ownership of the mistakes that we made but we end up blaming ourselves or our partner.
What’s the difference between accountability and blame? And how do you know if you’ve slipped into blame?
When you take ownership of what has happened, you get to do something about it. You’re in your power. It feels good because you’re trusting yourself and your partner that you can deal with life’s challenges.
That feeling of taking ownership is in stark contrast to blaming.
You feel weak.
You can’t do anything about what has happened because someone else is to blame. This is disempowering. Blame gives away the power you have to change things. It makes you a victim.
Your acceptance of blame is saying that you’ve done wrong. You’re the problem. It doesn’t acknowledge the fact that whatever has happened can be changed moving forward.
Blame is disempowering. Ownership is empowering.– Natasha and Jachym Jerie
How to Know When You Slip Into Blame?
Listen to your body.
Do you feel weak?
You might have slipped into blaming yourself or others.
Listen to your mind.
Is your mind spinning a story about all of this that wouldn’t have happened if you or your partner didn’t do something?
You’re probably going into blame.
Listen to your body.
Do you feel an active energy?
You’re taking ownership and you’re ready to remedy whatever has occurred.
Listen to your mind.
Is your mind focused on finding solutions and ready to tackle all the various problems?
You’re being accountable and ready to face the challenge.
You know when you’re going into blame because you can feel the disempowerment. You also know when you’re being accountable. It just feels different. Pay attention to the feeling, rather than trying to overanalyze the situation.
There’s No Relationship Between Blame and Accountability
If you think that there’s a relationship between blame and accountability, you’re simply lacking the discernment between those two.
There’s no relationship.
You’re either blaming or you’re taking ownership. You can’t do both.
Blame isn’t an extension of accountability. It’s simply a dysfunctional pattern that keeps you stuck and builds resentment.
Blame lives in the past but accountability creates a new future.– Natasha Koo
Choose Accountability Not Blame
Black and white.
You know the difference. It’s obvious. Otherwise, you might not be able to even read these words here. It’s the same with blame vs. accountability in relationships. The clearer you know what’s blame and what’s ownership, the easier it gets to choose ownership.
That’s why it’s vital to not confuse ownership with blame. These two things don’t go together.
When you choose accountability, you grow your capabilities as a problem solver. You become accustomed to think in terms of solutions, rather than problems. This process of choosing accountability over blame is a gentle one. You don’t need to be harsh with yourself or fall into another trap which is criticizing yourself.
That’s just another doorway to disempowering yourself and your partner.
Instead, you want to come back to empowerment. The place where you feel:
That’s the place you want to be and blame will never ever get you there. Doesn’t matter if you’re being blamed or you’re the one blaming.
No one wants to admit that they’re at fault. And there’s nothing more frustrating than being with a partner who refuses to take accountability for their actions.
It’s so much easier to resort to blame rather than to practice accountability. Before you know it, you and your partner find yourselves struggling with taking responsibility for the things that have offended or hurt you both.
And we get how you feel.
You want to move forward from the past. You want to forgive. You want to stop dealing with the same issues.
If only you can do something about it. If only someone could guide you out of the dark pit you’ve fallen into.
Here’s the good news: the search is now over.
We’re here to guide you and help you do wonders in your relationship. Let accountability win over blame. Nourish deep connection instead of disconnection.
Stop the cycle of blame by taking your power back, by being accountable for your own actions, and saying no to those that aren’t your fault.
Get that trust, transparency, and harmony in your marriage that you’ve been wanting to have. You’re just one decision away from becoming a cherished wife. Translate that desire of yours for marriage improvement into solid steps that actually bring success in your relationship.
Want to start your journey today?
You don’t have to struggle anymore. You don’t have to be alone in the dark.
You can create a happy and healthy relationship, you just need the blueprint to bring you and your partner back to the wonderful place before all the blame tore you apart.
If we could do it, so can you. You just need to take that first step towards the marriage of your dreams.
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