[EP7] Why Isn’t My Husband Affectionate Anymore?

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What Episode 7 Is About:

Are you stuck in a marriage without affection?

You might be wondering if it’s normal for affection to fizzle out over time. It might even send you in a whirlwind of doubt.

In this episode, we’re going to break down why affection levels can drop in marriage so you can end to self-doubt and blame.

Tune in to get the peace and clarity that you need. Learn what blocks affection, intimacy, and connection in a relationship so you can get unstuck.

Show-Notes:

  • Why your husband is no longer affectionate
  • How to cope in a marriage where you don’t get your husband’s affection
  • How to deal with a husband who doesn’t show affection

Resources Mentioned:

Transcript:

Natasha: Welcome back to the Awakened Wife podcast, I’m Natasha Koo—

Jachym: And I’m Jachym Jerie from YourExceptionalRelationship.com

Natasha: This episode is really dedicated for wives who find themselves stuck in a marriage without affection. What happened? What’s going on? What do you need to know? Here’s where we’re going to break everything down for you.

Jachym: All right. Let’s get started. So I think the very first thing that always comes to mind is, well, ‘Why?’ What happened? Am I ugly? Is he cheating? What’s going on? Why? Why is all of a sudden the affection gone?’ And I think that’s why we need to address first.

Natasha: Yeah. And of course, this could happen maybe gradually over time, where at some point you realize, well, ‘Wait a second, my marriage is looking a lot differently than when we first started off.’ Or it can be something like Jachym just said where it seems quite sudden, which might even make you think that something has gone terribly wrong. So, you know, each individual or each couple are going through different things. But this is actually something that we we experienced ourselves.

You know, when we were having a really tough time within our marriage, we found ourselves really not that affectionate towards each other. In fact, there was so much hostility and friction and bad vibes between us. It was actually hard to be affectionate towards to each other. And being affectionate required us to kind of be soft and loving and giving and receptive. But when we had, um, bad feelings towards each other or, you know, at that point our marriage was deteriorating for, I would say several years. Like, we didn’t realize that. But it really was it was getting more toxic. It was getting more negative over a period of time.

And at that point, it was like, well, I think we do know why or for us, but then why it was there was not much affection left, because even if there was love back then. Uhm, it was hard to express it like there was hurt. And it was it was hard to be the same people that we were when we first met because it felt like back then when we were dating, it was so easy to be affectionate and be, you know, lovey dovey because it was as if there were there were no back stories to us. But then at that point, we were already in a long, um, long term relationship for a while that, you know, we carried all this baggage with us. We didn’t address a lot of stuff. And that just kind of built up and up to the point where it really blocked us. It disrupted our affection. It just blocked it.

Jachym: Right. So, I mean, in terms of, you know, what we’re helping or trying to to achieve with this podcast and the following podcast actually move you from this place where you who don’t feel attractive, you feel lonely, you feel hurt, you feel like he doesn’t care to a place you know, where he does care, where you do get the affection that you’re craving, that you are in a marriage where there’s intimacy, connection, passion. I mean, that is all possible.

And I think it’s important that we mention this because so many wives, they don’t know this. You know, they think it’s normal that a long term relationship goes downhill, that there’s less affection or there’s less intimacy going on. And actually, that’s not true. You can have actually deeper connection. You can have more affection. You can have a deeper intimacy than before. And then it can get better and better. It doesn’t have to go downhill.

And we want to let you know that, because when you don’t know it, you just settle for it. You just, you know, kind of accept your fate.

Natasha: Yeah. And I think you’re right in that quite a few people assume that the longer you’re together, the less spark there is. And that inevitably there will be less affection. So that is something that we’re going to be talking about. It’s like why? How come? What causes affection to be lost between two people who used to be in love, first of all. And also what you can do about it if you’re in such a situation, it is a really big topic. So actually, on our next episode, you can tune in and we’ll be spelling out exactly like the strategies, the exact steps you can take to get his affection back.

But today we’re going to be breaking this topic apart, because more than anything, you’re probably feeling pretty confused.  You don’t know if it’s just your feeling or gut feeling or is he really not affectionate anymore? You know, you’re trying to get a feel for things. You’re wondering if you’ve gone crazy, if it’s normal. So we just kind of want to settle all those nerves and kind of like start you off to help you understand what is actually going on. So here are the three reasons that we’re going to cover on this episode. But if you want more and there definitely are more reasons than just these three that we will be explaining today, you can actually go to our blog.

We cover it in a great deal of detail. We break down what you can do, how to cope, all sorts of situations and Q&As. So you can head over to the show notes of this episode, which is yourexceptionalrelationship.com/seven- just the number seven. And then you can actually get the link to the article and it will be very helpful, especially for those who kind of want to dive deeper or really understand what’s going on. But for now, let’s go in to reason number one.

Jachym: All right, great. So the first reason that I’ve I’ve put up or that we brainstormed is porn, right? Now, this ties actually into a bigger picture as well. Um, porn itself gives a certain idea about how a man treats a woman. And that idea, it’s not just present in porn, can be also present in other ways. And often it is has a certain harshness to it. And so the affection, you don’t see important- a lot of affection. Right?

And also when you see other men, you know, that like the strong man or whatever, he’s like strong and, you know, has edges and it’s rough or whatever. It’s no, he doesn’t have the soft side. So, you know, that is one reason that men can be not affectionate just because they have those kind of bad role models. But with porn as well, what happens is that if you’re consuming a lot of it, it does give you a very bad impression or it does can spill over into the bedroom that you have a certain expectation of how you should treat your wife. And it’s really not good because the love and the connection that’s possible when you actually just are present and you don’t just objectify your partner is so much greater. And so that is one big reason that I believe, um, your husband could be not affectionate.

Natasha: Yeah. And we were actually interviewed the other day on another podcast where we were talking about intimacy and sex and how most of us aren’t educated in a way that’s healthy. Like we weren’t really taught intimacy in a loving, caring, nourishing way. So, you know, depending on what your partner’s consuming or just what he might have been exposed to years ago, like we’re all influenced by media and all sorts of things. And what the majority of it, to be honest, is not necessarily healthy. It’s not actually promoting an exceptional relationship. So that’s why, you know, this is one of the reasons why.

Jachym: Yeah. And we’re not bashing porn in any way. It’s just from our experience. I don’t have a religious background or anything like that where porn was a bad thing. It was just in my experience that not watching porn actually enhanced our relationship. And so it is important to bring this up because porn consumption is really huge nowadays. And so it is worthwhile to bring it up as a potential cause that is coming into the relationship. And it doesn’t mean that your husband has to quit porn, but it does mean that, you know, there’s a certain sensitivity that needs to be developed on his side. And he might need your guidance with.

Natasha: And this could be a sensitive topic, and that’s why it’s really crucial that you learn how to communicate well, uh, with your partner. If you have trouble talking about problems within your relationship or just maybe sometimes you get quite emotional when it comes to certain topics in your relationship, maybe porn is one of them. I really suggest that you listen to our earlier episodes where we do break down how to work with your emotions, how to have emotional conversations and actually be able, you know, be equipped with the skills and be able to discuss topics that are really important but might not be easy or might not be comfortable. So those are episodes, I think—

Jachym: One until five or six.

Natasha: Yeah. So just scroll to our earlier episodes and figure out which ones would help you most. But we discussed that in great detail.

Jachym: All right. Let’s. And that’s actually a good segue for to the next reason. And it has a lot to do with providing or how you’re interacting with your husband. So you can actually drive your husband away with good intentions. Right? By trying to tell him what to do, how he should do things, by telling him not to forget something, by telling him how he has to do something and then correcting him and all of that. When you look at those earlier episodes, we had a whole bunch of negative communication patterns, uh, that often come up like blame, criticism, bickering, nagging. All of those things, they are counterproductive to affection. They don’t help with affection. They are they’re actually driving affection away. Right.

Because just imagine this. You are in a relationship where you feel the other person is overbearing or is mothering you or is there is a tendency that you can to have a negative consequence. You’re not going to feel affectionate towards the person. You’re actually going to feel like you want to withdraw from that person. You want to get away from them. And of course, for you, that can be really bad because you want to have the affection so you feel more alone and you can then go and double down on the behavior that you have thinking it’s going to get you what you want. So, you know, you start talking about him, you know, telling him how much you need the affection and he just feels more pressured, you know, and then he withdraws even more so and then becomes a vicious cycle. It just you keep pushing, he keeps withdrawing and you don’t get anywhere.

Natasha: Yeah. And depending on what’s actually going on, you could drive him away in all sorts of ways. One could be your communication style. Maybe one is a lot more subtle. Maybe it’s actually how and what you think about your husband. That just comes through in between the lines. Another one could be kind of your routine behavior of the dynamic you have within the home. So all of these things contribute to whether or not you’re maybe subtly or not, maybe more plainly, just driving him away, um, and causing this divisive kind of atmosphere, then affection just doesn’t feel natural.

Or it doesn’t feel like the natural next step for your partner to show you, because it doesn’t feel very safe. It doesn’t feel very loving. So that kind of environment could be created through all sorts of things. But most importantly, I think communication style does really play a big role, especially those negative and toxic patterns. Uh, because for us, when we were not being affectionate towards one another, our interactions were actually quite, um, not nice. Right? And is not just in the words we were saying to each other because we never, ever went down the path of kind of name calling-  that kind of fighting. But there was a lot of passive aggression, a lot of, um, just communication styles that were honestly not healthy and didn’t bring us any closer.

So if you feel like maybe it could be your communication style, it could be something subtle like that but you’re not sure, you can always do our free quiz.  It’s a communication mistakes quiz where you just get a feel and get custom results and figure out how do you stand in the communication within your relationship.  Is it healthy? Is it OK? Does it need more work or has it really broken down? And you can get that free quiz at yourexceptionalrelationship.com/understand.

It’s a great tool and we really highly recommend any couple who’s, you know, going through something and just questioning like, ‘Does it have to do with my communication? Am I making certain mistakes that’s driving him away and just making it really hard for him to be affectionate towards me?’ And this could this could give you a sign.

Jachym: Yeah. You know, before we move on to the next one, I just want to say that a lot of those negative communication patterns or habits, they’re often rooted in the fears and insecurities. Right?  And so in Our Cherished Wife Program, one of the pillars is called Unleash Your Inner Goddess. And one thing we do there is to actually look at those insecurities, look at those fears and start healing the wounds that are there. Because when you do unleash that inner goddess, you’re actually at peace with yourself. And that is really, really sexy for a man. Like a woman who actually embraces herself and has an open, soft heart is incredible. And so I just wanted to bring that out and, you know, let the listener know that there’s deeper reasons for what’s going on in your relationship. It’s not necessarily just bad habits. Right?

Natasha: And that’s the reason why we work so many layers down. It’s not just about changing your communication. Yes. It’s good to know what’s going on so you have a starting point. But when our communication broke down, it was really because of the feelings within our heart, within our past experiences, what the grudges we held, the resentment. All of that stuff ultimately shifted how we engage with one another. So, yes, it could be a very innocent pattern or a thing you picked up from your parents, your childhood, whatever it might be. But it actually could be rooted in something much deeper that actually requires healing and requires taking a look at and processing.

Jachym: Yeah, exactly. One of the things that we do, is that we do give practical advice. We do give practical communication or some people can use, but we go so much deeper afterwards. All right. So let’s look at the—

Natasha: Reason number three.

Jachym: Number three. That’s right. Thank you. The another reason can be that there’s just simply a mismatch in love languages. Right? Let’s explain what that is. It’s basically how you’re expressing and receiving love has is taking a certain shape. Right. Just like I can speak German and I can speak English, it takes a different shape. All right. That’s different intonation, different pronunciations. And the whole culture is different. And love languages is like that. It’s like a different kind of culture in terms of how you’re expressing and receiving love.

And so you may feel that your husband is not affectionate because your love language, for example, is physical touch and quality time. But maybe his love language is words and gifts. Or it could be acts of service, right, where he’s doing something for you. He’s going out and mowing the lawn or dinner or something like that. And for him, that’s a sign of affection, it’s a sign of love, but you don’t get it because he’s doing something that is in a different language. And actually, that was the case for us as well, right?

Natasha: Yeah. And it sounds simple. OK, just figure out the love language and then you’ll understand each other better. But before you get clear on that, there could be a huge misunderstanding just like we had. You can completely misinterpret what your partner is actually doing. You could think that he’s away just working on the house and ignoring you when he’s actually trying to do something nice for you by fixing up the house or, you know, it could be completely misunderstood.

So this is one of the reasons why we actually, um, within our Cherished Wife Program, we have that pillar called Get Inside Your Man’s Brain, because you need to understand one another. You guys do operate differently. You understand affection and love differently. And it’s not just a male or female thing. It comes down to the individual. And sometimes we’ve been together for years. And you’re in this long term relationship and you think you really know each other. But then sometimes people change or the original assumption might have shifted. So you actually have to be present to your partner and keep learning about them. And apart of getting the affection that you want and feeling love and cherished is to actually understand how does he love, what does affection mean to him, and to get to know each other in this way?

Jachym: And there’s another layer to this that, you know, when you don’t get the affection, let’s say he’s not getting the affection from you because you’re speaking, you’re not touching him. And that’s not a love language for him. He doesn’t get that. So he feels deprived himself and you feel deprived. And so both of you are walking around feeling not loved. And then, of course, you keep withdrawing and start to shift away from the relationship, rather, and turning towards each other because you feel hurt. And so it’s just again, it creates this cycle downward because of this misunderstanding.

Natasha: Yeah. And this is one of the reasons why we spent so many episodes at the beginning of this podcast to address communication and how to bring up those important issues and problems that you actually want to talk to your partner about. Because you might have an idea of what’s going on, but it could still all just be in your head. You know, some things need to be brought up with your partner so you can work on it together or to at least hear him out. Right. Get his perspective.

Try to understand him. Yeah. And that’s possible through effective communication. And those are skills you can definitely learn. And, you know, through our own experiences, you know, we didn’t have affection at one point. We misunderstood each other’s love languages at one point, you know? So it was a process, and we had to learn those things ourselves in order to create an exceptional relationship.

Jachym: Absolutely. So shall we move on to what you do when you feel deprived of affection- how do you cope with it?

Natasha: Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, this is this is super important because depending on how you feel, because of the lack of affection, it can really make you doubt yourself because you question whether you’re good enough. Something’s wrong with you. You can doubt your partner wondering if he has done something or what’s going on with him. What is he not telling you? It can doubt. It can make you doubt your relationship. Make you wonder, OK, are you still compatible? Is something missing? Is everything OK between you two? So pretty much not having certain needs met, like not getting enough affection can, you know, bring up all these insecurities.

Jachym: Mm. And you know the question, how do I cope with the lack of affection from my husband is an interesting one because you’re looking to cope with it, you know, looking to just resolve it and thrive. And so it has its place maybe at the beginning. But we do deeply encourage you to actually resolve it and create a relationship where you do feel loved, where you feel that he cares, where you feel appreciated and cherished and desired, because that’s ultimately what’s possible. So it’s not just about coping. It’s about actually embracing, uh, the relationship and bringing it into and, you know, a new era.

Natasha: Mm. And sometimes when we feel like our relationship has taken a wrong turn, it’s getting really rocky, um, it can make us really, um, doubt ourselves. Like it can make you feel like maybe I’m not capable of having a successful relationship, but that’s really not true. It just means that here’s an opportunity for growth you’ve picked up on either distance or misunderstanding. And it’s an opportunity for you to really come back together. So, you know, step away from thinking, just coping. How can you just put up with this and and be OK with this? It’s actually like how can you use this opportunity to grow your love and be closer than before.

Jachym: Mhm. Absolutely. And so I think you know that one important thing which you bring up and this is and it’s actually one of the first step is to actually own what’s happening within you. Right. Own the emotion. Own the disappointment. Own the frustration and all of that. OK? It can be really hurtful and it can be difficult when you are in a relationship where you don’t feel like he cares or he’s not affectionate, he’s not showing you love. Right? That is important to acknowledge. And again, this is one of the first steps in that pillar, you know, unleash your inner goddess is to actually acknowledge where you’re at. So many people are busy trying to get somewhere. They don’t take care of themselves first and acknowledge that there is hurt and that they are struggling and that there is a challenge that they are facing and it is not easy for the right and that they wish whatever they are wishing, you know, have a different husband, have different relationship. Acknowledging it does not mean that you’re feeding it- meaning that you just keep spinning the same story. It’s about dropping into the body and actually acknowledging and feeling the hurt so that you can heal it.

Natasha: Yeah. And I for the longest time didn’t acknowledge the pain that I was feeling and the hurt, uh, caused by our relationship. And so I held it in and I didn’t make peace with it. I didn’t I didn’t actually accept how I was feeling. And as long as I didn’t, that pain was within me. And it did drive that wedge between us and our affection towards each other because there was just dishonesty. So actually allowing yourself to feel to, get to know what it is that you are going through, is really important. And then it gives you that clarity for the next step.

Jachym: Absolutely. And again, this is something that makes us unique. It’s because we help you in the Cherished Wife Program to create this amazing, beautiful, loving relationship. Right? Where you feel desired, where you feel sexy, where you feel loved. That is part of the of the program. But we’re not just doing it so you don’t feel the discomfort anymore that you’re feeling right now. You meaning that we just shift your circumstances so that you can feel better.

What’s important is also to take the lesson on board that’s happening right now and to do the healing right now, because it’s easy to say, well, I’m healed because I get all the affection I want. But no, you just getting the affection that you want. Underneath, there’s still something going on. Right? So if the affection would be gone, how would you actually feel?

And that gives you true freedom because it’s not just freedom by creating whatever you want. It’s freedom by being OK with whatever is happening in your life and still then creating with joy and love the relationship that you want. So you get both. You get the ability to actually be without discomfort and heal that discomfort. And it’s almost like a knot opens, right. A knot opens, and that hurt, maybe a little girl inside there that didn’t get the affection from her father or mother or whatever, that gets to be released. That doesn’t get to be released if you just shift circumstances. And so that is what makes this program very holistic, right?

Natasha: Mm. And it’s the kindest thing you can ever do, really. Instead of coping, you can actually make peace with what’s going on. You can digest it, you can process it. And from that place, if you choose to approach your partner, you know, and to, you know, on the next episode, we’ll  be explaining in more detail what exactly to do and how to ask for that affection. But if you do choose that approach, then you’re actually more emotionally resilient and capable to have that conversation right. Otherwise, it’s as if, you know, there’s all those broken pieces in your heart. You don’t really know what to do with you.

You just scrap it and kind of throw it at your partner. Be like here, give me more affection. Go fix this. Right? So first is really be kind to yourself and  truly be OK with how you’re feeling.

Jachym: Mhm. Yeah. And actually brings us to the next step which is really important. And that is not to complain to your partner. Because here’s what happens, you feel is bottled up frustration and neglect and what you do, you approach your partner and just kind of vomited out of them, right? And of course, your partner doesn’t know what to do with it, so he becomes defensive and he starts blaming you for something else. Before you know it, you have, you know, a whole shit show basically. It just keeps spiraling out of control. You feel more hurt afterwards. Not seen and heard. He feels more hurt if he is put under pressure and blamed and all of that. And then you don’t get anywhere.

Right. So the idea that, you know, ‘Oh, I just need to to talk to him about it,’ actually, we would say lay off that first go. And what we said before, which is look at yourself, be with yourself, own your emotions, own what’s happening within you, because this the complaining can again have this counter effect. It has to counter effect of what you want, which is actually drawing him closer. Here’s the thing, you can’t draw something closer when you’re busy pushing. So you need to learn to draw.

Natasha: And there’s a big difference between complaining and actually stating a need that is unmet or stating a desire that you wish to have fulfilled more within their relationship. Complaining is really coming from a place of, well, I don’t feel good, X, Y, Z. And I think it’s already because of this, like you have it all figured out—

Jachym: And it’s your fault basically.

Natasha: Yeah, it’s your fault. I know. And if you did this, I wouldn’t feel this way. So it’s time that you do that, you know, so it’s all spelled out. Everything has been to figure it out by you. It’s easy to see who’s wrong here, who’s right and who needs to do what. And that’s very prescriptive to your partner. And one thing that drives him away, and puts a bigger the distance between you and your partner and that affection, is that prescription telling him exactly what to do, telling him that he’s been wrong and telling him that, you know, this is what he should have done and should do from now on.

That will not be a productive way of going about it. So by taking that first step, which helps you to truly work with this lack of affection that you feel, this kind of longing or this emptiness within you, what is loneliness that you’re facing working and getting clear on those emotions. And then from there, you don’t have to complain. You can actually bring up certain issues on this very level playing field.  It’s an invitation for him to help you versus you’re going towards him and saying here’s your bad report card and next time you better get an A and this is how to get an A.

Jachym: Yeah, I think it’s really that’s really important. I think there’s one more thing that we can cover. And it is really a foundation in a lot of things, which actually look out for yourself. OK, like treat yourself well, um, be happy, right? Now, this sounds very superficial. Uh, but it it really isn’t, because here’s the thing, your husband is going to be drawn to you when you’re happy.

Because when you’re happy, it is something that people find inspiring, that people like to be around. So when you are coming from a place of happiness, when you are going out, you pamper yourself, you go to a spa, you meet your friends, you’re affectionate towards yourself because here’s the thing:  a lot of women that we work with, they this inner critic that’s going on, you know, I’m not good enough, I’m ugly, I’m I’m not lovable and all of that.

Well, do you see what kind of vibe that’s coming from you? That’s very different than when you’re coming from a joyful vibe. When you come from a love, where you have embraced yourself, it’s very, very different. And so it is a foundational piece in so many things is to connect back to that joy and that happiness within you. Because when you can actually have that joy and happiness, without having to have the circumstances that you believe you have, you actually become incredibly powerful.

Natasha: And we cover this in more detail within our actual blog post. So if you want to take a good read, find out more about this topic, which we just don’t have time for today on this podcast. And you can always go to the show notes which are at yourexceptionalrelationship.com/seven, just the number seven.

Jachym: All right. So on the next episode, uh, we are going to be covering actually how are you going to be able to draw it out of your husband? How you can make your husband more affectionate? And you actually can, because the way you’re showing up in a relationship really shapes how your husband responds to your part of the dynamic. This idea that you can’t change your spouse has some truth to it for sure.

But we are also influencing each other all the time. So when you change the steps that you’re doing, when you change how you’re showing up in the relationship, the energy that you bring into the relationship, and it’s really much more about the energy than the steps. The more you bring that the feminine quality into the relationship, the more it will change and the more your husband will change towards it.

Natasha: Yeah, and I think that for a lot of women, it is hard to start off in a happy honeymoon. You know, we are a good match. Maybe I found the one and the soulmate and things are well. And, you know, you’re just looking forward to that happily ever after from that point on. And then some day, like one day to actually find yourself like noticing, ‘Wait a second. My partner’s not giving me what I need. Um, he’s not being affectionate the way that I wanted or expected him or how he actually used to be.’

And that can be quite scary. But what we really want to you to take away from today is that you can understand what’s going on. You even just on your own, even if he’s not completely on board or he’s, I don’t know, not committed to change or it doesn’t see the problem as you do, there can still be a big transformation in your marriage despite that. And for us, we went through that. We went through really dark times within our marriage. And there were moments where it felt impossible to be affectionate towards each other because it got so painful to some extent. You know, we really brought out the worst in each other and not the best.

And we couldn’t see the way forward, but we figured it out and we reached out for help. And sometimes that’s really all you need to break away from a cycle- from something that no longer works, from things you’ve tried that doesn’t help. And you just need to do something differently. You know, for us, it was reaching out for help. It was acknowledging that, wow, there’s something going on and we do not have the skill set to work through this on our own. Like we couldn’t do it anymore.

You know, we’ve hit that wall and we needed help. And sometimes, you know, it could be affection, lack of affection. It could be something else. But we encourage you to actually take action, whether it’s visiting our blog, going to the show notes, getting the quiz or whatever it might be. You were just reaching out to us on our website do something, because if you do find that blueprint or if you do learn the key skills that just help any relationship be strong and to heal and to transform, again, that change is possible. But there are things that you can take on board that maybe you just don’t have right now.

But those things exist in the world and exceptional relationships exist in the world. And healing and bad relationships can be transformed. And it’s been done in the past and we’ve done it for ourselves. So don’t rule yourself and your relationship out, you know, from change because it can happen.

Jachym: Absolutely. And then I think you’re being really nice. So I’m going to be not as nice because you do need to hear this as well. Look, if you’re not going to take action, it’s just going to go into the same trajectory. Yes, a relationship goes through seasons and yes, there’s fluctuation in terms of affection and all of that, but a lot of people who we see and that we have seen as well in the past, it just goes down that spiral, you know? So you’re hurt and you’re not addressing the hurt. It’s getting worse. You start to have more bickering. You start to have more nagging. You start actually not want to hang out with your spouse.

Your husband doesn’t want to hang out with you. You don’t want to hang out with him. And you start to have parallel lives. You’re falling apart. You have a marriage or a relationship on the outside, you know, so people put you together in the same boat, but inside you’re not in the same boat and you actually feel disempowered. You don’t feel good inside and it’s just going to get worse. So sitting on the fence is absolutely not the right choice because that challenge is presenting yourself itself to you right now is actually a challenge that can strengthen your relationship.

You can actually transform your relationship, because here’s the thing, you might think, ‘Oh, well, it’s not such a big deal. It’s just this thing that’s not quite right.’ Well, believe me, what you’re seeing is just the top of this, you know, the top of the iceberg. You’re not seeing all the other stuff that’s underneath, because if you’re in a place where you’re not able to address that, you’re not feeling affectionate without it getting out of control. You’re not having a relationship that’s actually built in trust, love and understanding- where you actually can approach each other and be with each other no matter what.

And if you’re not in that place, then you absolutely have to take action because without taking action, you’re simply letting it slide and it’s just gonna go on. And your unconscious patterns that you picked up from childhood, from seeing other people and how they react, relate, from all the media and the drama that’s out there, which is not very health, it’s going to go down that road. And before, you know, you’re going to get divorced. And here’s the thing, getting divorced is a high cost. Last time I researched, it was about 30,000 U.S. dollars.

Not only that, that’s just the monetary cost you have the cost of actually in your heart, you know, of having to break away from someone that you’re spent a significant amount of time with. If you have kids, it’s going to have a cost for the kids as well. So there’s so many hidden costs that you are risking by sitting on the fence. Sorry, that’s not a nice thing, but you have to see it.

Natasha: Yeah and a magic wand is not going to fix things. Real commitment, real decisiveness to make it work will shift things. And you do not have to reinvent the wheel. There are people like us who have done it before. We have healed from a marriage that was literally we were considering divorce and we were we were thinking, I really don’t know how we could go on like this because it was so nasty. So, you know, from that kind of low, you can heal. And not only can you just get his affection back, there’s so much more that a beautiful marriage can give you. And so many women in this world rob themselves of the opportunity to actually be truly loved and truly cherish and have that dream relationship. And it’s a million times better than what friggin Snow White or Cinderella had, because, like, what were they doing on his on his course anyways? It’s so much deeper than that.

It’s like finding your best self and seeing the best self of your partner. Come out and see you guys, the two of you being your best together and taking on the world together. It’s incredible. So we wish that you will feel inspired and motivated enough to actually take one action, one decision towards this direction because it is available to every single human.

Jachym: Absolutely. And just to give you end on a nice ending, just to expand on what you just started, just imagine that you wake up and you look over and you feel like you’re the luckiest woman on this planet and your husband looks with you with loving eyes, siring eyes, and you feel like, you know, it couldn’t get any better.

Natasha: Yeah. There’s no place you’d rather be. There’s no one. You better be. There’s no relationship you rather have. Because it’s so wonderful. It surprises you with how great it is. And that’s for me what I’ve been able to live and have.

Jachym: Exactly. And what can you do then with that? What will that energy create in your life? What kind of lifestyle are you going to have when you combine your energies together? And it’s rooted in love. It’s rooted in compassion. It’s rooted in desire and passion. What are you going to be able to do with that? The upside is so big while the downside is so terrible. So take action.

Natasha: Yeah, and that’s all we have to say to you today. You know what you have to do and we’ll talk to you next time.

Jachym: See you on the next episode.

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