What Episode 30 Is About:
You get things done and everything runs smoothly. So you wonder, ‘Why should I change? What’s the problem with me being controlling?’
It’s not until you realize that the intimacy has gone that you realize you’re doing something terribly wrong.
Let him take the lead and enjoy a more fulfilling marriage that makes your heart sing with joy. Stop emasculating your man and learn how to break the parent-child relationship dynamic by tuning in to this podcast episode.
- How being controlled by Natasha has impacted me
- The benefits a man gets when his wife is controlling
- The price you, the relationship, and your man, pay for allowing controlling behavior into the marriage
- Why be a man when the woman is one?
Welcome back to another episode of The Awakened Wife podcast I am Jachym Jerie, from your exceptional relationship.com and today we are diving into how your controlling behavior is impacting your husband. Now before we dive into this, if you are interested in this topic and you’re tuning in for the first time, then you can head back if you episodes Episode 27, we are talking about the 11 signs that you are controlling wife. Then we have Natasha doing an episode by herself, which is called route, why am I controlling in my relationship where she’s relating her story and what has happened for her and what’s driven her behavior that was more controlling. And then we are addressing how you can stop being a controlling wife in the very first place where we share practical tips and steps that you can take to change your controlling behavior.
But you may wonder, like, you know, okay, great. Yeah, like, Why Why should I change? What’s the problem? What’s the problem with me being controlling, there’s no problem, I get things done, at least things run smoothly. But here’s the thing, when you’re being controlling, it takes a toll on your relationship. And it takes a toll on your relationship in the long term, especially, but also it takes a toll on the relationship in the short term. And so you pay a price, you pay a price for your controlling behavior. Now, I have been on the receiving end of being controlled. And for me, as a man, it was devastating. Now, I wasn’t aware of that at that point. So if you were to ask your husband, he may not immediately recognize how your behavior is impacting him because it’s become normal, not only has it become normal, it is something that is sometimes glorified in shows like The Big Bang Theory, or in generally in pop culture.
And so you have bad role models where the demand is based, just being bossed around and has a controlling girlfriend or wife, and is being made fun of. And so, you know, he may think that this is normal, but he does impact mn. And so what it does to a man or what he can do to a man is that he loses self-esteem. Meaning he stops believing in himself, well, I can’t get anything, right. When I wash something, I better go check with my wife, whether I’m washing this, right? Because she might get angry at me if I don’t. And I was doing that, you see. And so I became a useless husband. And I don’t mean that with judgment towards myself. It just practically speaking, you look at a grown man who has to go ask his wife how to wash the carrot, because he’s scared he’s gonna get yelled at right?
Now, obviously, they might react reaction to Natasha’s controlling attempt, aren’t healthy, aren’t good, and aren’t grounded in me being a powerful man. So I am allowing Natasha to take this control and allowing her to boss me around and all of this, I have allowed her to do that. So there is no judgment towards her either. Right? We are in a relationship and both parties are dancing this dance together. So I am allowing her to do that. Why am I allowing her to do that? Well, who knows? Right? I grew up with a single mother because my father committed suicide. And so I saw a woman who is strong and powerful and you know, was running a whole household by herself with four kids and who was quite strong-willed and all this so I probably had a good role model of accepting this kind of behavior from my from, you know, female figures that I had in my mind, right and so for from Natasha, I assumed maybe unconsciously that this is the way to go. Who knows I am not sure.
However, it is important to acknowledge that I did allow this to happen and that it’s not like I’m this helpless little thing that Natasa Natasha’s is controlling around however, it is important to notice that the self-esteem can get impacted to a point where he becomes the useless husband. He thinks he you think he is right. So I’m asking how to wash the carrot. I’m asking how she wants this chart, is this thin enough? Is it thick enough? I mean, come on what kind of work? What kind of man am I when I’m doing that? I am not, I am just as some word in it really, who is scared of a reaction, ultimately, I’ve turned into a boy. And so that is one of the price you pay is that you may turn your husband into a boy. And he won’t be the man you want him to be as long as you keep the behavior up. So it is really good to consider that.
Because if you want to have a man who is powerful, who is strong, who is capable, who you can trust, where you can let go, where you feel like you’re melting in his arms if you want someone like that you can be controlling because the controlling behavior is not evoking that response from your husband, if anything, it’s revoking the outer response, the boy response, the hiding response, the self-defeating response where all while I’m useless, I don’t get, I don’t amount to anything. Now he may have a good job, or he may not have a good job, I don’t know your situation. But if he has a not-so-good job, and then on top of that, you’re controlling him, he can really wear down his self-image and self-esteem and certain to think that he’s useless and self-criticism and all of that. And so you as a woman, you actually have a lot of influence on that when you stop doing this behavior, you start shifting towards appreciation towards love towards surrender and openness you will cook you can see a huge shift in your husband, he really can make a huge, huge difference.
Now, the other thing that happens when you become controlling is that he can become lazy, like okay, well, I don’t have to think about the household at all. I don’t, I don’t have to do anything because Natasha got it all figured out. Right? It’s nothing I have to think about or decisions like just ask Natasha because she’s controlling anyway, she’s gonna tell me what to do. So why bother make a decision in the first place. So I become complacent. And that has in itself a benefit. Because, well, I don’t have to think about things. I’m already doing lots of work and have to think about make decisions. So at home, I can relax and she’s going to take the reins, and I can just be passive, I don’t really like it. But it’s not bad. It’s not bad. So so you can see how Actually, this behavior can have a benefit for your husband.
But it still cost the price I’ve mentioned before, but he started to not want to revert back because he can see how it can just post feed up and you just do everything. So be aware of that. That hidden benefit that can come. And here’s the other thing. Your husband may stop pursuing you. There is something within the masculine-feminine dynamic that is very primal. And it is this and you can see it in romantic movies in novels and erotic novels that lots of women are buying because that’s the primary target audience. And it replaced the same story. The man being strong and capable and powerful. he pursues this woman and he’s after her and he courts her. So he’s the pursuer. When you’re being controlling, you’re stepping into more of this masculine energy.
And he’s not going to try and pursue you. Why would he because you’re putting on the pants, so to speak. And so if you want to evoke the best in him, the man that you feel drawn to then putting on the controlling pants isn’t right move. Now, he may not have the impact on him that he doesn’t pursue you. But he may have the impact on you that you’re not attracted to him anymore. And that he’s still attracted to you, but you keep pushing him off. Because he’s not hitting those primal desires that you have within you. That gets you going. And so what happens your sex life suffers Your vitality suffers. And with it, it has all kinds of impacts on your life. But what can happen, at least would happen in my case is that I start to want to withdraw from Natasha. Because the association I have towards her I’ve had is more accurate is that it’s unpleasant to be around her that I prefer to be by myself because at least I can have peace of mind and not be told what to do or be told how I’m doing something wrong all the time. And so that’s another price to pay.
And so I’m withdrawing from the relationship, Natasha becomes more resentful in the relationship, which leads to more controlling behavior. And so you can see becomes a cycle. And that’s, a lot of times this happens in the relationship that you have those kind of cycles in. In the relationship, that pattern perpetuates itself, it’s getting worse, it gathers fuel by you to playing the perfect part, I’m withdrawing, so she doesn’t feel emotionally supported, I’m not a strong man she wants or she feels the need to step up. So be aware of that, that he can lead to withdrawal and when leads to withdrawal he can lead to, it can lead to cheating, it can lead to break up, it can lead to him fantasizing about other women and not really want to be in a relationship with you anymore.
Now the biggest impact, and I’ve kind of skirted around it in different ways, but really the biggest impact is that your man is not stepping into his masculine essence, into his power, where he feels actually most at home. And so you lack his leadership, he lacks the strength and he starts to become depleted. Because what someone who is in their masculine essence, he may be in his masculine essence when he’s at work, which is good, but within when you step into a masculine essence, you want to also you want to have the counterpart especially in a relationship. And so for a man what is most rejuvenating, a man who has a masculine essence, not a man or the feminine essence, you can also have a feminine essence but a man who has a masculine essence what’s most rejuvenating for him is seeing you experiencing you see feeling the expression of your feminine essence that’s what’s rejuvenating for him. It’s something invigorating me to strengthen him, he it really can make him move mountains.
And you can see that man tried to compensate for it by watching porn going to strip clubs going to into brothels having affairs or going into the opposite direction which we mentioned which is withdrawal. So I’m going to higher need some shows. Because then I’m tuning everything out and as rejuvenating as well as is tuning everything out. That’s again for the masculine essence that feels nice to just less everything needs to lessen less, less, be less involved, shut the world out. Just be and so watching some show can do that. But hasn’t have the same invigorating effect. It’s still rejuvenating in different ways. But when he feels you, when he feels your expression of your feminine when he feels your surrender, your openness, your letting go when he feels that you trust him and that you are following his lead that you are wanting his lead. That really is something that makes a massive difference for your man.
I can feel it in my life. Whenever we neglect our polarity, which happens because we have a fairly young child. At this point, she’s not even a year olds barely five months at this time. Then when we neglect it, I can feel It has impact on my energy levels and impact on my body, it has an impact on how I show up in the relationship. So the price of not cultivating the masculine-feminine polarity within your relationship is really big prices really, really big. And I would argue that it’s not making a relationship functional. And I’m somewhat hesitant with that word functional because you can see relationships are functional, but they are not relationships necessarily would want to be in because they lack the passion, they delay lack the vitality, they still functional, but they like that, but what the term I’m using functional, I guess it’s the wrong term.
What I want to say is that you don’t want to end up in a relationship that you are simply best friends that just rub your gently together from time to time, if at all. You can be in a relationship like that, and you can be functional. But it is not a relationship that most people fantasize about. Now, sure, you can make a point that fantasies are misplaced in a relationship, you need to face reality. I totally agree with that. And your fantasies do tell you about what kind of relationship would be really nice for you. And it doesn’t have to be that you are always cultivating your polarity 100% within your relationship, sometimes it makes sense to be more in a neutral space. Right, not be super sexually charged and have that polarity happening between you. However, in terms of rejuvenation in terms of what’s possible for you when you actually feel in your power. And maybe power is not the right word here.
Maybe it’s more and more feeling at home when you feel at home, within your body at ease at peace relaxed, and open, then that cultivation is necessary. Because what I’ve noticed with Natasha, when we started to really pay attention to the masculine-feminine polarity is that it felt very natural, it felt very good about valve actually very easy. He it felt like this is and we were meant to be together. But because we’re brought up in a society with political correctness being put onto a pedestal, it leads to all kinds of problems. And one of them is that we are not really having relationships that our hearts, our guts, our wombs, I don’t have a womb, but you have a womb desire. And so you can be you know, you can be a go-getter woman, you can be a CEO, it can be an entrepreneur, you can absolutely kill it in the workforce.
And on top of that, you do want to make sure that you’re not always going into your masculine and neglecting your feminine. Now, we do have always both as well, both essences, but that is now going beyond the topic that we’re discussing today, which is control. And so control prevents that dynamic to take place. And that’s a very hefty price to pay. Because you want to have that dynamic in your relationship because that is actually what feels good and wholesome. So if you don’t want your husband to keep experiencing stuff, low self-esteem, experiencing the benefit of just you know, I’m just whatever you just go ahead, you do the best him turning to a boy starting to ask you for all kinds of things because he can’t make a single decision without you without checking in with you. Because he’s afraid of the reaction if you don’t want him to experiencing fear around you, and how are you going to react if you don’t want him to hide things from you? Because he’s afraid how are you going to act out or what you’re going to say?
If you don’t want a husband who has all those fears, who is has shrunk, and himself if you want a man who is in his power, who is honest, who is truthful, who takes on a leadership role in the relationship that is going to lead you there. Relationship into a better, more beautiful, wholesome place. If you want that. Then listen to the hip. So how to stop controlling how to stop being a controlling wife. That’s why we made that episode. Because it is a very destructive pattern that is run and you don’t want to keep running it. You want to start rediscovering what is possible for you as a woman, as a wife, and what’s possible for him as a man and a husband, when you step more into the masculine and feminine polarity in your relationship. So listen to that episode. And I can just tell you for from my personal experience, dropping the controlling behavior made a big difference. Stepping fully into the masculine-feminine polarity made the biggest difference in our relationship, hands down.
The other stuff is really important, you know, communication is really important. Cutting out negative communication patterns. If you’re wondering what that is, you can head over to your exceptional relationship comm forward slash understand that made the difference for us having a relationship vision, what are we standing for? Why are we having a relationship in the first place? What do we want to cultivate in the relationship that makes a difference? Absolutely, and the feminine masculine polarity, bringing that out within the relationship is something that’s made it’s a much bigger difference than I ever expected. So there’s something to it. And at the same time, you can feel like you can have all kinds of doubts, you can think well you know if I let go if I surrender if I open, am I going to be a pushover Am I going to be a doormat? I’m strong woman so I shouldn’t do that I shouldn’t have those desires. Having those doubts is fairly normal in today’s society. However, I can just tell you from personal experience, that when you do connect to it, and you allow yourself to experience that, and you still can be the go-getter woman that you are.
It’s it makes such a big difference, you are going to be more impactful in your work, you’re going to be more impactful in your friendships, in how you live life, it’s going to feel it feels really, really good. And I know many women are absolutely dying. To be with a man who can take the lead can take their heart can lead them into their depth, that they can’t go in themselves. So if you’re one of those women, then head over to your exceptional relationship dot com forward slash cherished, check out our cherished wife program, the cherish wife program is built on the foundation of having a masculine and feminine plural polarity in your relationship. And check it out. We really cover all bases in there.
So it’s not like that’s the only thing we cover. We have communication in there we have unlocking your inner goddess, we look at your man and his, what makes him you know, work and bring in all those threes and bring those things together so that you have a solid rock-solid foundation to lead a relationship that is fulfilling, that’s nourishing, that makes your soul sing where you can wake up and feel like man, I’m the happiest girl alive. I’m so happy to have this relationship. I can’t believe how much we struggled that this was possible. So if that resonates with you head over, check it out. And otherwise, we are going to head into the next episode, which is going to be I want him to take initiative. We will be looking at that what you can do, and how you can evoke the response that you actually would like to have. It’s going to be fun. So I’m looking forward to that. And until then, have a wonderful day and take care!